Page 175 of Pride High 3: Yellow

Still, it wouldn’t be all bad. His mother wouldn’t be there to boss him around anymore. Or to bake cookies. Or to take care of him when he was sick. His dad wouldn’t nag him to mow the lawn or take out the trash. Or make dumb jokes in an effort to cheer him up when he got moody. Which always worked, even when Ricky didn’t want it to. Nor would he have Anthony to turn to for advice, or Omar when he needed someone to goof off with. Thinking of Cameron’s friendly face was enough to make his heart ache. Which was strange, because yesterday he had felt like Diego was all he needed, no matter the circumstances. Being with him should be enough! But it wasn’t, and Ricky was getting freaked out. Especially with each highway exit they passed, taking him farther and farther away from the world he knew.

“Do you know how to cook?” he asked.

Diego snorted. “My mom sure doesn’t, and I never starved to death.”

“Okay.” He found himself searching for another reason, one good enough to turn the car around, because all he saw now was a white pawn surrounded by black pieces. Bishops, knights, a queen… So much could go wrong, and the side of the board he had come from would be distant. Impossible to reach on his own. He didn’t even have a driver’s license yet! Ricky was hungry, he smelled bad, and he wanted nothing more than to return to the safety of his room. Even if he was grounded there. Or banished to his grandparents’ house in Seattle, which sounded better than living in some strange woman’s apartment out in the desert. His heart was pounding as he stared at the person behind the steering wheel. The guy who used to show up to school drunk and had nearly burnt down a house on a whim.

Diego finally noticed him looking. “What?”

“I can’t,” Ricky croaked.

Diego’s brow furrowed. “Can’t what?”

Ricky swallowed, his throat constricting. “I need to go home.”

Diego shook his head. “I told you, I’ll get you anything you want. We can stop somewhere if that helps.”

“I’m not like you,” Ricky said, his voice trembling. “I need my parents.”

Diego eyed him a moment longer before turning his attention to the road. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Ricky said, struggling against the lump in his throat. “I don’t feel safe.”

Diego scoffed. “Right. I forget sometimes what it’s like to have a false sense of security. You’ll get over it. Like I did, because there is no safety net, Ricky. I know you think there is, but it’s bullshit. An illusion. What’s your dad going to do if a drunk driver runs you over when you’re walking home from school? What are you going to do if your parents get cancer and die? Jack shit, that’s what! You aren’t safe now. And you weren’t safe before. Nothing has changed. It’s all in your head.”

These weren’t the comforting words he needed. He thought of Cameron again. “I’ll miss my friends.”

“They aren’t worth much,” Diego grumbled. “You really think they’re going to be there when the shit hits the fan? They won’t. I know, because we’re talking about the same fucking people!”

He was wrong. Omar had been there for him after his suicide attempt. Anthony had been too ever since. He thought of how Cameron had logged into a chat room each day when Ricky was grounded, just so he’d have someone to talk to. Even though Cameron surely had better things to do, like hanging out with his boyfriend.

“People change,” Ricky tried.

“Human nature doesn’t,” Diego shot back.

“I’m scared. I want to go home.”

The car swerved onto the shoulder and came to a halt so suddenly that his chest strained painfully against the seatbelt.

Diego’s face had twisted up. “You want tobailon me?”

“No!” he said, knowing how much that had hurt his boyfriend in the past. “We’ll see each other again. At the end of summer.”

“I can’t go back to Pride,” Diego said.

“Not right away maybe,” Ricky said, trying to find a solution. “You can still visit your grandma in El Paso. And when you come back—”

“Nothing will be different!” Diego snarled. “Anthony was right: Graham’s dad is a lawyer and will make sure I get the book thrown at me. This isn’t my first offense. If I go back there,ever, then I’m fucked. They’re gonna lock me up. And your parents sure as hell won’t let me see you again, no matter how long we wait.” He grabbed Ricky’s hand. “I know what you’re scared of. It’s gonna happen eventually though. Nothing lasts forever. People come and go. But not us, okay? We found something.” His grip constricted, hurting Ricky’s hand, but it was nothing compared to the needle stabbing his heart. “Me and you,” Diego said, his voice raw with emotion. “That’s what it’s all about. But we’ve gotta get out of here, right now, because if we don’t, they’re gonna tear us apart.”

Ricky stared into cinnamon eyes that were wet with tears and vulnerable in a way he’d never witnessed before. He wanted to give in to them and tell Diego to slam his foot down on the gas pedal and never look back. But he couldn’t. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Diego’s face went slack. Then he released Ricky’s hand and withdrew to his side of the car. “See what I mean?” he asked as he shifted back into drive. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“That’s not true!” Ricky cried.

“Then prove it.” Diego slowed at the next exit but didn’t seem hopeful. He stared right at him and said, “Tell me to keep going.”

“Can’t we talk about it?” Ricky tried. “We’ll park somewhere and come up with a new plan.”