Page 6

ISABELLA

o one said a word since the encounter with the witches. It is late, and we are settled in a hotel room. The memories came back, and I didn’t know what to do with them. It was so sudden and so quick that I spilled everything to Jacob, and now I regret it. I didn’t want him to know such disgusting parts of me.

As I stare at the brown wall in front of me, I push away the gnawing feeling in my chest. A whole year has gone by, but it feels like it happened yesterday. Curled up, I try to make myself as small as possible to hide how filthy I am.

Jacob usually keeps close with friendly banter, but right now, he is sitting on the other side of the room. Before he knew about my past, he slept on the same bed and held me, but now, he wants nothing to do with me.

Used and dirty . That’s why. Swallowing the pain of his rejection, I bite my cheeks to stop the tears, allowing the sting of my teeth to distract me. It helps, but only a little.

Soft footsteps get my attention. He kneels next to me, his arms resting on the bed and his chin on his forearms. I stare at him. He said tomorrow evening, I will be on a ship. I should be glad, but my heart aches. I don’t want to leave him.

“I don’t know how to help you, and that scares me,” he whispers, his eyes searching for something in mine. “I want to hold you until it all goes away, but I am afraid of hurting you.”

He wants to hold me. My heart jumps and soars. He doesn’t find me dirty . With relief washing over me, I scramble off the bed, jump on him, and throw my arms around his neck. He tumbles back a little but keeps me steady and close. Shamelessly, I straddle him when he leans against the wall and rest my head on his chest. With his arms around my waist, warmth surrounds me like a healing salve.

My heart hammering in my ribcage from the bold move, but I don’t let go. If he wants me close, I will accept his affection.

“I’m not broken,” I tell him, keeping my arms around his neck.

Broken things are thrown away.

“I know you are not, baby.” His voice is soft as he rubs circles on my lower back.

“It just feels…” Painful having been used like that . But I can’t get those words out. “I don’t want…” To be defined by what happened to me. I sigh. “I’m scared that…” You will not want me because of my past.

I want to tell him how I feel, but the words are stuck in my throat.

“You don’t have to explain.” He rests his chin on the top of my head. “This is just a thought, but I have a friend at King Adrian’s castle, Rosie. I have to go that way anyway, and if you want, you can stay there. You will be safe,” he says calmly, his motion on my back never wavering. “They will take you in.” He chuckles.

I inhale at this offer. Does it mean that he wants me to go with him? Anxiously, I pinch the inside of my cheek between my teeth. If I veer away from my plan, he could abandon me, and then all of my efforts would be for nothing.

King Adrian is a man to fear. The vampires know him very well; he is the second in hand to Lucifer, but everyone calls him the dark one. He recently got married. Rumor has it his wife is Lucifer’s daughter. I would be safe there if I were welcome.

“That is a different country, and vampires are not welcome there.” I look up at him.

“Rosie, the queen, and I grew up together. If I ask her, she will say yes. I promise.” He smiles at me.

I shuffle a little and pull away. Jacob is powerful and has influential friends, yet he is here, taking care of me.

“You are close with the king?” I look up at him, curiosity growing.

“No.” He laughs, his chest rumbling. “I’m close with Rosie. Adian is just a love-sick fool who would do anything for her, and Rosie will insist on helping you. Trust me, she is one of the kindest people I know.”

There is so much tenderness in his voice when he speaks about her that jealousy pings in my chest . She is his childhood friend , I scold myself. Plus, I have no right to claim him as mine.

“Do you want me to go with you?” I ask and peer at him from under my lashes.

“I hope you do,” he breathes out, and the hold around my waist gets a little tighter.

The action is so subtle that I don’t think he even notices that he did it. My heart flutters at the gesture. To hide a smile from stretching, I bite my lower lip, but his eyes drop and linger on my lips. The rubbing on my lower back stops, and his chest rises heavier than before.

Does he want to kiss me? The insane thought sends a flush of warmth through me. What if I kiss him?

