Page 172 of Project Hail Mary

Finally, I hear a scrape. It’s Rocky pulling his carapace off the floor.“We work more,”he says.“We no give up. We work hard. We are brave.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

I’m not the right guy for this job. I’m a last-second replacement because the actually qualified people blew up. But I’m here. I may not have all the answers, but I’m here. I must have volunteered, believing at the time that it was a suicide mission. Doesn’t help Earth, but it’s something.

—

Stratt’s trailer was twice the size of mine. Privileges of rank, I suppose. Though to be fair, she needed the space. She sat at a large table covered in papers. I could see at least six different languages in four different alphabets on the paperwork before her, but she didn’t seem to have a problem with any of them.

A Russian soldier stood in one corner of the room. Not exactly at attention, but not relaxed either. There was a chair next to him, but he’d apparently elected to stand.

“Hello, Dr. Grace,” Stratt said without looking up. She pointed to the soldier. “That’s Private Meknikov. Even though we know the explosion was an accident, the Russians aren’t taking any chances.”

I looked to the soldier. “So he’s here to make sure imaginary terrorists don’t kill you?”

“Something like that.” She looked up. “So. It’s five o’clock. Have you made your decision? Are you going to be theHail Mary’s science specialist?”

I sat opposite her. I couldn’t meet her gaze. “No.”

She scowled at me. “I see.”

“It’s…you know…the kids. I should stay here for the kids.” I squirmed in my seat. “Even if theHail Maryfinds the answer, we’re going to have almost thirty years of misery.”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“And, um, well, I’m a teacher. I should teach. We need to raise a strong, solid generation of survivors. Right now we’re soft. You, me, the whole Western world. We’re the result of growing up in unprecedented comfort and stability. It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work. And they’re going to inherit a mess. I can really do a lot more by preparing kids for the world that’s to come. I should stay here on Earth where I’m needed.”

“On Earth,” she repeated. “Where you’re needed.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“As opposed to on theHail Mary,where you could be instrumental in solving the entire problem because you’re completely trained for the task.”

“It’s not like that,” I said. “I mean. It’s a little like that. But look, I’m no good on a crew. I’m not some intrepid explorer.”

“Oh, I know,” she said. She clenched her fist and looked to the side for a moment. Then back to me with a burning gaze I’d never seen before. “Dr. Grace. You’re a coward and you’re full of shit.”

I winced.

“If you really cared so much about the children, you’d get on that ship without hesitation. You could save billions of them from the apocalypse instead of preparing hundreds of them for it.”

I shook my head. “It’s not about that—”

“Do you think I don’t know you, Dr. Grace?!” she yelled. “You’re a coward and you always have been. You abandoned a promising scientific career because people didn’t like a paper you wrote. You retreated to the safety of children who worship you for being the cool teacher. You don’t have a romantic partner in your life because that would mean you might suffer heartbreak. You avoid risk like the plague.”

I stood up. “Okay, it’s true! I’m afraid! I don’t want to die! I worked my ass off on this project and I deserve to live! I’mnotgoing, and that’s final! Get the next person on the list—that Paraguayan chemist. Shewantsto go!”

She slammed her fist on the table. “I don’t care whowantsto go. I care who’s most qualified! Dr. Grace, I’m sorry, but you aregoingon that mission. I know you’re afraid. I know you don’t want to die. But you’re going.”

“You’re out of your darn mind. I’m leaving now.” I turned to the door.

“Meknikov!” she shouted.

The soldier deftly stepped between me and the door.

I turned back to her. “You have got to be kidding.”

“It would have been easier if you’d just said yes.”