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I wanted to scream. I should have just told him the other night what had happened, and then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Levi: Come on, the girl I used to know would have laughed at this.

Scarlett: You are the one who said we are different people now. What if I’m not the same girl you used to know?

Levi: Well, you did fit in my arms the same way and you still kiss like the girl I used to know ;)

I stared at his message. He said nothing that wasn’t true.

Scarlett: Levi, I have something I have to tell you.

Levi: Shoot! I’m all ears….and you never know, maybe tongue ;)

Scarlett: Duncan died last year.

The moment I hit send, I felt like a huge jerk.

This wasn’t the way to tell someone something like this.

As I waited for him to respond, I sat there staring at the screen, feeling horrible.

As time passed, there was —no return message, no bouncing dots, nothing—but still I sat there staring at my screen, waiting.

I put my phone down on my desk and placed my head in my hands.

I’d always known that Levi had issues when Duncan and I had announced our engagement.

Scottie had told me that, and he’d told me then that maybe it was time I should reconsider my relationship with him instead of tying myself to a guy I wasn’t truly happy being with.

He wasn’t wrong. I’d never been happy being with Duncan, and I’d told Scottie that frequently. While both Duncan and Levi were extremely committed to their work, Levi had this way of always making time for you, no matter what the circumstances.

When I was away at school and he was on the road, I could remember calling him after a long day.

He’d be fifteen minutes from being on the ice and he’d still take the call.

It never mattered to him. With Duncan, the only time he carved out for me was right before bed, or Sunday afternoons, and if there was an emergency while he was at work, I was on my own because he was totally off-limits.

I wiped the tears that were running down my cheeks and took a deep breath.

I needed to pull myself together. I reached for a tissue when someone knocked on the door to my room.

I glanced at the clock. It was a little late for it to be anyone from the hotel, I thought to myself, and since I was not expecting anyone, I was certain someone probably had the wrong room and would go away if I was quiet.

I wiped my eyes and nose and threw the tissue in the garbage, got up, and made my way over to bed when I heard another forceful knock.

Letting out a breath, I made my way to the door and looked through the peephole.

I couldn’t see anything, which was weird.

I turned the deadbolt, keeping the sliding bolt lock on, and opened the door to see Levi standing there.

I quickly closed the door and removed the bolt lock, opening it up again.

“Levi? How did you know what room I was in?” I questioned, standing there, shocked that he’d found it.

“We know where all reporters stay,” he said, his eyes washing over my face. “Can I come in?”

Of course, he already knew where I was staying. How could I forget their PR team would have handled not only the tickets but the booking of my room. I nodded. “Of course, you’d know where I was staying.” I sniffled, averting my eyes from his.

He was looking at me. I could feel it, and I knew if I looked at him, there would be questions in his eyes that I’d have to answer.

He’d take one look at me and know I’d been crying.

He’d seen it a million times over the years.

I didn’t know what I was trying to hide from him, I just knew I didn’t want to answer his questions.

“Can I come in?” he questioned again, his voice low.

I said nothing, simply stepped to the side and waited for him to enter, then closed the door.

“What did you want?” I asked, pushing past him and sitting down on the end of the bed.

“I’d never have made those remarks had I known about Duncan. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I sniffled. “It really doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I was being a jerk.”

“It doesn’t matter, Levi, seriously. He’s gone. That part of my life is over.”

“I never thought he’d have died. I figured that things just didn’t work out between you. Regardless, I shouldn’t have been that insensitive. After all, you were in love with him.”

I stood up off the end of the bed and made my way over to the window, pulling the curtains back and looking out over the twinkling lights of the city. I could see Levi’s reflection staring at me in the window.

“It’s fine, Levi. Please. I know our relationship and engagement announcement hurt you, and I know how you protected yourself when those things happened,” I said, looking out over the city, afraid to tell him the real reason I wasn’t all that upset over his death.

I didn’t need to focus on my reflection in the window to know he was right behind me.

I could feel the heat from his body, that same familiar energy that spoke to my body in a way no one else’s ever had.

The moment he placed his hands on my arms, I crumbled.

Heavy sobs racked my body. I fell back into his warmth and allowed it to envelop me as tears poured down my face.

“Hey, I got you,” he whispered, placing a kiss on my temple. “I won’t let you go, just let it all out,” he said, as he wrapped his arms around me.

No, he had it all wrong. He thought I was crying because of Duncan.

“I can only imagine how you must feel, what you must be going through. Had I of known…well…I wouldn’t have been such an insensitive jerk.”

“It’s not Duncan.” I sniffled. “I…I don’t think I ever…”

“That you ever what?”

“I never loved him.”

There, I’d said it. The words had finally left my mouth, and the second they had I felt such a weight lift off me that I felt lightheaded.

“Sure, you did. You’re probably going through one of those grief stages you hear people talk about. They pass. It’s all part of the healing process,” he whispered.

I pulled away from him. Scottie had been right.

Sure, I grieved his loss, but I’d never truly loved Duncan, and it had taken me this long to realize it.

It was a relationship I’d entered because I was mourning the loss of Levi, and at the time, anything was better than being alone.

Scottie had told me that time and time again, told me to talk to Levi, to give myself grace, and give things time to settle, but I’d never listened.

I knew better than anyone. Instead, I dove in headfirst, never stopping for one minute to think about what I was doing, and then I woke up one morning and found myself with a ring on my finger.

“It’s not a stage of grief, Levi, at least not over the person you think it’s over.”

Levi looked at me, questions in his eyes. “Were you having an affair?” he asked. “It’s okay if you were. I’d look at you no different.”

“I wasn’t having an affair, at least not one of the physical kind,” I muttered.

“Oh, I get it, an emotional one. Those happen, and again, I don’t look at you any different.”

“It wasn’t physical or emotional.” I sighed, feeling frustrated.

“Okay then, you’re going to have to spell it out to me because I’m lost.”

“I was never in love with Duncan, Levi. I was never in love with him because I was still in love with you.”

There, I’d said it. The words had flown out of my mouth before I could stop them. Levi stared at me. I could tell he didn’t know what to say. After all these years, the truth finally came out.

Levi chuckled. Why he was laughing was beyond me because there was nothing funny about this situation at all.

“What’s so funny?”

“Come on, Scarlett. You’re fucking with me.”

“Does it look like I’m fucking with you? I never got over you. Leaving was a mistake, Levi. I ran because I was scared. Ask Scottie if you don’t believe me. He’ll tell you.”

Levi stood there looking at me, shock all over his face. I wanted him to say something, anything but he just stood there looking at me. Without a word, he turned, made his way to the door, and left the room. I waited there, waiting for him to knock, to come back, but there was nothing, he was gone.