Page 30

Stevie

My nightmares returned with a vengeance ever since Marty got the call about Brenna’s request for a restraining order. I’m both heartbroken and mortified, regretting so many of my life choices. I’ve spoken to my therapist three times in the last week, and last night I slept at Chey and Ivan’s because I didn’t want to wake Marty with yet another nightmare. Instead, tonight I cried out so loudly it woke Chey.

Now she’s sitting on the edge of my bed worriedly.

“I thought Marty said he was taking care of the TRO thing?” she asks softly.

“He did. He is. But…” I hug my knees to my chest. “I don’t know what to do, Chey. I don’t want to be the reason he loses custody of his kids. That’s the most important thing in the world to him.”

“I don’t think it is,” she says quietly. “I think you are. I mean, you’re not more important than his kids, but I think he’s crazy about you and isn’t going to choose one over the other. I think he loves you both equally and is doing his best to figure things out.”

“But if he loses custody it’ll be too late, and no matter how much he loves me—and we haven’t used those words yet—he’ll always resent me for it. I can’t give him more kids so losing the ones he has would be devastating.”

“He won’t. He has a great attorney, and the law is on his side. You don’t have a history of abuse, there are no incidents with his kids for her to use as examples… it’s going to be okay.”

“I think I should break up with him,” I blurt.

Her eyes widen. “Why on earth would do you that?”

“Because if we wait until after the custody hearing, it’ll be too late.”

“There are no guarantees even if you’re not in his life,” she reminds me gently. “Judges don’t often rule against the mom for no reason. I honestly don’t think he has a great chance of getting full custody.”

And that’s what worries me. He doesn’t need anything else to go against him.

Old Stevie would have focused on my own needs, and the fact that I’ve fallen in love with an amazing guy, but new and improved Stevie wants to be different. Better. And the kids need their dad. Brenna seems awful. She’s never hurt them or neglected them to my knowledge but it’s obvious she has other priorities now. If I was braver, stronger—with less baggage—I would approach her with a check.

A payout to make her leave us alone forever.

But she could use that against me. Or him.

On top of that, Marty probably wouldn’t like it.

I don’t know if it would somehow emasculate him.

He has money but not as much as I do. He’s overextended on his house, and he goes overboard sending money for the kids because he wants to make sure they have everything they need. Not to mention giving Brenna money.

He’s by no stretch of the imagination poor, but coming up with a seven-figure payout for Brenna would probably be tough for him.

Not for me, though.

I just don’t know how to approach that subject. Or if I even should.

“You want me to lie down with you?” Chey asks softly. “I’m really tired so I need to get some more sleep, but I know you don’t want to be alone after a nightmare.”

She’s truly the best friend a girl could ever ask for, and I reach out and hug her.

“Thank you. But it’s almost five. You go back to your husband. I’m going to walk on the treadmill for a while and then maybe go have breakfast with Marty.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “I’m sure.”

“Okay.” She hugs me and then softly pads out of the room.

I’m so tired of the nightmares. The bad memories. The drama of my life.

I’ve been getting past it, but after the TRO thing, they’ve hit me hard this week. Almost as hard as in the beginning, right after the incident. I know it’s nerves, anxiety, stress—whatever you want to call it—but therapy and meditation and exercise aren’t helping. I don’t know that anything will.

For the first time, I’ve found someone who’s more important than anything else. Whose life and well-being take precedence over mine.

It’s a weird feeling but it’s the right thing to do.

I just have to think about what to do going forward.

Marty is the best thing to ever happen to me but I don’t want to be with him if I can’t be the same for him. It’s not fair, and for the first time, I don’t want to be selfish. Brenna always put herself first, and I refuse to do that to him.

He deserves better.

* * *

We meet with Marty’s lawyer that week, and I spend a few hours defending myself and every bad thing I’ve ever done. Marty is as loving and supportive as ever, but it still leaves me feeling emotionally fragile. Weak. Like I’m going backward in my recovery. I know Marty feels bad—he says it at least a dozen times—but I hate being in this position almost as much as I hate putting him in the position of having to fight an extra battle to do with his kids.

