Page 15 of Playing with Forever (Players Club Sinners #1)
Chase
H oly shit. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed a scene so much.
There was a certain connection and effortless chemistry with Andrea that was rare, making it easy to just be myself with her.
To maintain all the control I needed, to be the dominant partner, and just watch her fall apart so beautifully for me.
I would have loved to stretch things out, to push her even further to test her pain threshold, but considering this was her first introduction to a flogger, my main concern was making it the best experience for her as possible.
There was plenty of time to try other things on her, and to fuck her again properly.
I released her arms and legs from the restraints, massaging them as I uncuffed each limb, then helped her out of her lingerie and used a warm washcloth from the adjoining bathroom to clean her off.
The image of her post-orgasm, her skin red from my flogger, my cum coating her stomach, was one that would stay with me for a good long while.
Andrea was pliant as I gathered her up into my arms and carried her over to the loveseat in the room.
I set her down, wrapping her in a blanket to make sure she stayed warm while I stripped out of my jeans, put on a pair of casual sweatpants, then went to the kitchen to grab a bottled water and the dessert I’d promised her: chocolate lava cake.
When I returned, I set the items down on the table next to the sofa, then picked her up and settled her on my lap. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and cuddled against my chest. I made sure she drank the water and fed her the cake, and ate a few bites myself.
Andrea hummed in pleasure, which made me smile…
something I did a lot around her, I was starting to notice.
She didn’t talk for a bit, but I didn’t mind.
A lot of submissives went nonverbal after an intense scene.
There was no awkwardness between us. In fact, being with her felt very relaxing and natural, in a way that was surprisingly effortless.
Once the cake and water were finished, I set that aside and pulled her close, idly stroking her hair, enjoying the way her body softened against mine and she sighed in contentment.
Some people seemed to think that aftercare was just for subs, as a way to ease them back into reality and reset their equilibrium after an intense scene, but with Andrea, I—shockingly—found I appreciated this quiet time just as much.
It gave me the chance to really feel how relaxed and satisfied she was, and to revel in the knowledge that I was the one responsible for her current blissed out status.
After a while, Andrea stirred against my chest and lifted her head, smiling up at me. “That was…” She searched for words and settled with, “Wow.”
I completely understood. “It’s a lot, isn’t it?”
She nodded, but then frowned up at me. “I wanted…your cock.”
I chuckled as I alternated between running my fingers through her soft, silky hair and massaging her scalp. “Greedy girl. I didn’t want to overdo things tonight.”
She bit her bottom lip, her eyes shining with a glimmer of desire. “It was definitely hot watching you jerk yourself off and come all over my stomach.”
I loved that she enjoyed the filthier aspects of sex.
“How did you get so good at this?” she asked, her finger idly tracing the line work on one of the tattoos on my chest. “I know you’re teaching me, but I’m a sub. How do you teach a dom?”
I shrugged. “Finding other more experienced doms to watch while they worked with their subs, and to practice BDSM with those doms watching and guiding.”
“What got you into the lifestyle?” she asked curiously. “I mean, for me I read romance novels and I started to just gravitate to the ones with heavy BDSM in them. Then I started seeking it out online, reading about all the different aspects of BDSM and fantasizing about what I wanted.”
My jaw clenched before I could stop the reaction.
My reasons were deep and dark and not something I’d ever shared with anyone ever before.
My gravitation toward dominant tendencies were based in a form of PTSD and that fear of losing control again, as I had in the military.
I had no desire to dredge up those unsettling memories, so I kept my explanation short and simple.
“I served in the Navy for six years. Once I was discharged I was different.” An understatement, considering how that one horrific incident in the military had changed the course of my life in ways I’d never anticipated.
“Different?” Andrea glanced up at me, tipping her head to the side. “What does that mean?”