“Can I kiss you?” I blurt out and immediately feel embarrassed about it.

Who says something like this?

“Izzy.” He places a palm on my cheek. Our eyes meet and I get lost in the care in them. “Whenever you want, but I don’t have any expectations of you. There is no pressure to do anything you don’t want.”

He worries he will break me and become the reason why I hurt more, but I need him to feel alive. He makes me feel as if there is more to life than just running from monsters.

Whenever you want .

“You need time to h—” he keeps going, but I lean in and press my lips against his.

The air is sucked out of me at the soft touch. My body feels weightless, and everything vanishes. I think my heart stopped beating as well. He doesn’t move or react, letting me take charge.

I am in control . Something in my chest cracks, and I feel like I am whole. Craving more, I kiss him a little harder, letting my lips play with his.

A quiet growl leaves his throat. His hand on my hips moves me closer, and he leans in, separating my lips with his. There is so much beauty in such a small touch that it is overwhelming. I pull away, gasping for air with myeyes wide.

I kissed a boy before. Mark. We were sixteen. I knew what he wanted. It was the same with all the boys at the court; it was a game of who could bed the princess. I never fell for their tricks, but I was also curious. I used him the way he used me. It was bland, boring, empty. This is anything but that. Jacob is fire, air, and water.

“I—” I am still trying to catch my breath. There is worry in his eyes as he stares at me, waiting for me to say something. “Stop looking at me like I will break any minute,” I pout and thin my lips.

“Izzy.” He takes my face in both of his hands and forces me to look directly at him, his face suddenly serious. “Do you understand how terrifying it was to watch you cry, sob, and vomit out of fear? Do you understand that I would do everything in my power to see you smiling?” His gaze is intense, but all I feel is care.

My shoulders slump. We have known each other for a week, and he worries about me so much. I shouldn’t be upset about that.

“It was a nice kiss,” I mumble, heat creeping down my cheeks.

It was the best kiss of my life.

“Just nice?” He chuckles, leaning his head back.

“Very nice.” I watch him simply exist.

Every part of me feels calm and at peace around him. I do need time to heal, but at least he is not tossing me away like used trash.

Not yet, at least . The thought lingers at the back of my mind.

We are walking through the forest again and will be for the next three days. I like the woods – it is peaceful and serene. Now that we are going to King Adrian’s and Queen Rosie’s castle, we are due to arrive in two weeks. The idea of a safe place is comforting, but I worry I will be tossed out. Still, the chance of having protection against my father is worth this risk.

I’m not sure how, but in the two days we have traveled, Jacob managed to find multiple people who know vampire hunters. He needs them for maps and to learn the whereabouts of other hunters to find his mother. Being a vampire myself, those people make me feel uneasy. Every time he chatted with them, I was a few feet away; just in case they sensed me and refused to talk to him.

I want to ask more about his mother, but it feels wrong. He has been honest and transparent with me, but I have been struggling to tell him about the other dark part of myself. My father says that it’s what makes me so fascinating, but vampire hunters would be disgusted.

Sighing, I skip over a small creek. Red poppies catch my attention. Papaver somniferum . Useless information, but it feels good knowing it. They are beautiful and silky with the contrast of black in the middle. My legs keep moving, but my eyes stay glued to the flower.

My foot hits something hard, causing me to lose balance. My arms go out to grab onto something, but the nearest tree is a few feet away. I brace myself to hit the hard surface by shutting my eyes tight. Strong arms go around my waist, holding me steady.

“If you don’t look where you are going, you will end up hurting yourself,” Jacob whispers into my ear, and I melt into his body.

I have lost count of how many times he caught me from tumbling down. I can’t help it, I am easily distracted.

“What if I like it when you catch me?” My lips stretch wide at his proximity, and I turn to look at him.

Chuckling, he keeps his hand on my waist. I like it when he holds me so close. It feels safe and comfortable. Guilt settles in my chest. I have to tell him about the other part of me. He didn’t ask, so maybe it is reasonable that I avoid the subject. Deep down, I know the right thing to do is to tell the truth.

