Page 15 of Protected By the Bikers Next Door (Never Just One #4)

Harper

T he bliss I felt last night has worn off, and I wake feeling guilty as sin.

What kind of woman has sex with two best friends only days apart?

What kind of mother? Despite what Bear said, surely he and Wolf can’t be happy to share.

He even suggested that Hawk might be into it, too. What’s more, I’ve even considered it.

It’s not normal. Is it?

I roll over in bed, trying not to wake Jenny beside me.

Grabbing my phone, I Google: ‘loving three men’, ‘I’m having feelings for three men’, and ‘can I have a relationship with three men?’.

Google comes back with the term ‘polyamory.’ I do some digging and, although some of the search results make me blush and feel like a naive prude, it turns out that it isn’t as abnormal as I thought.

It gives me hope that this crazy idea might even work.

Real people do this. It’s a thing.

Even so, I need the approval of a real, living, breathing person I know. Strangers on the internet are one thing, but how will people react in the real world? I call the only person I can talk to about this, my best friend since college, Mira Chen.

While other girls were out partying, Mira and I were studying in the library.

Mira, because she was singularly determined to reach her goal of passing with flying colors and becoming a US Marshal, and I, because Ryan, my ex, was so jealous it wasn’t worth the following argument.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to study and do well at college, but I didn’t have Mira’s drive.

We’d met in the college library. Mira hunched over a textbook, her poker-straight black hair hanging like a curtain, obscuring her face.

I almost didn’t approach her. I had always been shy, even before Ryan saw something in me and decided to date me.

But I was desperately lonely, in need of a friend, and when I saw Mira, something in me told me that I wanted to be her friend.

We became friends, despite our surface-level differences—Mira is whip-thin and super bright, the daughter of loving and supportive parents who moved to the US from China before Mira was born, in search of the American Dream.

At a size 16-18, I’m by no means skinny, and although I’m intelligent, I’m not on Mira’s level.

I don’t have any family, and Mira’s the only friend I have left, the only link to my past.

Although I don’t see Mira much, because she’s busy with work and I’m busy with Jenny, she’s always there for me whenever I call. I smile as I wait for her to pick up.

“Hey, Harper, what’s up? That goddaughter of mine driving you insane?” she says fondly.

I chuckle, my heart feeling ten times lighter just from hearing Mira’s voice. “You know it. She misses her Auntie Mira. We both do.”

“I miss you both, too. How’s the new place? Settling in okay? I promise I’ll come visit as soon as I can.”

I hesitate. I called to speak about the guys, and I’m not sure if I should tell her about my stalker or not.

I don’t want to worry her. I’ve only just begun to feel safe in my new place, I don’t want to have to move again.

However, Mira’s perceptive. She knows me too well for me to hide things, even over the phone.

“Oh no, you’re not answering right away.

That means something’s wrong with it? Is it rats?

Faulty wiring? Worse? Gimme the number of the realtor that tricked you, and I’ll call him up and give him a piece of my mind.

Or better yet, I’ll have Ted threaten to sue them,” she declares.

Ted is her lovely brother who just so happens to be a lawyer.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” I take a deep breath and explain about the notes, being careful to downplay it as much as I can. “But you don’t need to worry, like I said, my neighbors are keeping us safe.”

She offers all the kind words of concern and advice, asking questions that I’ve asked myself a hundred times.

When she suggests I move, I remind her that I sunk every penny I had into the house.

I can’t afford to move. Plus, even with my government checks, this is the only place I could afford close enough to Jenny’s new school, one of the few in this area that is any good.

“Come live with us,” Mira offers. As lovely as it would be to live in her beautiful, state-of-the-art home, there’s no way I’m taking her up on the offer.

It’s kind of them, but I couldn’t do it.

My pride won’t allow it, and it’s not fair to them.

I thank her for the offer and politely but firmly refuse.

Mira knows better than to argue with me once I’ve made my mind up about something.

“Alright then, but you let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, anything at all. ”

“I will,” I promise.

“Now, I want to hear all about these neighbors of yours. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how evasive you’ve been about them. What are they like?”

“They’re… hot,” I reply, giggling like we’re back in college again, admiring the football team.

“Tell me everything!”

I describe the guys in detail, laughing and joking with Mira like old times, chatting about our latest crushes. She teases me a little about their nicknames and also makes sure to ask about the club, checking that they aren’t gangsters, which I assure her they aren’t.

“So, do any of them like you, too? Are you going to make a move? Have any of them made a move?”

“Well, that’s the thing… they already kinda did…” I take a deep breath and tell her about hooking up with Wolf and then with Bear. “I feel terrible…” I finish.

“Why? You had amazing sex with two guys that you’re really into, who are into you, and who have openly stated they’re aware and happy that you have hooked up with their friend and won’t even mind if you pursue their other best friend. I’m failing to see the downside here.”

“Really? You don’t think it makes me a slut and a terrible mom?”

She guffaws. “Of course not. First of all, the number of men you sleep with doesn’t diminish your value; that’s some patriarchal bullshit.

And secondly, it sure as shit doesn’t make you a bad mom.

Sounds as though Jenny loves the guys and you’re doing everything you should to make sure she’s safe and happy. ”

“But still… It’s not normal, is it? I can’t actually be in a relationship with three guys. What will people say?” I ask anxiously.

“Fuck what people say.”

“It’s insane, though. I can’t be falling for three men at the same time. But I want them all. Is that crazy?”

“Harper, love isn’t crazy, it’s brave, especially when it doesn’t fit into neat little boxes. You deserve happiness, and if these guys make you happy, I say go for it. Fuck what anyone else says.”

My heart swells with love for my best friend. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I’ve been told,” she replies. I can hear the smile in her voice. “So are you. Better start believing it. Now, I gotta go to work, but don’t be a stranger, okay? I need regular updates about everything. Stay safe. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mira.”

Despite Mira’s words, I still have my doubts. Can I really do this? It’s hard enough to throw yourself into a new relationship and open up, being vulnerable. Can I really do that with three people?