Page 13 of Pucking Tangled

THIRTEEN

Luca

Standing outside of Mia’s bedroom door, he flexed his fists at his side and tried to shake off the nervous jitters sweeping through him like he was about to take the ice for the first time in the NHL. Except he was pretty sure that this was way worse.

He promised himself that he’d tell Mia the truth. His truth.

Tonight.

No more hiding.

It didn’t help that she skipped dinner and hadn’t come out of her room since they all got home. Luca had all but convinced himself that she was avoiding him. If she was, he’d know soon enough.

He finally knocked, softly and waited some more.

Mia cracked open the door like she was afraid of who may be on the other side. “Hey.”

“Book Club?” That sounded a lot cooler in his head.

She nodded and opened the door a little wider. She stood there in a worn T-shirt and shorts, hair loose around her shoulders, looking like warmth and safety and every complicated thought he’d had about her since the night she moved in.

“Yeah. Sure. Come on in.”

Luca stepped into her room and leaned back against the door frame, tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

“I…uh...I had a hard time sleeping on the road.”

“Oh. Is that usually an issue for you?” she asked.

“Sometimes. I think it’s more than just being away from home though. I think it’s got something to do with whatever’s going on with us.”

Mia didn’t respond. Instead she curled up in the oversized chair that sat in the corner of her room and tucked her feet under her. He liked that about her. She didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. She gave Luca all the time he needed to say whatever it was he needed to say.

“You asked me when I gave you that book if I was trying to tell you something.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Truth is, I’ve never been with anyone before.”

She tilted her head. “You’ve never been in a relationship?”

“That’s…uh…that’s not exactly what I meant. Mia, I’m a virgin. Probably the only virgin on the team.” He could hear his pulse pounding in his ears and he just prayed he wouldn’t puke all over the place.

Her expression softened.

“I’ve kissed a girl before. But that’s about it. A lot of girls assumed I was weird. The nerd. Too uptight. Or gay. I heard that before, too.”

Mia still didn’t bat an eye. “Are you gay?”

Luca shook his head. “No. I mean. I don’t think so.

The guys, they invited me to…uhm…‘hang out’ with them one night.

You know. When they fool around with a girl or two.

At the same time. I couldn’t tell them the truth.

I didn’t want them to know I had never been with anyone.

So I watched. It was hot, but I’m pretty sure I’m not into guys. ”

He knew his face was blood red.

If the world would just open up and swallow him whole, right now, that would have been great.

“You should know, I’m not telling you this now because I want anything from you tonight,” he whispered. “I just didn’t want to keep it from you. In case something ever did happen between us—I’d want you to know. First.”

Her chest rose and fell slowly. Her mouth parted like she was about to speak, then didn’t.

And then she moved toward him—barefoot, quiet, steady.

“We’ll come back to the whole sharing women thing in a minute. But, Luca,” she stood and walked over to him. “It couldn’t have been easy for you to share that with me.” Mia placed her hand on his cheek. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Luca took her hand and kissed her palm. “Thanks, Mia. You’re one of a kind. I hope you know that.”

“You are too, Luca.”

“But now you have questions about the guys.” He winced. “I’m sorry. For some reason, I thought you knew.”

Mia shook her head. “I had no clue.”

“It was consensual. I’ve heard rumors. About a couple players on a different team and the disgusting stuff they do. It wasn’t like that at all. The guys, they knew the girl. The girls. Everyone was on board. Even me. I crossed that threshold and watched, willingly.”

She sighed. “I bet those two girls felt on top of the world. Having all of their attention like that. ”

“I guess they did. They were really into it from where I was sitting.”

“Can I ask why you’ve chosen to wait? You don’t have to answer that, if you don’t want to though.”

Luca shrugged. “I’ve always wanted my first time to mean something. All through college, and honestly even in high school, I watched my peers chase shallow connections and empty feelings. None of my relationships felt right. There was always something missing.”

“I’m guessing none of your other girlfriends knew?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I never trusted anyone enough until now.”

“You can always trust me.” She laced her fingers with his. “I promise.”

“I…uh…I should go now. We’ve got another team building exercise tomorrow and I want to be well rested. You should get some sleep too.”

“Good night, Luca.”

“Night.” He backed out of the room slowly, closing the door with a quiet click, his chest full of something he hadn’t let himself feel in a long time.

Hope.