Page 17

ISABELLA

s I lay next to Jacob, there is a weight on my chest that will not let me breathe. It’s a familiar one where evil monsters come after me. They are right there, just around the corner, ready to attack as soon as I close my eyes.

My father found me. This will never end. No matter where I go, he will always track me down. Someone has to die to stop this. Maybe it’s my father or Sofia – or maybe it’s me.

My father wants me back in return for Jacob’s mother. Everyone seems convinced that they could get her back alive. They need her to live long enough to find her followers. It is not fair for me to stand in the way of that.

I am not worth the effort. No matter what, I will never be able to escape my father. I will always burden Jacob.

He spent all this time searching for her. He deserves the closure he craves. Even though he doesn’t talk about it much, I know how much it means for him to have answers. How can I take that away from him? There are also his headaches. He pretends to be okay, dismissing the pain. He needs his mother to survive. It’s his life or mine.

My mind is racing. I turn to face Jacob as he sleeps next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. He is so beautiful with the moon illuminating his face that it makes my heart ache.

Bad thoughts claw at my brain from every direction, making me shut my eyes tight. My father looming over me, men watching me as I stand before them in just a nightgown and running with no way out. It’s hard to breathe. I inhale slowly and quietly, afraid to wake him.

You are dirty and used . The thoughts scrape at my skull.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is. Squeezing my eyes tighter, I list the fifty varieties of roses Rosie has in her garden. Through the blackness of my mind, I imagine red, pink, and white petals.

I take a shaky breath in. The genus Rosa has over three hundred species and thousands of types that have been cultivated from those species. Rosa Grandiflora, Rosa 'Bonica', Rosa Floribunda, Rosa 'Teasing Georgia'. I force my mind to fill with words from books and images from the garden, but the only thing I see is my father laughing at me as he locks me in the castle.

Bile slowly rises in my throat. To free myself and help Jacob see his mother, I have to do this. As quietly as I can, I get out of bed and get dressed. I will let my father have me in return for Sofia. Then, I will kill him or die trying.

My hands shake and my head spins as I tiptoe to the door. This insanity has to end. My fear has to stop. I can’t take this any longer.

Large, warm hands wrap around my waist, and I am pressed against solid muscles, heat engulfing me. Immediately, my heart beats out of control.

Jacob . He nuzzles his face against my neck softly. Guilt takes over my indecisiveness. I should’ve thought this through a little better.

“No. I am not giving you back. Never,” Jacob sleepily whispers, his breath tickling my skin. “If you leave, I will go after you and kill everything that gets in my way.” His arms tighten around my waist.

Tears well up in my eyes, and I don’t know what to do with the feeling brewing in my chest. It’s like I’m drowning in my own self-loathing, grasping for something to hold on to, but everything that I touch breaks. How can he want me when I have so much darkness following me?

“I feel disgusted with myself for everything he did to me,” I mumble, my jaw hurting from holding back the tears. “Sometimes, I forget about it, and everything is fine, but now, when he is so close, it feels like I can’t escape my own mind.” The emotions break loose, and I sob, letting my body go limp.

“Let it out, baby.” He comes around with his arms still supporting me and holds me. “I’m here for you,” he whispers.

His words ring in my mind, and I cry even harder.

“I’m not worthy of you,” I manage through uncontrolled tears.

How does he not see it? As much as I deny it, I am broken. He lets go of my shaking body and squishes my cheeks between his palms. His gaze is stern in the dark, and I go silent at his intense stare.

“Never say that again. Don’t even think it.” His words are slow and stern.

I blink, and my lower lip quivers. Tears slowly fall down my face, and he engulfs me into himself again. I exhale, and my heart feels lighter. Silently, I stay in his embrace, letting my mind slow down and focus on his heartbeat.

“I’m sorry…” I finally whisper into his chest.

“Don’t apologize,” he mumbles and holds me tighter.

In his arms, everything feels warm and safe again. I was weak for letting my father get to me like this. He has hurt me enough. When will I learn to let go of the past?

Bad memories don’t define me . Yet, they haunt me, making me become a person I don’t want to be.