Page 37 of Pretty Little Trigger

CHAPTER 36

Hunter

The water runs hot against my skin.

It’s the only thing that can wash away the weight of what I’ve been thinking.

I lean against the tiled wall, letting it pour over my head, tracing the dark lines of ink on my arms.

Alana doesn’t deserve the shit she’s been through.

She deserves light and warmth and a life that doesn’t leave scars on her heart.

I’m not the one who should be her anchor.

I’m not the one who should be holding her up when the world’s torn her apart.

But here I am. Taking up space in her life like I belong there.

Pretending I’m a fucking good guy, when I know better.

She’s stronger than me.

Stronger than I’ll ever be.

She’s fought her demons and made it look effortless.

She deserves someone who doesn’t haunt her.

Someone who’s not built on shadows.

Someone whole.

My jaw tightens.

I hate this.

I hate how I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

How every time she looks at me, every time her voice brushes against my skin, it makes me forget everything I ever believed about myself.

I close my eyes, lean my forehead against the cool tile, trying to push the thoughts away.

The water’s still hot, but it does nothing to burn off the tightness in my chest. My mind is too heavy to lift and too full to escape.

And I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending.

Every day, the line blurs more.

Every day, the space between wanting her and claiming her gets thinner.

And one day soon… I’m going to cross it.

And I don’t know if I’ll come back from that.