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Camilla Vivaldi

My body bumps against something, but it’s the eyes mirroring the panic in my soul that pulls me out of my disassociation.

The woman looks familiar, but my brain refuses to reach for her name or tell me where I saw her before, insisting the bubble of nothing in my mind is the safest place for me even as my senses slowly tune in to the world around me.

Green trees rustle in the breeze and blue covers the sky. Dozens of people walk the paths. Families laugh in the fields.

The placard on a nearby bench reads Central Park along the bottom.

The woman I bumped into shifts her gaze to look at something behind me. No, not something. Someone.

Muffled sounds filter through the cotton in my ears, but I instinctively shy away from the masculine voice and focus on my other senses.

Sourness coats my tongue. Saliva floods my mouth as I push the piece of hard candy against my teeth. I don’t know where it came from, but it’s shockingly sour. My stomach clenches, warning me against swallowing, but I have no choice as more saliva pools in my mouth.

Paper crinkles in my left hand, the sensation weird without the audible cues, and the leather of my purse digs into the fingertips of my right hand.

The woman inhales and parts her lips as though to speak, but she shakes her head and runs her fingers through her long hair. My mind uses the pause to fill in what I missed.

“Miss Denaro? What are you doing in New York?” my bodyguard asks.

She glances behind her.

“My father came on a business trip, so I tagged along to meet my fiancé, but I thought I saw… never mind. Obviously, I’m not being the most observant today. I’m so sorry, Camilla. Are you okay?”

The world clicks into real time and information overwhelms my mind.

I just blindly collided with Valentina Denaro, the only heir of San Francisco’s most powerful mafia don, in Central Park with my bodyguards trailing behind me and Loretta Giordano beside me.

I correct myself. She’s not a Giordano anymore. Loretta married Ermanno Mancini a few days ago. I’ve only met her twice, but my sister trusts her, so I’ll give her a chance.

My stomach churns as I swallow another overly sour mouthful of saliva.

Loretta takes my purse from my tingling fingers. She addresses Valentina as she opens the clasp and digs inside.

“She’s not ignoring you, I swear. I think I just accidentally gave her a sour candy instead of a caramel. Hang on. Here, Camilla.”

She places a tissue in my frozen hand. I accept the prompt and spit the candy into the tissue and resist the urge to scrub my tongue by folding it into a neat little square.

Loretta offers me her can of pop, and even though I don’t really know her and I hate the brand and flavor, I take it and down several gulps before offering it back with a lame thanks.

She hands me my purse and I take it without thought as I meet Valentina’s eyes.

“I’m okay. You?” I ask.

She assures me she’s fine, so I introduce the women to each other and nod when Valentina excuses herself after exchanging a few pleasantries.

Loretta takes a step forward, and I naturally follow her lead. We walk along the path in silence for a few minutes, my companion sensing my need to gather myself.

Despite the beautiful scenery, dark visions play in my mind.

A man attacked Loretta in her twin sister’s apartment a few days ago. Her jewelry recorded the entire thing. She brought the videos to me in hopes I could identify her attacker.

He didn’t look familiar, but I barely glimpsed the three men who snatched me up from the wreckage before they blindfolded me. They never took it off after.

But his voice transported me back into the depths of my misery and pain.

Before my mind retreats into itself again, I tilt my face into the sunlight, count the clouds in the sky, and mentally recite the words my therapist drilled into my mind.

I am safe. I am alive. I am loved. I am healing.

“Did I tell you he was one of them?” I ask before I lose my nerve.

“You did. I’m sorry, Camilla,” Loretta says.

I stop in my tracks as fury sweeps through me.

“Don’t apologize unless you did something wrong. You had my consent to show me the video, so there’s no reason for you to be sorry.”

The envelope crinkles in my fist.

“I meant for the sour candy. It usually shocks people out of a spiral, but you didn’t even notice it until you bumped into Valentina,” she says.

“That wasn’t your fault either. Thank you for helping,” I reply.

Her green eyes shimmer with concern.

I lift the envelope.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“Serenity asked me to give it to you.”

I tuck my purse under my arm and smooth the wrinkled paper as best as I can before holding it with both hands and reading Serenity’s artsy handwriting.

For when you’re ready. Love, Serenity and Nico.

