Page 53 of Playing Dirty (Leighton U #4)

Now that we’re off the field, Phoenix’s words come rushing back, invading my psyche while I shower and change. They play on a loop in my brain, dragging me through an endless cycle of possible meanings behind his cryptic words.

The walkie part is obvious; he knows we’ve been listening in on their raids. And while I’m annoyed he knows—and that the reason he probably does is because of Theo—it’s not the part I’m hung up on.

At least I’m not a pawn in somebody else’s.

For the life of me, I can’t decode the comment, and I’m still trying when I head out to the player’s lot to go home.

Theo’s waiting for me, his Bronco parked directly beside my car. Even with the massive smile spreading across his face when he sees me approaching, the knot still lingering in my stomach tightens.

“Took you long enough. I thought you fell asleep in the shower or something,” he jabs playfully.

He pushes off my vehicle as I toss my duffle in the trunk, and I shoot him a glance from the corner of my eye. “Shouldn’t you be back at your own turf by now anyway? ”

“I wanted to congratulate you personally on a game well played.”

Coming around behind me, he rests his hands on my biceps and leans in to press a kiss to that sensitive spot below my ear. It’s a sensation I’d normally melt under, but instead, I find myself slamming the trunk in irritation.

“Apparently it’s not the only game happening right now,” I mutter dryly.

His touch goes stiff on my arms before he releases me entirely. When I turn around to face him, his head is cocked to the side, and his confusion shifts into concern when I take a step back to lean against my trunk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You tell me, Theo,” I reply, gesturing toward him with one hand. “Feel free to explain why Phoenix knows we’ve been listening in on your raids while you’re at it.”

Realization crosses his features, and regret softens his eyes. It’s all the confirmation I need to know that at least part of my suspicion is right: He broke the promise we made to each other last month.

“Mads…”

He takes a step forward, reaching out for me, but I quickly pull away. I can’t let him touch me. Not until I have some answers.

“No,” I murmur, shaking my head. “We said no more Penny Play. That day you found the walkie, we agreed to it. So explain to me how anyone could know other than you.”

He glances around the now-empty parking lot before his gaze returns to me, and he swallows roughly. I can tell he doesn’t want to answer me; the horror and fear in those light-green eyes speaks louder than any words ever could.

And it fucking terrifies me.

What did you do, baby?

“You were caught sneaking out. The morning when we overslept.” The words come out raspy and laced with sorrow, and he shakes his head.

“Hayes ratted you out when he came up to the house, and after Phoenix dealt with him, he had questions. I had to tell him something, so I…told him I’d been getting close to you to get intel on the pennant. And I used the walkie as proof.”

My brows clash together, not completely following the logic. “What? Why would he believe that?”

As far as I was aware, Phoenix and the rest of Theo’s roommates were under the impression we hate each other. Which, a few months ago, would’ve been somewhat close to accurate.

Theo’s fingers run through his hair before he tosses his hand out in front of him, utterly helpless when he says, “Because it was his idea to begin with since I wouldn’t—”

He stops himself, cuts the words off as his eyes widen. And if I thought I was worried before, it has nothing on the way my heart just sank into my gut.

“Wouldn’t what?”

“Fuck, baby,” he whispers, his eyes pleading almost as much as his words. “Please don’t freak out.”

“Wouldn’t what, Theo?” I ask again, a bit more forcefully this time.

His eyes sink closed and his hands lace together behind his head. He’s the definition of Atlas right now, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with that single question. Because he is, and that’s likely the reason he can’t look at me when the words finally leave his lips.

“Since I wouldn’t seduce you.”

It takes me a minute to process the words, let alone their implications.

And then the world he was just holding up comes crashing down around me .

It’s a good thing I’m leaning against my car, otherwise my knees might’ve given out, the heaviness of this revelation being too much to bear with all the emotions slamming into me.

One after another, they drag me under, none of them sticking for more than a moment before the next threatens to drown me all over again.

In the end, devastation wins out, and as I look at him—at this man that I…fucking love—I’ve never been more angry.

“Seems like you did a pretty bang-up job of it anyway. You know, since I just played an entire fucking baseball game with your cum inside me.”

He winces but shakes his head. Over and over again as he steps toward me, not stopping until he’s only a hair’s breadth away. “Madden, it’s not true.”

In my heart, I know he’s being honest.

He fought this attraction at every turn, and much harder than I ever did. If he’s lying—if he agreed to their seduction tactic—he would’ve dove into this thing with me headfirst. He’d want to get in, get the intel, and duck out before I was any the wiser. Not stall things or drag it out.

But even if the intention wasn’t there…it still happened anyway. The end result is still the same. We still slept together. He still got intel and brought it back to his team—albeit not the kind they were hoping for.

And I’m still left here feeling like…collateral damage.

My face tips back toward the sky, and I close my eyes in an attempt to gather my thoughts, but they’re still spinning at a thousand miles an hour.

“You realize how bad this looks, right?” I finally whisper, still facing the stars.

“Yeah, it looks fucking terrible. But that’s not what happened, okay? Not even close.”

His feet scuff against the asphalt as he shifts his weight, and I feel his hands wrapping around either side of my neck. It takes every piece of grit and determination I have left not to lean into his touch. To sink in the familiarity and safety of his skin against mine.

And when his thumbs start skating gently over my jaw, I almost lose the battle.

“Madden. Please look at me,” he pleads, his voice cracking with emotion.

Tension lines my jaw, and when my gaze returns to him, I find a layer of unshed tears gathering in his eyes, welling along the rim and threatening to spill over. And if I didn’t already feel shattered by this revelation, I definitely would from looking at him.

“I tried so fucking hard not to want you, you know that? But I wasn’t strong enough to resist—I’m still not strong enough—and it’s got nothing to do with the Penny Play.

It’s you. I wanted you in the hot tub, that day on your porch, and every moment since.

” His fingers tighten fractionally against the base of my skull while his head shakes ever so slightly.

“Christ, Madden. I want you to the end of my sanity. I want you for every reason I shouldn’t. You have to believe that.”

There’s no doubt in my mind that he feels something for me—that he wants me the same way I want him.

I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me; feel it in his touch and hear it in his voice whenever we’re together.

It’s not something that can be faked or imitated, and it’s why I know this is real.

But it’s also why it hurts so damn bad.

“I believe you. I just…” I trail off, searching for the words to convey what I’m feeling—the hurt, the anger, the betrayal—only to come up short.

“I know. I know, and I’m sorry.” He grimaces slightly when the words leave his mouth, but he keeps his gaze locked on mine. “I wouldn’t have told them anything if I had another option.”

The honesty behind his words shines in his eyes like a beacon in the night, and I find myself nodding a few times before dropping my forehead to his.

“I know, baby. I know.”

Then I kiss him in the hopes that his lips on mine can somehow take us back in time. To any point before tonight—before doubt could creep into my mind. To a moment when lies and deception didn’t tarnish something so pure and vulnerable.

Because the thing is, he did have another option: the truth. He just doesn’t see it as one.

And part of me wonders if he ever will.