Page 35 of Quest for her Knights (The Lost Souls of Dyconia #5)
Maybe I’m being a tad dramatic. Maybe it’s the wine. Either way, I feel angry, hurt and frustrated. They told me I have to pick lords to marry, and when I actually find some that might be tolerable, they get upset and drag me away .
The door creaks open, then closes again and a single pair of footsteps move closer before the bed dips behind me. A warm hand gently starts rubbing my back, but I refuse to move.
“Darling.” I sniffle as Blaze’s warm hand continues to try and soothe me. “Will you come out from under there and talk to me?”
“No. I live here now.”
He chuckles before moving to lie down behind me, he moves my body so I’m facing him then shoves his head under the pillow beside mine.
“Hi,” he whispers.
“You’re not supposed to be under here,” I tell him. “This is a boy-free zone.”
“I’m not a boy, I’m a man.”
“Well, either way, this is only for emotional women who want to cry in peace.” His amused eyes turn sad and he snakes a hand up between us. He rubs his thumb over my cheeks, trying to wipe the wet tears away.
He doesn’t say anything and I sniffle.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” he pleads.
“Why are all men in this world so confusing?”
“Do I confuse you, darling?”
I groan and turn my face into the mattress. “You’re one of the worst!”
“Why?” He pushes my hair away from the side of my face and I tilt my head back to him .
“This. Right here.” I point a finger at his hand on my face as I frown at him. “Why are you doing that?”
“You don’t like it?”
“Blaze…” I groan, squeezing my eyes shut tight. “You are infuriating!”
“I can stop.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to stop.
I don’t want any of you four to ever stop.
That’s the problem.” His eyes turn pitying, so I turn back to the mattress again and groan.
“Don’t look at me like that. Do you know how messed up this whole situation is?
I’m being forced to pretend to be a princess and marry men I have no interest in.
If I weren’t being forced to only marry lords, I bet I could find some decent, normal guys who actually want to be with me.
I could ditch my princess status and live amongst the people. ”
I feel Blaze move closer, his body touching mine. His hand threads through the hair at the side of my head as he tilts my head away from the mattress so I have to look at him.
We’re so close, our noses almost touch as he whispers, “If the kings and queen weren’t forcing you to marry lords, you wouldn’t be given the chance to meet anyone else.”
“W-what do you mean?” I stammer as I try to decipher his expression.
“I’d snatch you up in a heartbeat.” My chest aches with a need to be closer to him and my breath hitches with hope. I lick my lips and his eyes trace the movement .
“You want me?” I whisper, afraid if we speak too loud it will break the connection between us.
“You have no idea.”
“I think I do,” I whisper as I lean towards him, begging for his lips to touch mine.
“Blaze?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Kiss me?”
His brows pinch, pain written all over his face as he closes his eyes. “Elora… I can’t.”
I pull back, like I’ve been slapped in the face. Tears roll down my cheeks as I sniffle. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“What?” His eyes open and he watches my tears with a look of confusion.
“Why did you even come in here? Can you go away now? I just want to be left alone.” It takes everything I have to hold in my sobbing as I roll away and wait for him to leave. It takes him a few seconds, but he silently gets up and leaves, the door clicking shut behind him.
I hold the pillow tight over my head as I let my sob break free.
If he couldn’t kiss me in that moment, then he never will.
He might think he wants to be with me, but he must not feel the same pull that I do.
I don’t feel like I could ever choose anyone but them.
And that thought alone has me crying even harder.
Because I can’t have them, I keep telling myself that I finally get it, but this time, with Blaze being so close to kissing me, and even hidden away from any prying eyes, he couldn’t do it. He chose his duty as a knight over me.
I suppose it’s honorable of them to be holding their ground the way they are, but I hate it.
I want them to want me so much that they throw all of that away to be with me.
I don’t know why it even matters so much with the kings and queen think.
They didn’t seem that bad, I’m sure we could convince them it’s for the best.
But it doesn’t matter. The knights will never cross that line.
And as much as I’d like to think of myself as badass enough to slip out the bedroom window here, and make my way to the local town where I’d find some charming men ready to take me home and ravish me, I know I’d probably be attacked by a wild animal or bandit within ten minutes. This is nothing like my world.
My only option is to suck it up, go back out there and try to make things work with these lords. I don’t think there are many left to meet, and going by the past ones I’ve met, Darian and his brothers might be the closest I get to being happy.