Page 40 of Racing Heat (The Forbidden Heat #2)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

~JASE~

Cassie and I have been radio silent since she left me at the restaurant. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask Hendrix how she’s doing, but I can’t do that. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the drama of what happened between us impact the team, and that definitely would.

August pulled Cassie’s friends aside at the first practice and told them that under no circumstances should they talk to me or anyone else about Cassie or why she’s not with the team anymore.

I can tell by the daggers Hendrix shoots at me while we’re training that she’s very angry at the decision the Blaze made.

My agent wasn’t too pleased with me either.

Austin gave me a pretty good ass reaming for what I let happen.

He told me that I was the one with authority in the situation, and I should have known better.

He’s not wrong, I should have. He told me several times that I was lucky the Blaze retained me.

Reminded that I was over here on a work visa, and if I no longer had a job as a coach, that I would have to go back.

And being fired for sleeping with a player was not a high selling point for a new team to pick me up.

He warned me that this opportunity was a gift and to stop taking it for granted.

The way Coach Watts announced that Cassie is no longer with the team bothered me. He didn’t say anything good about her. He didn’t say anything bad either. Just that she was no longer with the team. And we moved on.

It sucked.

Because I haven’t moved on. I want to see her, touch her, and hold her.

But I can’t. I’m not supposed to reach out to her.

I’m not supposed to even touch her. Hell, I shouldn’t have done it in the first place, but I did.

And now I’m here and she’s not. I wouldn’t change the time we spent together.

It was the happiest I’ve ever been. Even when I was married, we weren’t that happy.

But it doesn’t matter anymore. What was right and what was wrong…

it doesn’t matter. Because we’re not allowed to be together.

It’s now game day and we’re getting ready for our game against the Racing Louisville.

I almost wish it would have been an away game.

It’s hard to be at home right now. I can still see her all over the house.

Lying in my bed, out on the patio, or even sitting at my kitchen island.

It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I wash the sheets; I can still smell her on them.

I’m sure it’s not her scent I’m getting but the memories of the way she looked sprawled out on them.

“Coach, are you paying attention?” Hendrix calls to me.

Fuck, no, I wasn’t. I’m here on the pitch trying to help the girls warm up and my head is not in this game.

Hendrix walks over to me and drops her voice so low that only her and I can hear.

“You’ve gotta get your head out of your ass and coach us.

You’ve fucked over my friend, but you’re the one who got to keep your job, so do it, please.

” She smiles sweetly at me when she says please, but she still looks like she wants to rip my dick off and make me eat it.

“Sure thing, Hen,” I reply.

I roll the ball so that she can warm up and get ready for the diving warmups that we’re going to need to do here in a bit.

“How is she?” I ask her in a low voice.

“We both know you can’t ask me that question,” she reminds me.

“I’m aware of that.”

“So why did you?”

“Because I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, you are an idiot. But somehow you’re here and she’s not. There’s nothing we can do about it. And I don’t want to talk about it or think about it right now. Just get me ready for the game. That is your job, after all, and you still have yours.”

She’s not wrong. I am still the one with my job.

Hendrix has been kinder to me that I might have been, had I been in her shoes.

She’s civil and has even asked me once or twice if I’m doing okay.

But she doesn’t have time to hear my wallowing.

It’s game day. And she’s right, I need to get my head in the game and get her ready.

Not think about how badly I’ve screwed up.

I think about Cassie constantly, but I haven’t reached out. It makes me an ass for not texting her and at least checking on her. Or apologizing for her losing her job. That makes me an even bigger ass. But I have no idea what I would even say to her.

“Dude, fucking focus!” Hendrix calls to me.

“On it,” I reply.

The rest of the warmup goes much better, and Hendrix doesn’t yell at me again. She shouldn’t have had to in the first place. This is exactly what August was worried about, I think. I need to make sure that I keep my nose clean and on task so that no one can say I’m not doing my job properly.

Coach Watts has started Kelly in Cassie’s spot. She’s not as fast as Cassie was, and her firing range isn’t as long either, but she’s who he chose. I try not to show my displeasure over her getting the spot, because it’s not her fault—it’s mine. A fact I remind myself for the thousandth time.

“I hope we can squeak out a win today,” Nate is saying from beside me. “We could use this boost in morale. We got beat pretty bad the last time, remember?”

I nod. “I remember. Hendrix is looking good. She’ll be ready. I’ve worked a lot with her on the long balls.”

“Good, good. I thought so, too. She looks great. You’re doing a great job.”

I smile at the compliment even though it makes me feel like an ass. I shouldn’t even have this job. I should have lost mine along with Cassie. “I’m sorry again about the position I put you in. It wasn’t fair.”

“It’s okay, Jase. You don’t have to keep apologizing. I understand that it happened. We’re just going to move forward.” He walks over to talk to Mac before the game gets underway.

