Page 64 of Possess Me at Midnight (Doomsday Brethren #4)

Chapter Forty-Three

Ice

M y blade strikes nothing.

I blink. Blink again, desperate to clear my vision. I wipe sweat and tears from my eyes as I pray for strength and stagger to my feet.

Just in time to see Mathias crawl onto the brown grass outside the challenge ring. The wizard casts me a look of pure loathing. Then…he disappears.

“Where the bloody devil did he go?” Spencer asks, wearing a puzzled frown.

“Gone,” Blackbourne drawls. “He teleported away.”

Defeat crushes me, squeezing the breath from my chest and threatening to suffocate me.

I tried. God knows… I tried so hard to rid magickind of his menace.

Sure, I won the Council challenge…but I lost the goddamn war.

Now Mathias will have the time and space to regroup.

He’ll come back stronger to attack the Doomsday Brethren and ambush innocents.

Because I couldn’t fucking stop him.

I disappointed myself, Gailene, my beloved Sabelle. And all magickind. I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying again to clear my vision, but I know that once I tear my hands away, Mathias will still be gone.

I hold in a curse and stumble to my feet. I must keep moving forward. Even if Sabelle never speaks to me again, even if she deems me unworthy, I have to save her.

As I move to leave the challenge ring, Blackbourne wraps his bony fingers around my arm to stop me. “You’re alive.”

Barely. And Blackbourne blinks as if he’s astounded.

Somehow, I find the energy to nod. “I must…” I stab my palms into my eyes again, trying not to see two of everything, and draw in steadying breaths. “Find Sabelle. That bastard you supported got away and threatened to kill her.”

The rest of the Council frowns at me. “Your brother and O’Shea are in the house, so I presume they’re looking for her now.

Before you join them, we have business to see to.

Since Mr. d’Arc teleported away during the challenge, I pronounce you the winner.

Accordingly, you are now the next member of the Magical Council, with all the privileges and rights?—”

“Later.” I don’t have time for pomp and circumstance.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Blackbourne calls to my retreating back.

Putting one foot in front of the other, I trudge toward the house. “I don’t give a bloody fuck about anything right now except finding Sabelle.”

Halfway across the yard, I stumble. My heart races. My head swims. I can scarcely breathe. But Sabelle needs me. I’ve failed her once today. I can’t fail her again. Mathias cannot be allowed to harm her. I’ll do whatever I must to save her.

“Ice?”

God, the voice of an angel. It sounds just like Sabelle’s. I blink furiously, but my vision only blurs more. That must be why I see what can only be an illusion.

Despite my head weighing a thousand pounds, when I look across the yard, the mirage of my beloved princess darts through the back doors, Tynan and Bram in tow, clutching a terrified Rhea.

I lurch over to Sabelle. She meets me more than halfway; I use the last of my strength to lift my hands and grab her shoulders.

She’s not a hallucination. She’s real. She’s here. And blessedly, she’s unharmed. “You’re safe.”

Even though Mathias escaped by unfair means, right now I feel overwhelming relief. The self-anger will return soon enough.

“You did it!” Sabelle’s voice trembles as she throws her arms around me. “You won!”

I bury my face in her neck and lose myself in her for one forbidden moment. “Your safety…all that matters now.”

Sabelle lifts her stare to me, her blue eyes shining with love. “I overcame Rhea with my siren abilities after Mathias returned to the ring. It took a few minutes, but I coaxed her into letting me go. Bram and Tynan found us a few moments ago.”

Clever as always, my princess. I cling to the fact she is unharmed for a breath, two, as I drink in the glory of her golden face. For me, no sight will ever be so beloved as Sabelle. And she deserves far more than I can ever give her.

Staggering down to one knee, I bow my head. “I failed you. I’m sorry. He nearly took you from me. From magickind. And I let him escape to try again. To hurt others. What kind of protector does that make me?”

