Page 10 of Pick Yourself Up (Heroes to the Core #3)

All Choked Up

A mber woke from another poor sleep. Even though it had been weeks since she’d woken screaming from a nightmare, she worried she’d have one here. That stopped her from dropping into a deep sleep, and her energy levels were low when she dragged herself into the shower.

Boomer had barely stirred by the time she was ready for the day.

From experience, she knew the dog would react instantly if a threat were near, even from his deepest sleep.

“Sorry, Boomer. I’ll get used to being here soon.

I know I’m interrupting your sleep, too.

Let’s get some breakfast and then do some exploring. ”

It wouldn’t be exploring in this house, as she didn’t want to wake anyone else. She wasn’t sure even Jolie and Ford were up yet, and they rose early to take care of their ducks.

Boomer had already figured out the squeaky stairs, and she followed him down without making a noise. Smiling, she ruffled his fur, and they went into the kitchen. She filled Boomer’s dish and grabbed a banana, making sure to put the peel in the compost bucket.

Smiling, she and Boomer headed out the mudroom door.

The view from the porch was wonderful. This part of the orchard had been maintained more than some of the other areas.

The trees scented the air and filled her vision.

Knox was onto something here. Even if they only got the farm working to create enough money to support themselves without much profit, it would be worth it.

Burke would disapprove of her not worrying about profit. Her oldest brother was always ensuring he had enough to take care of all emergencies any of them might have.

She’d love to have him sitting on the porch with his ever-present cup of coffee. Maybe the farm could work its magic on him as well. Although it might be easier to get Lawson here first. Having all four of them in one place would surely bring in Burke.

Getting them all here had been Knox’s plan from the beginning, and it was a good one. They’d become closer than most siblings when their parents had died. Fox had been wonderful, giving them all what they needed while pushing them to find individual things that gave them joy.

Amber sighed. “I miss him, Boomer. I think he’d like it here. It’s easy to imagine him sitting here with Jay, sipping coffee, and grumbling about climate change.”

All the evidence so far showed that Fox and Jay had been very much alike, but nothing gave them an idea of what had pulled them apart.

Maybe she’d find something in the other farmhouse., which gave her a great excuse to check it out. Not that she needed one.

Not having a job was weird.

Lessons from Burke had paid off, and she’d stashed away a lot of her paychecks over the years.

Living in hotels meant she hadn’t paid rent.

Wearing uniforms meant her clothing budget had been virtually non-existent.

She’d already spent more on the t-shirts, sweatshirts, and jeans she’d ordered the night before than she had in the past five years.

Having a social life might have put a dent in her savings, but that had never been her priority. Work had.

She headed to the driveway. “Come on, Boomer, let’s get to work.” If she treated her evaluation of the farmhouse like a job, she wouldn’t feel guilty for wasting time.

And she was rationalizing again.

Dr. Kate would lift her eyebrows and wait for Amber to make the connections.

Your job isn’t your life, Amber. It’s time to expand your horizons and put some life into your life. Time to search for the joy.

She trailed her fingers through Boomer’s fur. “She told me to think of the recovery from the attack as an opportunity to bring more happiness into my world. I think coming here was a good start. Do you like this better than the city?”

Boomer didn’t mention any preference, but she figured he had to prefer plants and trees to concrete.

Would this be a permanent move for them? Would this be a place she could finally call home?

She could hear Fox’s voice chiding her next. Amber, my gemstone, you must take care of yourself, too. Home is wherever your heart is.

She blinked away the tears at the memory of her grandfather. He’d been the glue from the moment of the crash that had killed her parents. It hadn’t taken long before his house felt like home because they’d all been together, taking care of each other.

She hadn’t had a home since she’d branched out on her own. The hotel rooms were just that. And she’d been alone in them all. No one to share the off-shift hours with. No one to talk with about everything and nothing at all. No one to share the chores or the little joys that made up a day.

Her mind flashed to cooking the previous morning with Gray. The man was more than competent in the kitchen. Her face heated as she imagined how skilled he might be in the bedroom.

With those steady eyes, his self-confidence, and the smile that seemed to lurk close to the surface, she’d bet he was a wonderful lover.

