Page 45 of Possess Me at Midnight (Doomsday Brethren #4)

“Which made everyone believe you were mad. Then you tried to use your connection to Bram to secure an open Council seat so you could somehow punish Mathias?”

“Yes.”

“And when he refused, you felt that he’d betrayed your friendship because he knew how important Gailene was to you?”

I clench my fists. “Yes.”

“Oh, Ice.”

She looks as if her heart breaks for me. I don’t want her goddamn pity, just her understanding for the blow I know will come next. And maybe, though I fear it will be too much to hope for, her understanding that I will never lie to her or use her.

“What did you say to your father?” she whispers.

“Nothing. I simply killed him.”

Sabelle

Suddenly, I understand with perfect clarity in that moment why everyone believes Ice insane: demanding a Council seat from Bram at the expense of their friendship, attacking Mathias in his own lair and slaughtering a hundred Anarki alone, killing his father—all by age twenty.

Put together with the fact that he’s since isolated himself, comes from a family many think beneath them, and lives in a cave, Ice makes the perfect picture of a social outcast. The Deprived’s poster boy.

His grief for Gailene is genuine. I might not know everything about the wizard, but I don’t doubt the pain stamped into his face. His clenched jaw and frozen grief say he’s just waiting for my condemnation.

I don’t want to add to Ice’s torment. But it’s impossible to discount that Ice vowed revenge against my brother…and magickind will benefit far more if I mate with another.

“Say something.”

His choked demand makes my heart clench for him. “I’m so sorry, Ice. The terrible, tragic way you lost Gailene… No brother with as much love as you clearly held for your sister should ever endure that torture.”

“Did you hear me? I killed my father. Happily. In cold blood.”

“I applaud you for it. I hope his end was prolonged and painful. It was the least he deserved.”

Ice exhales, clearly both stunned and relieved. “I could have killed him a thousand times. It still wouldn’t be punishment enough for what Gailene suffered.”

“You made your father pay, and you nearly succeeded against Mathias. Clearly, you’re quite determined. So what should I infer about my brother? Your vendetta seems like unfinished business.”

“Sabelle…” Ice shakes his head. “When I first discovered Gailene’s body, I was beyond rage and consolation.

I wanted to hurt everyone who had any hand in her death.

After killing my father, I demanded that your brother help me.

I quickly realized that he ranked her death below his ambition, and that he wasn’t going to help me avenge my sister.

I made stupid threats. He believed I’d gone mad.

We ceased speaking.” Ice shakes his head.

“Until he summoned me about forming a band of warriors designed to end Mathias, I had not spoken to him in two hundred years. He only recalls my threats. But time has helped me to see that I asked too much of Bram, particularly so early in his tenure on the Council.” Ice grabs my hands, honesty burning across his hard, square face.

“I vow to you that I would never use you to hurt your brother. Ever.”

I draw in a deep breath. Perhaps Ice is telling the truth.

His earnest expression makes me ache to believe.

But my brother has warned me a hundred times while teaching me the ways of the Council not to be swayed by my emotions.

Ice is playing on every one I possess. It’s bloody hard not to be moved.

But I must face facts. While Bram has behaved like a complete bastard since emerging from Mathias’s black spell, he was also telling the truth about his shared past with Ice. I have no way of knowing whether his determination to have revenge has truly dimmed.

That wasn’t my impression when I saw Ice and my brother argue, when I witnessed the Anarki carnage at MacKinnett’s manor.

Ice killed Mathias’s minions—and he relished it.

He even ended his own father’s life. Bram is unfinished business.

Is it possible Isdernus has been biding his time?

That he’s pulling on my heartstrings to use me?

Despite his pretty speech, that possibility casts a shadow over everything—his protectiveness, his sacrifice, even his Call to me.

I don’t believe Ice would ever kill an innocent or condone that behavior, so it seems logical that he would choose seducing and Calling to me as his means of separating me from Bram.

Logical…though my gut tells me that toying with my feelings isn’t Ice’s way.