My vision blurs further, this time with tears. I was a fool to imagine I was good enough for her. Today merely proved I’m unworthy to be her mate.

“Failed?” She crouches beside me and wraps her soft hand around my shoulder before she lifts my gaze to hers. “Ice, no. You won! You defeated Mathias. You’re a Council member. You fought valiantly?—”

“He escaped alive. I vowed…to kill him. Didn’t succeed.

” The lawn tilts around my pitching vision.

I brace myself on the ground with one hand, fighting to stay upright.

Every wound Mathias inflicted decimates me, but that feels like nothing compared to the weight of my failure.

I cannot, will not, pass out. I will not be weak for Sabelle.

Even if I don’t deserve her, I will walk out of here on two legs, like a man. Like a warrior.

I’ll continue to endeavor until, someday, I hope to deserve her.

“What? No one expected you to kill him, just to win. And you did!” She grips my face and forces me to meet her gaze.

I drown in blue heaven and concern. But I don’t deserve that, either.

I close my eyes.

“It’s not enough.” I suck in a breath and focus so hard that my head begins to pound. But I must say this in a complete sentence, because I refuse to embarrass myself even more. “I’m not worthy of you, princess. I will love you always. Be happy. That will be enough for me.”

Dizziness and nausea assail me as I rise to my feet and stumble past her.

“Isdernus Rykard!” Sabelle shouts at my back. “What sort of nonsense are you spewing?”

The truth. She’ll see that someday.

She darts after me and grabs my arm. Clearly, that someday isn’t today.

“Ice.”

I can’t look at her. Won’t. If I do, I’ll turn weak. I’ll bury my face in her neck again, throw my arms around her, and stay there forever.

I have to do what’s right.

“No, Sabelle. Stop.”

“Stop what?” she demands.

I’ve lost all hope of a future with this failure, and I don’t deserve to even set eyes upon her, much less call her mine.

But I hear the tears in her voice. Pain shreds my heart, and I can’t look at her.

Strength, just a few minutes more. Then I can find privacy, rail at my failure, mourn her loss, and try to figure out how I’ll live without her.

“Thinking of me. Find one who is worthy of you. Who deserves you.” Again, I stride past her, walking away from the challenge ring, the Council elders, and the woman I love more than my own life.

“I found a man who deserves me, Isdernus. One with the heart of a warrior and a selfless love I’ve never known. Please.”

She’s wrong, and I can’t let myself have this false hope.

“As I become a part of you, you become a part of me,” she calls to my retreating back.

“No,” I moan. Though her words are a balm to my soul, I force myself to keep walking away and putting distance between us.

And still, she keeps saying the words I’ve longed to hear. “Each day, I will be honest, good, and true. I heed your Call. ’Tis you I seek. From this moment on, there is no other for me but?—”

“Sabelle, no!”

“I say, Rykard!” Blackbourne yells as he darts toward me. “Stop!”

I don’t answer, and I don’t pause. I merely put another foot in front of the other. The ground swimming in my vision has gone from double to triple.

When I reach the corner of the house, I manage a last glance over my shoulder.

Blackbourne frowns under heavy salt-and-pepper brows.

Bram and Tynan stand silently, as if uncertain or unwilling to interfere.

Sabelle looks at me as if I’m breaking her heart.

The fact I see her tear-stained face in triplicate only magnifies my ache.

That expression, so fraught with pain and confusion, cuts me deep.

She will move on, as she should. Must. But her anguished face will haunt me forever.

“We’re not finished,” Blackbourne shouts, bearing down on me.

I draw in a deep breath. A few more steps, then I can sit, rest, until I find the strength to teleport home. But as I plant my next footfall in the dormant grass, my knee gives out.

Suddenly, I’m tumbling. Blackness threatens to take me.

“Rykard!” the Council Chancellor snaps. “Where are you going?”

Apparently, I think as gravity and unconsciousness take me, I’m going nowhere .