Page 4 of Persuading Penny (Jane Austen Association #4)

“I don’t think so,” he said. “No one mentioned anything about that.”

He was right. There was nothing about that.

Either way, it didn’t change anything, I thought. I wouldn’t be passing by to check in... or would I? Should I?

He suddenly seemed uncomfortable as he sensed my distress. He pointed up the stairs. “I’m going to go join them.”

“Right. Yes.” I looked around and my gaze fell on my suitcase. “I’ll leave you then. If you have any questions, if there’s anything you don’t understand, or can’t find, you know how to contact us.”

“I have all your numbers right here,” he said, showing me his phone.

“Perfect.” I picked up my suitcase and opened the door. “Have a nice stay.”

I left them and headed to my car as my eyes quickly filled with heartbroken and confused tears.

Cliff. Cliff Healy. Was it a decade ago that I last saw him?

I got into my car and sat behind the wheel.

In my mind’s eye, I saw his youthful face as I sat there and stared into space.

In my mind’s eye, he smiled that gorgeous smile.

His wavy brown hair, kissed with a few natural highlights around his face, was thick and long enough to reach his shoulders.

His clear hazel eyes had never failed to catch every girl’s attention.

Had he changed? Nearly ten years had gone by. Both in our first year of college, we were so young and so na?ve back then, and it seemed that anything was possible.

We had met during a summer trip to Israel, he with his American perspective and I with my British one.

“You talk funny,” he’d said.

“Me? You’re the one who talks funny.”

Truth was, we were both enchanted by the other’s accent. I loved hearing his stories from Illinois and New Jersey, which he’d said he frequently visited. I’d told him of my time in Bath.”

“Bath?” he’d said. “You live in a town called Bath?”

“I do, indeed,” I’d replied. “And if you could see it, you would be enchanted.”

“Why would you name your town Bath? Is the neighboring town Shower?”

I’d laughed and told him of the Roman baths that had drawn so many to the region.

By the end of our trip, we’d promised to write to one another, and we planned to see each other at first opportunity.

I’d come home after that trip, completely in love, but hadn’t dared speak to my parents about him.

But to Aunt Sally... I was sure she’d understand.

“If you could only see him,” I’d told her. “He could be a Hollywood movie star. His hair is perfect, and you just want to run your fingers through it. And his eyes... oh, Aunt Sally, if you could only see his eyes, you’d melt.”

“It takes a lot to get me to melt,” she said.

“Well, if his eyes aren’t enough... Aunt Sally, I saw him in a bathing suit one day out by the pool. He claims to not be interested in sports, but he has the physique of an athlete; broad and strong shoulders, perfectly sculpted biceps... and his chest.”

“There’s more to love than an appealing body, Penny. You were in Isreal for just over a month. It takes more time than that to truly know someone and fall in love.”

“You’ll see,” I’d told her. “Cliff and I promised to write to one another. We’re going to keep in touch and find a way to see each other... perhaps during Christmas break.”

She’d smiled, then laughed, then looked at me with solemn sadness. Patting my hand, she’d said, “I certainly hope that you will one day meet a man who’ll make you happy, but Penny... a long-distance relationship... that’s always sure to fail.”

Not this time, I’d wanted to argue.

But as time had passed and my heart ached so terribly to see him again, I’d come to understand how difficult a long-distance relationship truly was.

I remembered that first Christmas break, how I’d tried to convince my parents to let me go to Chicago.

“Chicago?” Mum had cried out. “What in the world do you want to do in Chicago?”

“I don’t care what she wants to do in Chicago,” Dad had barked back. “The answer is no.”

The same had happened when school ended for the summer. It seemed no matter what we did, seeing each other was impossible.

Finally, a full year after initially meeting him, he came to London. We met secretly and spent a good part of the summer together.

He was intrigued by London, and by Londoners. He loved hearing my British accent and I was constantly amused by his American expressions.

When August came around, with the knowledge that he would soon be returning to the United States, we had a romantic dinner together.

“I know it seems impossible now,” he said as he pulled out a small, deep blue box. “But... one day... One day we will be together, if you will have me.” He popped open the box. “I know it’s not for now, maybe not even for next year, but, Penny, will you marry me?”

Thrilled, I’d accepted, and thrilled I’d returned home, and so filled with love was I, that I immediately shared the news with my parents.

My rose-colored glasses shattered in that very moment

. No discussion was to be had. No manner of describing him could alter their view of the relationship. A Copperfield would never be permitted to marry a common American.

“You’re being selfish,” Aunt Sally had said.

I was shocked by her comment. Though, she wasn’t truly an aunt by blood, simply a family friend who’d become an aunt of sorts, I’d always looked up to her.

Several years older than I was, I’d always respected her opinions.

I’d very often followed her advice. She’d always appeared so wise to the ways of the world and I, so naive.

“How am I being selfish, Aunt Sally?” I’d cried. “I love him. This is my life, my future. You would have me turning my back on the man I love?”

“Love is a wonderful thing, my young Penny. But there are so many other factors that you need to consider. You know, the French have an expression; vivre d’amour et d’eau fraìche .”

My French being quite good, I nodded. “Live off of love and fresh water.”

“Do you really think you could survive off of just fresh water and love? No food? No house? No clothes? No nothing?”

“Well, if you’re going to put it that way... no. Of course not. But what makes you think we’d be living so poorly?”

“For one thing, you are both still in college. Secondly, what does he want to do with his life? For all your talk of him, you’ve never mentioned his ambition, his career choice.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think he quite knows yet. He loves photography. He’s also mentioned a love of documentaries. I believe his classes revolve around those interests.”

“Promising future,” she said sarcastically. “No, Penny. I’m certain your father would prefer to see you marry a man with a brighter, more promising future... a man with a good and steady job that pays well.”

I was miserable as I pondered her words. Was it truly selfish of me to marry Cliff rather than a more promising man? To what degree did I owe this to my parents? At what point did my own wishes for a happy life take precedence?

Aunt Sally sat beside me and helped me write a letter to Cliff, a letter telling him of my need to end our engagement. Once the letter was written, she handed me an envelope, had me address it, slapped on the necessary postage and personally ensured I dropped the letter into a postbox.

“Believe me, Penny,” she’d said as I’d tearfully walked away from that postbox. “In a few years, you will see the wisdom of this moment.”

“Well, Aunt Sally, it’s been nearly ten years, and I still don’t see the wisdom you so promised.”

Grasping the steering wheel of my car, I tilted my head back and fought the tears that threatened to stream down my face.

All the heartache, all the pain, all the guilt came back to me, stronger than ever.

I’d spent the last decade meeting men and subconsciously measuring them up to Cliff.

I’d spent the last decade breaking up with men because they didn’t measure up to my first love.

I’d spent a good part of the last decade finding fault with every man, because. ..

Here I was, twenty-nine years old, alone, a spinster... an old maid, as Aunt Sally would say... because no man could ever live up to Cliff Healy.