Something flashed in her peripheral vision, and fear shot through her. Boomer nuzzled her hand and woofed softly. Knowing that meant there was no threat, Amber followed his gaze to see a rabbit hop out of the bushes between them and the farmhouse.

She stopped walking, and Boomer immediately sat at her side, right where she could touch his head and ground herself.

“Thanks, Boomer. I just had the life scared out of me by a bunny. I’m such a mess.”

Dr. Kate jumped into her head again. You’ve been through trauma, Amber.

Physically and emotionally. Your physical injuries might have healed, but that’s the easy part.

Building your comfort with strangers and new situations takes time.

Build safety around you and remind yourself you’re moving forward every day.

The bunny bounded across the farm road without even so much a glance in their direction. If the rabbit could feel safe here, she could too.

“Okay, I’m good. Let’s keep going.”

They moved slowly along the road, and she paused by the bushes that Gray said he wanted to remove. Not only would that improve the look of the farmhouse, but it would make it safer. No one could hide there and surprise her. Was that what Gray had been thinking, too? Were her fears that transparent?

Probably, especially as he knew exactly what caused them.

Amber stopped where she’d stood yesterday in front of the house. It still appealed to her. The list of things to fix and replace would be huge, but that didn’t scare her. She liked hard work. She enjoyed making a plans and seeing them through.

This would require a big plan. Maybe dozens of big plans. One overarching list for the entire project. Slightly smaller lists for the exterior and interior plans. Individual ones for each room inside.

She couldn’t deny the excitement she felt at the thought. “It’ll take forever, Boomer. I have money in the bank, but is it enough to support me for the time this renovation would take? Plus, I’ll have so many things to purchase. It’s going to be incredibly expensive.”

At least she could do a lot of it herself. The design and the plans. Demo and some renovations. That would make it truly hers.

Could she find a way to make it more than just the next project on the list?

Only one way to find out.

“Okay, Boomer. We’re doing this. We’re going to figure out how to make ourselves a home.”

G ray spotted Amber further up the driveway and his steps automatically quickened. The woman attracted him like no one ever had.

Boomer spotted him immediately, and the German Shepherd nudged Amber’s hand to let her know she had company.

Amber turned with concern but no fear. Boomer would have let her know if he’d been a threat. Gray was thrilled Amber had adopted such a highly-trained dog, and that he helped her explore the farm on her own.

He rubbed Boomer’s head. “Good morning. You two are up early.”

Her smile widened. “We’re not the only ones.”

He chuckled. “Guilty. My mamma was a firm believer in early mornings. She always had bread dough rising before the sun appeared, no matter the season.”

“That sounds like a wonderful way to wake up.”

He nodded. “We may have lived in Florida, but our home was Italy at its finest.”

“Lucky.”

“The luckiest. Mamma was the best.”

Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

He had to pull in a slow breath at her heartfelt words. “Thanks. She’s been gone for a few years now.”

Amber nodded, and he knew she was probably thinking of her losses. “Do you have other family?”

He shook his head again. “Not anymore. Dad died of cancer when I was little, and I don’t remember him. And I lost my sister when she was seventeen.”

Tears filled Amber’s eyes, and she reached out to squeeze his forearm. “I’m so sorry, Gray. That’s terrible.”

He nodded. “Thanks. Angelina lived with cerebral palsy and had trouble with her lungs. One night, they simply shut down, and she passed peacefully in her sleep.”

His words shook so he pulled in another breath.

He thought of them often, but rarely spoke of either his mother or Angelina.

Their passing had taken a lot out of him and he usually kept that pain deep down inside.

Here was Amber, pulling it all from him with a few soft questions and empathy in her gaze.

Amber stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. The shock at her gentle action almost had him hesitating, but his body knew better, and his arms wrapped around her. Not much had ever felt as good. Ever.

Her warmth and caring surrounded him. For a moment, he said nothing, simply let the emotions wash through him.

His. Hers.

He lowered his head and breathed in her goodness. Her scent was pure and clean. No perfume or perfumed products to clog up the air. Just warm, beautiful woman.