Her expression was so open and guileless as she stared up at me, and I saw the questions there, as if she knew I wasn’t giving her the whole truth…
which clearly, I wasn’t. But how did I explain to someone so bright, so full of life, that control for me wasn’t just a preference, it was a necessity to keep the darkness at bay?
I exhaled slowly and looked away, fixing my gaze on the bed across from us, anything but her.
“It’s not something I talk about,” I said gruffly, but here I was, giving this woman more insight than I’d given any other play partner in recent years.
“Control…dominance…it’s not just something I enjoy. It’s something I need .”
She didn’t interrupt me. Didn’t prod. Just listened, quiet and still as she remained curled up in my lap like a complacent kitten.
I glanced down at her, meeting her soft, curious gaze. “When I was in the military, I lost men under my command,” I told her, the words scraping out like shards of glass. “It was supposed to be a clean, in and out op, but we were given bad intel. One wrong decision from me and…those men died.”
My heart raced at the memories, and I forced myself to keep breathing normally even though I could still see their faces in my mind. Could still hear their voices crackling through the comms…until they were abruptly cut off by gunfire and missiles detonating.
I swallowed hard and continued. “When you’re in charge, when others trust you to lead them into hell and bring them out whole, you don’t get to make mistakes. But I did, and it cost lives.”
She sucked in a startled breath. “I’m so sorry, Chase,” she whispered, her gaze holding mine, like she was seeing the pieces of me I usually kept hidden behind dominance and bondage and rules.
“When I was discharged, I wasn’t the same man,” I went on.
Now that I’d shared the worst, I wanted her to understand how it all tied into the person I was today.
“Everything felt out of control. My thoughts. My emotions. My fucking body sometimes. The only way I could breathe was by maintaining control of something , and BDSM gave me that. But it’s not just about power.
It’s about trust. Structure. Safety and rules. For my partner, yeah, but for me, too.”
She reached up and glided her fingers along my jawline, her expression filled with compassion. “But sometimes, it’s okay to lean on someone else, Chase.”
I shook my head, because that was no longer an option for me and the last thing I wanted was her to think she could change what was so irrevocably shattered.
“I don’t know how to do messy, emotional shit anymore,” I said, my voice low and gruff, a warning for her to keep her feelings out of this arrangement of ours.
“I don’t know how to let go without something unraveling.
I’m not the type of guy who does hearts and flowers and romance, Andrea.
I’ll wreck your body with precision and pleasure, but everything else inside of me is fucking broken. ”
She dropped her hand back down to my chest and splayed her palm right over my rapidly beating heart.
“You say you’re broken like it’s a permanent condition.
Like it disqualifies you from being loved.
But you still feel , don’t you? You’re still standing, still fighting to be present every day. That doesn’t sound broken to me.”
A laugh escaped me, raw and bitter. “Maybe not to you. But it feels like I’ve been holding myself together with duct tape and discipline for years.”
She gave me the sweetest smile. “Then let me help you peel off the tape. Slow. Gentle. One piece at a time.”
Fuck. She didn’t know what she was offering to a fractured man like me. Or maybe she did. And that possibility terrified me more than anything else because I refused to disappoint anyone else in my life.
I brushed the backs of my fingers along her cheek and her gaze met mine, lips parting.
Before I could think about my actions or stop myself, I tipped her head back and touched my lips to hers.
Andrea sighed into my mouth, kissing me back as our tongues touched and tangled and the connection deepened.
The kiss was tender, far more affectionate than I had ever meant it to be when I was a man who didn’t do kind and caring.
Sex I was good at. Emotional shit, not so much.
I pulled back and cleared my throat, desperate to put some kind of distance between the two of us. “How about a nice, warm shower before you head out?” I suggested.
If Andrea noticed the quick way I moved on from that intimate kiss, and our too serious conversation, she didn’t comment on it as I led her into the adjoining bathroom. Tonight had been a fantastic play session, but Andrea was nothing more than a temporary distraction.
Or so I tried to convince myself.