Page 25 of Play Dirty (Villalargos University #1)

Chapter Nineteen

Shiloh

I sit in the back of Dr. Hellen’s lecture hall. It’s odd being in this classroom now that Xavier has been replaced. Something about having to tend to an emergency. Still, something doesn’t feel right. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of the game while someone else moves the pieces.

Like a pawn.

Tracing the curve of my coffee cup, I try to listen to her words; at this point, I’m mostly pretending. Dr. Hellen clears her throat as she adjusts her red color glasses; chestnut curls frame her face.

“Renaissance,” she continues, “Comes from the Latin word- renasci.” She stops, folding her hands together in front of her. “Does anyone know what it means?”

Hands raised to the air, eager to respond, yet it’s my name she calls. “Ms. Johnson.”

Snapping me out of my ruminating thoughts. “It means to be reborn.”

She smiles, her red-stained lips expose her braces.. “Reborn, the time of Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and Machiavelli. A true rebirth, after the plague and ignorance. This paper will focus on the time period, providing a detailed analysis.”

Groans fill the classroom, while my gaze focuses on the empty seat where June would have been. Grief has a funny way of showing up in the most mundane things. I could be eating a cup of ramen, only to be reminded that she’s no longer here.

Sitting here only makes me think of my deepest wounds— the ones that are still open, jagged, and bleeding. My smartwatch beeps, I look down at the text, tuning out whatever else Dr. Hellen is saying.

Tatiana

I know a way into the club, wanna play undercover?

A sly smile curls at the corner of my lips as my manicured fingers move to type.

??

A quick emoji does the trick and her replies come fast in the form of a flower.

Tatiana

??

A petal.

It makes sense; they would need to be initiated, and the hunt is the way.

We would already be there giving speeches of honor.

Lying to their faces, as if what we are doing isn’t selling them to the highest bidder.

However, it could work; we would blend in amongst the petals and find a way directly into Velarium.

Despite my forced meetings with Xavier, I wasn’t sober enough to ever see what really happens behind those red doors.

Or why the masks, the beds— my stomach clenches as I think of what really happens. I’m not stupid.

I just don’t think I’m ready for the truth. As fucked up as it sounds, some things are better left alone. Everyone has a role to play, something to bleed for. You don’t come into power by playing games or without making any sacrifices.

Yet, I ca n’t stop thinking of June. What was she looking into? Why Velarium? We all knew it existed. The club is for the men to relax. Talk business, enjoy the privacy of Villalargos estate. After all, this is what they pay for…. Secrecy.

I spend the entirety of the class inside my head… Dr. Hellen is the one to pull me out. “Ms. Johnson, are you okay?”

Blinking, I look up at my professor, who looks at me with concern. With a smile, I reply. “Of course, just a little sad being here without June.”

It’s the truth.

But also a lie.

I’ve gotten good at that.

Lying.

Thankfully, all she does is smile before walking away, and I exit the class.

Heading back to the safety of my dorm, I spot June’s old friends lingering outside the drama club.

Michaela sits on the grass, her eyes find mine.

Her expression changes, disgust written all over it.

My stomach sinks further into my ass. Of course, everyone now thinks I’m fucking my best friend's boyfriend.

I hear the whispers in the bathrooms when I walk in.

‘She didn’t even wait for her to be dead long enough to fuck him.’

‘I knew it all along.’

They all gossip amongst themselves, yet no one ever has the courage to say it to my face.

They never will, after all, I am the Ice Queen.

And as much as I wanted to clear my name, it wasn’t worth the trouble.

It’s not like June’s alive to see this. None of their opinions matters to me in the grand scheme of things.

We continue to stare at each other for a moment longer, and a gust of wind passes between us, lifting the orange and red leaves into the air.

She finally breaks eye contact.

And with that, I continue on my way.

Once I'm in the comfort of my dorm, I pull out June’s things and find something else. A name scribbled on a torn piece of notebook paper.

‘Fernanda .’

Who is this?

I reach for her diary, opening it to the next entry. My heart tugs when I notice the wet spot that has now dried up, smudging the ink, making some parts unreadable. All I can make out is Nico’s name. And something along the lines of her feeling unworthy, then there’s something else.

A secret.

What did she overhear?

I flip the page to another entry, but it’s just a sketch of hands holding.

Closing the journal, I look at the empty bed across the room.

“What was going on with you?” I whisper, wishing she were here to talk to me.

Closing my eyes, I let myself fall onto my back.

My mind is searching for anything. Any clues?

Yet it’s the mundane that I cling to .

“June?” I walk into the dark dorm, and small sniffles come from the bed. “Juney?”

She doesn’t stir, just brings the blanket above her head, pretending to be sleeping. I move towards her, pulling the blanket just enough to slide in and cuddle in bed with her. Maybe she didn’t want to talk, but I know she’s awake and definitely crying. “Whenever you want to talk, I’m here.”

The burn of my eyes forces me to rub the tears from them.