“I have to share something,” I start, and look down between us. “Well, I don’t have to, but I feel like it is important.” I swallow a lump. “I mean… maybe it isn’t that important.”

“What is it?” He takes my cheek into his hand and lifts my face.

Gazing into his soft, green eyes, I push away the voices telling me he will find me disgusting.

“My mother was an angel,” I blurt out, and stop breathing.

Angels are holy and considered saints. Vampires are detested by many and are considered evil. The people who knew of my mother always gave me sly side glances – as if I was not worthy of being her daughter.

“Oh.” His head jerks back a little. “How?” he asks with his brows brought together.

“Well… sex,” I tell him and blink. “That is how babies are made.”

He laughs and says, “Thank you for that educational information. How did your father manage to get an angel to have sex with him?” he asks with an amused smile.

My cheeks go hot. Of course, that’s what he meant. To hide how silly I feel, I look down again.

“I don’t know. From what I heard, she loved him at one point. She vanished after I was born,” I tell him, and find a yellow evening primrose to stare at. Oenothera Lamarckiana.

Sometimes, I wonder what happened to her. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. She is gone. Unlike Jacob, I don’t have the courage to look for her – I am too afraid of the truth.

“Is this why you don’t have any control over any of your abilities? Vampire or angel,” he asks, moving my face to look at him again.

It is embarrassing to admit, but yes, I do not know how to control my vampire abilities – speed, exceptional hearing, strength, or the ability to stay warm. The angel part of me, I know nothing about at all. I hoped that he would not notice that, but it seems like it is obvious.

“Um…” I feel weak admitting I am not as powerful as I should be. “Maybe.” I shrug and try to dismiss the uncomfortable feeling. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine with it.”

Over the years, I have learned to accept that I couldn’t get a grasp on my abilities. Now, standing in front of someone as powerful as him, I feel like I could’ve tried harder. There was no one to help me at the castle, but I could’ve prodded the guards or the council a little or read more.

“Izzy, it matters if it is important to you, and it seems like it is,” he says, his tone soft. “I know a watching angel. I’ll see how hard it is to get ahold of him once we get to the castle. He can help you with the angel side of things.” He sighs and presses a kiss on my forehead.

“You know an angel? Who do you not know?” I frown at him.

Then again, I watched him sweet-talk a few vampire hunters into giving him the maps that he needed. The man knows how to make friends, that’s for sure.

“I’m charming.” He winks.

That is true. I cannot argue with that.

“Why do you want to find your mother so much?” I find the courage to ask as we walk along a thin, overgrown path.

He exhales sharply, and I immediately regret asking.

“Being a halfling comes at a cost,” he starts, his gaze focused on the trees ahead of us. “My father kept a lot to himself, but there are certain things about my power that I believe are hurting me. No one knows what it is. My mother might have something for me.”

“How is your power hurting you?” My forehead scrunches as I look up at him.

“The headaches.” He tilts his head down. “I think that it’s just the start of it.” One side of his lips curves up weakly.

My insides squeeze and twist. How can he be so calm about something like this? If it is just the start then it will only get worse. Pinching my fingers together, I dig my nails into the skin, creating a small sting.

This is serious. I may be ignorant to my own power, but I know that sometimes certain powers can cause damage to the being. Everyone is different. That is why it’s important to know everything about the source of strength. His mother would know where she originated and what type of demon she is, giving Jacob a chance to find a way of stopping his pain – and potential death.

A very powerful witch could help, but those are hard to come around. On top of that, they are selfish and cannot be trusted.

Unsure what else to do, I step in front of him. Slamming my body into his, I wrap my arms around his torso and squeeze him tight.

“I’m okay,” he whispers, his arms around me.

“I know.”

If I could give him answers or take away his pain, I would. The least I can do is offer him my arms, the way he has done for me so many times.