Yet how am I to truly know? My head and heart are at war.

“Thank you for that,” I say finally, trying to pull my hands free.

Ice clutches them tighter. “Please…believe me. Don’t mate with Lucan. When I said there was no other for me but you, I meant that with my whole?—”

“That’s hardly the only consideration.” I don’t mean to snap, but the more he tries to convince me, the more my insides break.

“Whatever your motives for Calling to me, the fact is, Bram will nominate Lucan for MacKinnett’s seat, but his appointment is by no means a certainty.

Having me as his mate will secure his claim. ”

“Bloody hell,” he snarls. “You don’t love him, princess.”

He’s right, and whatever Ice may be guilty of, I’ve fallen hard and fast for the Deprived wizard who protected and touched me with tender, wild passion. If that was genuine, then I deeply regret hurting him. But only time will tell the truth about Ice’s motives.

Time is something we don’t have. And that cruel reality is tearing me apart.

“I don’t,” I confirm. “But I love magickind. I won’t see our people crushed by Mathias.”

Ice curses. “Would you choose differently if you believed me? Your brother’s words are ringing in your ears, and you think I’ve used you for some elaborate revenge. But you’re wrong. I love?—”

“It doesn’t matter!” Something inside me snaps.

If he convinces me of his love, doing what I must might well kill me.

Already, I’m struggling, knowing that I’ll spend my future with a wizard I regard as a friend, not my soul mate.

“None of it! Not what you feel, what I feel, what we might want, whether our love is real. Magickind needs me. How can I turn my back on them? Watch Mathias make a thousand Gailenes? You, of all people, should want Mathias stopped at any cost.”

“Not when it means your sacrifice, princess. You deserve happiness.”

I frown. “Everyone deserves happiness. I’m not any more special or deserving than any other witch or wizard.”

“You are.” Ice stares with solemn, burning green eyes. “You consistently put others’ needs above your own; it’s one of the things I love most about you. You’re brave and resourceful, beautiful and kind?—”

“Stop.” I can’t hear him heap praise on me if I want to maintain my resolve.

“You were a strong, steadfast brother who didn’t deserve to have his sister ripped away so young, yet that is reality.

No one is promised happiness. This is the political mating I was raised for, and I will take solace in the fact that my sacrifice will keep people alive. ”

Even after I’m mated to Lucan, I’ll cherish the memories of these few days I’ve shared with Ice, when following my heart was a beautiful dream. When I allowed myself to fall in love.

“You should take solace in that fact, too,” I murmur.

He scoffs. “Like hell. Until you speak vows with him, you’re mine . I won’t let you go without a fight. I love you. I believe you love me. That has to fucking mean something.”

My frustration coils up into a tangle of anger and tears I do my best to tamp down. “Ice, I’m not changing my mind. By tomorrow, I’ll be Lucan’s.”

“Don’t settle for a wizard who loves another when I would kill for you, die for you. Stay with me. Bind to me.” He tugs me against the solid heat of his body. “Let me spend our lives loving you.”

Ice said once that our love was futile, and at the moment, I completely agree. “We don’t have a lifetime.”

“What will it take to make you change your mind?” he demands.

“What I think doesn’t matter.”

“You’re wrong. I can’t stand you thinking the worst of me when it’s your love and respect I want most.”

Though my expression is collected if not calm, his words shatter me into a million cold, black pieces. How badly I want to believe that he loves me, to throw duty and caution to the wind, and Bind to him.

As I become a part of you, you become a part of me. I will be honest, good, and true…

I don’t dare. Ice himself gave me the tools with which to end this discussion. Now I have to be strong enough to use them.

“If my opinion matters so much, then release me to do what must be done. Let me go to Lucan. If you do, I’ll know your true feelings.

” I try to hold myself together, but the possibility that I’m throwing away my only chance with the wizard I love tears me apart.

Tears scald my eyes. “A-and I swear that, no matter how long I am mated to L-Lucan, I will love you.”