A lead ball drops into my stomach, and I know what it is before I open the flap. My entire body shakes as I stick my fingers into the envelope.

I’ll never be ready, but it’s been almost a year since my father failed to protect me.

A year. I wasted a year drowning in a sea of self-pity and mourning, and while I have a long road of recovery still ahead of me, I can’t let them win for another second.

My attackers have stolen enough from me.

I am safe. I am alive. I am loved. I am healing.

Loretta killed one of the men who hurt me. They aren’t immortal monsters. I’ll never be able to go back to the person I was before they broke me, but I can stop them from hurting others.

I can protect my family.

My fingers tremble as I pull the photo out of the envelope.

Dated two weeks ago, the picture of my niece blurs before me. A tear drips onto her face.

“She’s perfect,” I whisper.

Serenity has had to do so much alone. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. Our parents forced her to marry Nico Russo, the man I was supposed to wed, but I was so riddled with guilt and misery I couldn’t help her.

“Perla truly is perfect. I met her yesterday. I still can’t believe Serenity made me her godmother,” Loretta says.

The awe in her tone softens the ball of emotions in my stomach.

Serenity isn’t alone. She built a family of trustworthy people around herself.

Loretta’s straightforwardness may put some people off, but I no longer have the capacity for social niceties for the sake of someone’s ego, so her honesty is refreshing.

This is only my second time meeting her, but the sour taste still lingering on my tongue from the candy proves she’s worthy of my sister’s trust.

It may take me longer to accept her, but I know my younger sister is an excellent judge of character, so no jealousy rises when I realize Loretta met my niece before me.

It’s my own fault.

“I’m ready,” I say.

Loretta doesn’t question my abrupt out-of-context statement. After studying my eyes for half a heartbeat, she smiles and nods.

“Yeah, you are. Let me call Serenity and—”

“I’ll do it,” I interrupt.

Unable to loosen my grip on Perla’s photo, I let Loretta tug my purse out from under my arm. She digs out my phone and punches in my passcode as I say the numbers, then puts it on speaker and holds it up near my face.

Serenity answers on the second ring.

“Hi, Cams! Is something wrong?”

Her greeting compounds my guilt as I realize I haven’t reached out to her since the attack.

Actually, it’s been longer than that. I pulled away from the family almost four years prior when I got my dream modeling contract with the top company in the United States.

“I’m coming to meet my niece.”

When my ears register my demanding tone, I clear my throat, close my eyes, and shake my head. My sister’s silence terrifies me.

“I mean, can I come visit?” I ask.

My voice still sounds harsh, but the fear and adrenaline rushing through my veins has me teetering on the edge of my control. One slip and I’ll plummet back into the pit of nothingness.

“You’re always welcome in my home, Camilla. When are you coming?” Serenity says in a voice thick with emotion.

A small snuffle and sigh in the background fills my heart with wonder. Even through the speaker with the sounds of the park all around me, the proof my sister brought a delicate life into the world alters something in my brain and gives me purpose.

“Now. I want to come now,” I say.

“Yes, please. I’d like that,” Serenity replies.

I don’t hear the rest of the conversation. My feet already carry me the way we came. I don’t know where we parked, or even how we got here, but Loretta guides me with clear body language while respecting my space.

She moves with the grace of a predator despite her feminine curves, and I can’t help but appreciate her strength.

“I accept,” I blurt.

Despite the jump in topics, she miraculously follows my train of thought and smiles in satisfaction.

She offered to teach me practical self-defense along with Natalie and Bella, Nico’s sister and half sister.

“Good. I’m ready as soon as you are,” she says.

I nod and wait for my bodyguard to step back after he opens the car door for me.

I don’t know if Serenity or Nico gave them orders to keep their distance, but every man they’ve sent to protect me has always given me as wide a berth as possible.

I’ll never be able to thank my sister and her husband enough.

I slip into the back seat and avoid looking at the driver’s area. After a year of countless car rides, I still get queasy when I think about sitting behind the wheel.

We ride with no need for small talk. The radio plays quietly in the background. I turn off my mind, not delving into the darkness of disassociation but needing a few minutes of relative quiet to prepare for the moments to come.

My nerves return as I join Loretta in the private elevator to my sister’s new home.