I move over to Andie. I’m pretty sure she’s not happy with the situation. She’s sort of friends with the girls. I’ve seen them hanging out a few times at the beach and bars.

“Hey,” I say.

She looks over, pushing a strand of her short blonde hair behind her ears. “Hi.”

“Look, Andie, I’m sorry I caused a problem. I shouldn’t have put the team or Cassie in that position.”

She nods. “No, you shouldn’t have.”

“I understand if you hate me. I just wanted you to know that any punishment you want to throw my way, I deserve. I get it.”

“I don’t hate you and you shouldn’t be punished for it.

You shouldn’t have been sleeping with a player, because that’s against the rules.

Not just August’s rules, but the league’s rules.

But no one should have been fired. It wasn’t fair to make an example out of her.

Not that I wanted you gone, but I didn’t want her gone either. Kelly is good, but she’s no Cas.”

“I agree. I just feel really awful. I never apologized, because of the way you looked at me in that meeting. I knew you were pissed. And you have every right to be. I just didn’t have the stones to come over and say I’m sorry until now.”

Andie bumps her shoulder with mine. “I was pissed. But you know what, it’s not you that I’m completely pissed at.

Him too.” She motions behind her to where August is probably watching the game from up high, in his box.

“It just shouldn’t have been either one of you is all.

I like working with you, so I’m glad you’re still here.

You really do care for these girls. But she played with so much heart.

There’s no replacement for that kind of heart. ”

“You’re right, there isn’t.”

We fall into a comfortable silence while the National Anthem plays. Both of us take our spots near the players when the starting whistle blows.

I always hang out down by the goal, at least as far as the coaches’ box will let me go.

“Hendrix, get up in the box,” I call out to her as a player is coming hard for the goal. “You need to cut her angle.”

She nods and moves into position, readying herself for the shot she might take. Amelia runs over and takes the ball from her, then dribbles it up.

“Kelly!” she calls out, sending it up to our new starting right midfielder. But she loses the ball to, and we’re back on defense.

Coach Watts calls out instructions for Kelly and she nods. My heart sinks thinking that Amelia’s pass would have probably resulted in a complete one to Cassie and then to Mac. Or maybe even a goal, because Cassie has amazing range on her shots.

At halftime, the score is still zero to zero. We’ve had a few shots on goal, but none have gone in. Mac is breathing hard as she’s walking into the locker room. Normally, she avoids being near me, but it just so happens that we end up side by side.

“You’re having a great game,” I compliment her. I feel like that’s my best course of action right now. I’m sure she hates me. I got her best friend fired.

“Thanks. It’s hard to get a rhythm with Kelly. We’ll get there, though. The team misses Cassie, I can tell.”

“I miss her too,” I admit. No harm in saying it, I figure.

“I’m sure you do. She’s fucking amazing and she deserved better than this.”

“She sure did.”

“No arguments from you tonight, huh?” she says with a chuckle.

“Nothing you said isn’t completely true.”

“Damn right.” Mac moves faster so that she’s away from me.

I don’t blame her; I wouldn’t have wanted to be around me either. Once we’re in the locker room, Coach Watts is looking around at the girls.

“Coach Ford, I need you. Can you fire these girls up?” he asks me.

I sigh. I know he’s looking for a motivational talk like I gave during our last loss. It helped console the girls and maybe even lifted their spirits. I don’t think I have it in me, but it’s my job.

“Sure, Coach,” I reply. I move so that I’m standing more in the center of the room and can get a better view of them.

“Listen, girls, we have got to get our heads up. The chemistry of the formation has changed, but change can be a good thing. We need to learn to embrace and push through so that we can get a ball in that net. You can do this. You just need to believe that you can. They might be tough, but I’ve never met a tougher bunch of girls in my life.

Now, stop hanging your heads, and let’s go and win this thing.

We’re the Tampa Bay Blaze, and damn it, we need this win! ”

“Family on three,” Mac yells. She counts them out and the locker room erupts with the word family.

I look for Hendrix and see she’s already making her way out there. I leave the locker room, ending up beside Mac and Amelia.

“Great speech, Coach,” Amelia says, smiling at me. “You know, I like you. I think you’re a great coach. When I found out what had been happening, I was happy for you. But I hate that it cost my girl something she loves. Just know that I don’t blame you. We all blame August.”

“That’s going to make going out later awkward,” I say, trying to make a joke and failing.

“Those days might be dead,” Mac says, pushing past me.

I nod. Of course they are. How could we all go back to hanging out and not have it be awkward or end in a fight? Mac would proudly take off August’s head for firing her best friend. Hendrix already hates him, so I’m sure she’d happily dismember him too.

The game ends in a loss, two to one. Mac ended up putting a pretty one into the back of the net early, but it wasn’t enough.

Hendrix worked her ass off, but a few long shots went in, and we couldn’t recover.

The midfield looked sluggish and slow. Something it probably wouldn’t have looked like if Cassie were there.

Fuck, I need to get her off my mind.