Page 41 of Racing Heat (The Forbidden Heat #2)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

~CASSIE~

Idon’t watch the game, but I know we lost. I feel bad for the team.

I wanted them to do well. I wanted them to win.

We need to keep wining if there’s a chance of a post season.

I hear the ‘we’ in my thoughts and shake my head.

I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t matter anymore.

August fired me. I no longer play for the Blaze.

It’s weird because not too many of the girls have stopped by my apartment to see me or ask questions about why I was let go. Apparently, ‘let go’ is the phrase they used when they told the team. I guess ‘fired’ sounded too harsh.

My girls came and checked on me before they went to the game. Talk of what’s happening with the team has been kept to a minimum. I’ve been removed from all the group chats and team communication. Not that I’m surprised. I’m not part of the team anymore.

That fact hurts more than I can say. I haven’t even called and told my parents that I’ll be going back to Portland.

I need to find a trainer to keep myself in top shape.

I think I want to play again. I’m going to try to get picked up by another team or walk on.

It’ll be months until that can happen, so I need to keep working to stay in shape for a new team.

I wonder if the girls will go out after the game.

Even after a loss, it made us feel better, and usually August’s antics and Danny quick wit made for a fun evening.

I’m not sure if they’ll do that tonight.

From what Mac has said, Jase and August aren’t really talking.

It’s made things a bit uncomfortable for them.

Jase was reminded just how much of our boss he is.

August might be feeling guilty about firing me or having to bust us.

At least, that’s what Mac thinks. I’m not too sure about that.

He seemed like he was doing what needed to be done when he fired me.

Sighing, I get up and do another lap around my apartment.

It won’t be mine for much longer. I need to figure that aspect of my life out.

Maybe get some boxes so that I can ship things back to my hometown.

Living with my parents again; I’ve really fallen from grace.

All self-inflicted, because I could have said no.

Or I could have been stronger and not let him draw me in the way he did.

But I wasn’t and I didn’t. Now here we are.

A knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts. “Come in,” I call to the closed door, but no one opens it. If it was one of the girls, they would have just come right in. Part of the habits of still living like we’re in college. I walk over and pull open the door.

There he stands.

He looks as handsome as the day I left him in the restaurant. There’s a bit of a five o’clock shadow on his face. His brown eyes look tired and a bit sunken in with the dark circles beneath them. He’s still wearing his Blaze polo and a pair of khaki shorts—his normal game day uniform.

I smile at the sight of him.

I hate that I do it. My relationship with him caused my demise. I shouldn’t be happy to see him.

“W-what are you doing here?” I ask, stumbling over my words.

“I wanted to see you,” he says with a shrug. “But I realize that might not have been the best idea.”

Jase’s eyes roam over my body. I’m wearing my black tank and sleep shorts set. The shorts are tight and leave nothing to the imagination. His expression is hungry when his gaze finds mine again. I cross my arms over my chest, which only accentuates my breasts.

He smirks.

“Knock it off.” I try to make my tone scolding, but he doesn’t appear to care.

I hear car doors closing outside. He looks around and then back at me.

“You should probably come inside. It sounds like the girls are getting back from the game.”

He nods and walks into my apartment. I close the door and gesture for him to sit on the couch.

“What are you up to tonight?” Jase asks.

“I was just trying to figure out my next move,” I admit with a shrug.

“Any luck?”

“Nope. I just know that I only have this place for less than sixty days, then it’s back to Portland for me.”

“Oh, you’ll leave? Not stay in Tampa?”

I shake my head. “What for? There’s nothing here for me.”

“I’m here.” He says the words like it’s so simple, and I should have considered them before I thought about going back to Portland.

“You are. But that shouldn’t make a difference, right? Because we’re not supposed to be together,” I spit out.

“Who told you that?” Jase gets up and comes to stand in front of me. “Is that what August told you when he called you?”

I shake my head. “No, but I haven’t seen nor heard from you since it happened. Isn’t that what he told you?”

He shakes his head. “You’re not a player on the Blaze anymore, so I’m not sure why it matters if I touch you.”

“Then why did you go so long without reaching out to me? Why didn’t you come to me as soon as you figured out that I had been fired?” I ask him.

