Page 121 of Ravaged Soul

“Game on.”

CHAPTER 17

EMBER

OIL AND WATER – INCUBUS

“I can’t letyou in that room until I know you’re of sound mind. Work with me, Ember.”

The silver-haired shrink is going to earn himself a black eye if he doesn’t get off my case. That’ll clash with the ridiculous, canary-yellow shirt he’s wearing today. Another colour-blind classic.

“I’m fine,” I repeat for the fifth time. “Just here to debrief Gracie’s parents and get on with my job. What happened with Carlos and his men was self-defence. I’ve moved on.”

“So you’ve said every time we’ve spoken since.” He pushes his sliding spectacles higher on the bridge of his nose. “Trouble is, I’m not buying it.”

While everything about his open body language and affable smile scream well-honed reassurance, I’m not buyingthat.Richards is on Sabre’s payroll. He can play friend all he wants. This entire set-up is a pantomime designed to catch me out.

“Isn’t it your job to believe your patients?”

“You’re not my patient.” Richards produces a thin smile. “I’m simply here to ensure that the stressors of this role don’t impact public safety. Namely, are you fit for active duty?”

“I’m working to ensure public safety by bringing down the threat that Gael and the cartel pose.”

“Is that how you see what happened at the docks?”

Standing up, I resume pacing my least favourite room in HQ. I’ve got the bland canvas prints memorised by now. I stare at them enough during our pointless, weekly sessions where Richards prods my mind in every way possible.

I’d thought that I’d gotten away with flying under his radar in our debrief sessions since I killed Carlos. Richards loathes the silent treatment. Yet he hasn’t given up and refuses to budge on pumping me for whatever information he thinks he’ll find.

“I saved the lives of my team members and our hostage.” My response is flat.

“You also used lethal force. Multiple times.”

“Would you prefer I let them all die?”

“I’d prefer if you could talk to me about how it made you feel. What it triggered for you. How you’ve been managing the difficult emotions since. You’re allowed to slow down and reflect.”

“No!” I glare at him.

Richards halts spinning the fountain pen between his wizened fingers. “No?”

“I said no.”

“Tell me why you’re afraid to confront these feelings. Give me something.”

The incessant pain pounding behind my eyeballs reaches a cutting peak. It feels like something is attempting to escape. Some confession or emotion that I can’t bear to consider revealing. No one can know how it made me feel.

Because Iliked it.

And I’d do it all over again.

“Ember…” Richards’s cool gaze locks on me. “There’s no judgement in this room. Whatever you say will remain confidential.”

“Until you write a report that has me booted off the Anaconda Team.”

“I’m on your side, no one else’s. For the record, I think you’re doing a fine job as an agent, and I do not wish to have you removed from duty. But I will if you continue to fight me in these sessions.”

His firm words startle me. “You will?”