He misses them so much, I know he’s struggling.

Hockey season is about to start too, so this is the last thing he needs.

“Thank you for coming in today, Ms. Marchand,” Luke says to me as we finish up. “You’ve cleared up a lot of misconceptions, so I think this will be a non-issue when we talk to the judge tomorrow.”

I nod. “Of course. Whatever you need from me to make this go away.”

“I’ll do my best.” He rummages through some papers. “My last question for you is your relationship with Cassius Robertson.”

I blink. “I have no idea who that is.”

He frowns. “This is a picture of you with him.” He holds up the photo of me with L’il Barracuda that night in New York.

“Oh. You mean L’il Barracuda. I forgot his real name is Cassius.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Knock it off, Luke.” Marty’s voice is quiet but I can tell he’s annoyed.

“These are questions the judge and Brenna’s lawyer are going to ask.”

“What on earth does he have to do with anything?” Marty asks, irritation written all over his face.

“The fact that she hangs out with a known felon.”

“A felon?” I stare in disbelief. “What did he do? I didn’t know anything about that—and I don’t hang out with him. It was just the one time. He was eating at a restaurant where I was and invited my friend and I to eat with him.”

“Nonetheless.” He looks down at his notepad. “Gang affiliation before he found success as a rapper. Gun charges in New York and L.A.”

I blow out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know anything about that. We’ve been in the same room together literally a handful of times. Ever. Once when I met him, filming a music video, and then that night at dinner. I haven’t talked to him since.”

“I see.”

It doesn’t sound like he sees anything.

“Stevie isn’t on trial,” Marty says flatly.

“No, but it will feel like it if Brenna pursues this.”

“Then I want to file a corresponding restraining order on Phil,” Marty says bluntly.

Luke sighs.

“I think this will just seem retaliatory to the judge.”

“It is.” Marty leans forward. “We talked about this the other day. Make it go away or I’m happy to make her life as miserable as she’s making mine. I’m also willing to find an attorney who wants to get down and dirty in the trenches.”

“Look, I know you feel strongly about this but I told you from the beginning that judges aren’t likely to take custody away from the mother. Now that you’ve added a problematic girlfriend to the mix?—”

“Did you just call Stevie problematic?” Marty is already on his feet. “Come on, babe, we’re done.”

“Marty, maybe he’s right,” I whisper. “Maybe we should listen to him.”

“Brenna cheated, left me, and took my kids to the other side of the country,” he says, his eyes dark. “She doesn’t get to now tell me who I can and cannot spend time with. Luke, the ball is in your court.”

“Okay, everyone calm down.” Luke stands up and comes out from behind his desk. He puts a placating hand on Marty’s shoulder. “I’ve got this. But you just have to be prepared. The judge we’ve been assigned is a woman and a ballbuster. She gives custody to the mother eighty-five percent of the time. This TRO isn’t going to help.”

“Then make sure she doesn’t get it!” Marty says, throwing up his hands. “Why is this so difficult for you?”

“It’s not. I just think we’re spittin’ in the wind with this judge.”

“And you didn’t think to mention that until now?”

“You weren’t dating a supermodel with a troubled past before now.”

“You’re fired,” Marty says without hesitation.

God, I love this man.

“The hearing is tomorrow,” Luke protests. “Listen to me—I’m just trying to warn you.”

“And I just fired you.” Marty takes my hand and practically yanks my arm out of the socket as he pulls me from the room.

I want to die from embarrassment.

You weren’t dating a supermodel with a troubled past before now.

I love that he wants to protect me, but someone has to protect him from himself.

I can’t do this to him.

I just can’t.

And if I’m honest, I can’t do it to myself either.

As much as I love him, I can’t let him drag me back to the dark place I was in a year ago.

I’ve worked too hard and come too far.

For both our sakes, I have to set him free.