“Because I was in the office and August told me to get to work. So that’s what I did. I went up into my office and picked out goalie kits.”

“Oh really, what color is she going to wear?” I’m not sure why, but the question just slips out. When we were doing…whatever it was we were doing, he kept talking to me about wanting to choose the right colors for her.

“I chose a florescent blue and purple. I think she’ll look good.”

“It’s not close to the Blaze blue?”

“No, not too close. And the goalies really liked them,” he tells me.

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, it is.” He takes a step closer to me.

If he comes any closer, his chest will be brushing against my breasts.

“I should have come to see you sooner—called, texted, or reached out. I shouldn’t have gone silent on you.

I just wasn’t sure what you would want. I was trying to be respectful.

” His brown eyes plead with me to understand.

“Respectful?” I question.

“Yeah, I thought that you wouldn’t want to see me,” he says, as if that explains everything.

“How is you avoiding me being respectful?” I ask, irritation slipping into my tone.

“Well, I thought that because I kept my job and you didn’t, that you wouldn’t want to see me.”

“I wasn’t happy that I lost my job, obviously!” I yell, taking a step back. “But I was glad that you were remaining in Tampa, because then at least maybe I would have had the chance to see you! Why does me being fired mean that I wouldn’t want to see you?”

He takes a step back from me. “I just figured no contact would be the best way to go. I cost you a job that you love. I cost you everything, and somehow I came out unscathed.”

“Did you really, though?” I ask him.

He shakes his head. “No. Because I lost you.”

I just nod.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” he continues. “God, I wish had called you or come to see you. But I figured I would be the last person you would want to see.”

“Last person I would want to see, huh?”

He steps away from me and begins pacing the living room. “Are you fucking forgetting that you left me at dinner? I wasn’t even given the chance to drive you home. You just up and decided that you didn’t want to be around me anymore.”

“I had to get out of there!” I cry.

“So did I!” he yells, stopping in front of me. “But had I been given the choice; I would have rather we figured it out together and not separately! You decided that you were taking an Uber home. I texted you, and you decided that you were not going to answer me. So don’t give me that shit!”

I stand there, unsure what to say to him. He’s not wrong, but I was still very raw from everything. “I went into shut-down mode.”

“I get that. But why couldn’t you have shut down beside me? I would have respected that you didn’t want to talk. I would have just held you while you cried. I would have been there for you.”

“I couldn’t let you be there for me,” I fire back. “Because I didn’t know what was going to happen! I had no idea that August would only fire me. That you would keep your job. I didn’t want to depend on you for emotional support when I might be losing you by force.”

He shakes his head. “But that’s not what happened, is it? I went through it all alone. I had no one.”

“I thought Danny was talking to you?”

“He did for the first day or so, but now it’s just awkward. I think he feels bad hanging out with me because of Mac. She’s pretty devastated that you’re no longer on the team.”

“I know that,” I reply, walking into the kitchen to get myself some water. “Do you want anything?”

He shakes his head. “No, I want you to come back in here and talk to me.”

I turn to face him, leaning against the kitchen cabinet. “My place isn’t that big. I can still talk to you from here.”

“Please.”

He says the one word that might just do me in. My feet feel like lead, and they’re keeping me grounded in the kitchen. Seeing him standing there staring at me with his blazing chocolate eyes, the only thing I want to do is run into his arms, but my pride won’t let me.

“Please, what?” I ask, throwing my arms up. “What is it that you’d like me to do for you? You kept everything! I lost everything! What else is there that you need?”

“You! I fucking need you. I lost you. That was more important than the job I could have kept. I wanted you. Did you not want me too?”

“I did want you,” I mutter.

“Did?” he asks me.

I sigh. “Are you just asking me if I want you so that you can have an ego boost? What does it get us, or you, if I tell you that I still want you? If I tell you that I was so brokenhearted for the past few days that I couldn’t get off this couch.

Or that I’ve cried myself to sleep every night.

I was happy that you never came here, because at least I wasn’t dealing with the ghost of you in my home. ”

A small smile plays on his lips. “You still want me, huh?”