Page 85 of Pervade Montego Bay

Beyond lay a blueness of endless ocean.

My thoughts tried to settle on the promise of calm that would eventually be mine—all I had to do was get this inevitable breakup behind me. Though something told me that I’d never find the peace I craved in life.

Standing before Louis’ glass wall and looking out onto the vast stretch of lawn below, I was finally able to relax a bit. I’d put distance between myself and Xavier an hour ago. That man was the equivalent of kryptonite. He was an addiction I couldn’t kick. No matter what my mind told me to do to extract myself from him, my body refused to let him go.

I considered my weary expression reflected in the glass, revealing how haunted I looked. This bespoke tuxedo and cleanly shaved jaw didn’t hide what was going on inside me.

I was unraveling.

I’d been strong all these years because Xavier had been by my side. I’d opened my heart and let his love in. It was time to conquer my vulnerability…hide my feelings. No small feat when dealing with a man like Xavier who read every nuance of an expression.

My bowtie was constricting. I untied it and let it hang around my neck. I’d go formal again when it was time to step out there…

Out on the lawn sat a hundred tables and chairs arranged for this evening’s party—a charity event Louis hosted each year to raise funds for the local orphanage. I played my part, too, in running the grand manor named after my wife. We all wanted to help make sure the staff was worthy to teach and care for the kids who’d been dealt a challenging start in life.

Tonight was also a chance for Louis to do what he loved, which was play the piano for an audience. It also served to make him look like a man with no secrets who was willing to open the lower floor of his home and let guests roam about.

He would never leave the island—this was the arrangement. A deal set in stone decades ago and Louis admirably carried the burden.

I’d never get used to the inside of this grand mansion. His home sat minutes from mine by car. Although there was an alternative route, it was the best choice while staff was circling the mansion.

Each room was decorated with the grandeur of a palace. If you were into gold and marble, you’d be happy here, I guess. Louis didn’t care much for either. Though he seemed at home despite the isolation. Or maybe it was the fact he never complained, never shared how much his home felt like a prison.

Thisplace is what guilt buys.

Louis suddenly appeared in the glass wall’s reflection—he was standing a few feet behind me. I turned to face him, giving him a warm smile.

He looked suave in his black tuxedo. His short hair stood up in its usual mussed style. Had he been allowed to attend Oxford, as he’d once wanted, he’d have fit right in with those foppish boys.

Louis was holding two glasses of champagne. “Where are the others?”

I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Em was taking forever to get ready.”

“You know that’s kind of normal for women.”

“I was giving them some time alone…”

I couldn’t share that this morning I’d woken up with my lovers on either side of me. That it wrenched my heart to spend any more time with them because I knew we couldn’t sustain our relationship. Yet, for a while, it had felt like paradise had returned to find me.

But I was stealing time I didn’t deserve.

Emily had asked for a passionate goodbye, and last night one had been spectacularly delivered. My wrists tingled from how she’d bound me—and my cock twitched with how liberating being tied up had felt. My bruised lips were testament to Xavier’s fiery passion.

Not having either of them again would be the equivalent of drowning.

“How’s your head?” Louis asked.

I rose from daydreaming. “Fine.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Itches.”

“Can you drink?”

I held out my hand for the glass. “Let’s see.”

I needed a shot of alcohol. Soon Xavier would be here. I’d have to face him with the news that our reunion couldn’t continue. I took a sip of champagne, then another, hoping to deaden my pain.