I place the palms of my hands into my eyes, letting out a deep groan, my brain struggles to piece together whatever the fuck was happening to June.

After moping for a bit, I shower and order something to eat while I wait for Tatiana to arrive.

I plop back into my bed, tucking my arms beneath my pillow.

I am lying in the dark when my phone goes off beside me, the screen illuminating the dim space.

My stomach flutters as I grab it, surprised to find a picture of Tatiana facing off against Nico.

Their bodies stiff, Nico’s facial muscles are tight as he takes all the blows I’m sure she’s delivering.

Tatiana's long, tight curls hang down to her waist, the front pushed back by a wide black headband.

“Ughhhh h.” I groan into the pillow as I smash my head into it. Hoping to possibly deprive myself of oxygen so I can no longer breathe. When there’s a knock at the door, “Who is it?”

Nothing.

Only anot her soft knock.

I use my elbows to prop my body up and look at the door handle as it tries to turn. “Who is it?” I ask again. Still, no words, just the insistent jiggle of the door, “Tati?”

Slowly, I get out of bed and walk towards the door, trying not to freak the fuck out when something crashes, then there's a scuffle, like someone falling amongst the small garden June had set up.

My heart beats frantically inside my chest as my hand slowly moves to the handle, and then I push the door open.

And I scream.

“Fuck, Shi,” Tatiana groans, “too loud.”

“What the fuck? Was that you?”

She narrows her eyes, and her eyebrows come together. “Was what me?”

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself. Clearly, I’m losing my mind. But when she steps inside, my eyes zero in on the footprints left over a mound of dirt, before I notice the disturbance.

“What the fuck?”

I move towards the small patch of grass, June’s fairy houses are destroyed– stomped into nothing. Bending down, I pick up the small, shattered pieces, and tears prick the corner of my eyes. Why would anyone do this?

“Shi,” Tati mutters from behind, “Look up.”

Slowly, I look up at the grey painted bricks and read the spray-painted words on the wall.

‘Dead girls don’t talk.’

My eyes instantly blur; the only thing I can fucking think of is calling Asher or my dad. “What’s going on?”

Tati steps forward, already on the phone calling security.

. “I don’t know, but I don’t like it.” With that, she steps to the side, and I hear her demand that security come and figure out what happened.

I focus on the crushed pieces of wood that were hand-painted by June, one of the only pieces of her art left with me.

I bite back the urge to weep, marching inside, I let out a scream.

It’s all too much..

I let it all out before walking towards my phone to call Asher.

“Hi, this is Asher. You know the drill.” His voicemail. I try to call dad, but he doesn’t answer either. From inside, I can hear Tatiana talking to the security guard who happened to stroll by, and then I hear Brad.

Wait, Brad.

Walking towards the door, I catch him hiding his hands in his pockets. Green eyes darting between Tati and the guard, Mr. Jaime. “I saw a girl with long black hair. That weird girl, Michaela.”

Michaela .

“She wouldn’t do this,” I say, pointing at the glaring red letters. He just whistles. “How about Nico? Your friend told him off today.”

I look over at Tati, who gives me that, it could possibly be look, but no. There’s no way. I look at June’s fairy garden and my eyes blur again. Not from tears this time but from the memories that've been threatening to claw their way to the surface since I stepped outside.

June giggles from outside. It’s almost summertime, and I’m not sure why she’s bothering with the garden. “Stop it.” She whispers and breaks out in a giggle, that sick, infectious feeling creeps up my spine and takes hold in my heart.

She laughs as she shoves him, and he catches her wrist. Not hard. Not cruel. Just enough to make her smile wider. Enough to make me sick.

I hated how I felt, watching her with him so carefree and loved, while I chased an illusion.

Mine.

He was supposed to be mine.

Shame and guilt wash over me like a rogue wave swallowing me whole and spitting me back out.

“Shiloh .” Tati's irritated voice snaps me out of the memory, but the feeling remains. That eerie, ill feeling has made a permanent home within me. “We have to start getting ready.”

I nod, waiting for the security guard to finish taking pictures and taking our statements.

As always, Tati is ahead of the game; our dresses are ordered and waiting.

As crowned, we are expected to go into the sorority house and give our pep talk.

The anticipation has my body humming with energy and adrenaline. “Are you ready for tonight?”

“Do you think we can pull it off?”

Tatiana shrugs before looping her arm into mine. “I think, in the dark, anything can happen.”

That’s true, the hunt is outside in the woods behind the club, ocean breeze coming from the other side. Masked, in the dark with nothing but trees to shield us from the ones who chase. My stomach flutters, my heart rate spiking at the intrusive thought that comes to mind.

Nico is chasing me…

Would he?

It’s funny how today we talked about rebirth in class…

because right now, I feel like I'm being buried alive. I don’t think I’ve been living since the day I found June lying dead.

Shaking off the thought, I continue to walk to the sorority house where we will get ready and sell our lies to the eager petals waiting to be devoured.