Page 37

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

KENDRA

Me

I’m coming home.

Ollie

Like, right now?

Yes. When will you be at Mom and Dad’s?

In around twenty-four hours.

I’m at the airport now, waiting for my flight. Shit has hit the fan, Ol.

Talk to me.

I don’t know what to say.

Tell me whatever it is upsetting you.

That’s the thing. I don’t know where it all went wrong. About six hours ago, I found out I didn’t make the squad because of my knee. Then I told Jack I needed space after I read some pretty fucked-up messages he’d sent about me. Oh, and I turned down another shot in the UK because I didn’t want to fuck up the relationship that feels fucked anyway.

I have strong thoughts on the squad decision, and all of them are that they’re fools for not choosing you. But right now, what can I do to make this better?

Sitting in the empty departure lounge, I watch as a couple hands over their boarding passes to the attendant. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, the guy pulls his girlfriend into him, setting a kiss in her hair.

Thoughts of Brazil and traveling to the UK to stock up on tea settle in my eyes, turning them glassy.

I reach up and wipe the wetness away with my sleeve. It’s been hours since I told him I needed space. And the truth is, I do. But that still doesn’t stop me from missing him. Up until Jack, I felt confused and at sea with my life. He and his smile brought some clarity, and I stopped questioning everything. I just went with it.

I had fun, and it was showing in every part of my life. My soccer especially.

I just don’t understand how I arrived back here—lost and confused and fucking alone in a city that once again feels as cold as the frost lining its sidewalks.

Me

I think I need my brother.

Ollie

That I can help with. I just moved my flight up. I’ll be there in twelve hours.

I know I give you shit, but you’re kind of okay.

Screenshot taken.

Want to talk about Jack?

I told him I need space because I literally don’t know what to say to him. I’m pissed, I’m hurt, I’m humiliated, I’m sad, and I’m just so fucking confused, Ollie.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but I’m not sure I really need to. You’re in love with him. When you fought with Tyler, you were so unbothered that you forgot to tell me. When it comes to Jack, you’re flying to Ohio, and I’m moving my flight up.

I read his message three times over, every word making complete sense, even in the midst of my meltdown. I know I’m in love with Jack.

Ollie

The question is, are you running from Jack or the fear of getting hurt again?

I’m still wrapping my head around his last question when another comes through.

Ollie

Give it some thought. I’m going to pack and catch my flight. We can talk more when I see you.

“Kendra? What can I get you to eat, honey?”

My stomach growls, but I couldn’t feel less hungry. “I’m good, thanks,” I shout back at Mom as I look around my childhood bedroom.

Pink walls, pictures of family, and one massive print of my favorite soccer player decorate the space around me. I haven’t been home in a while, and my parents haven’t changed a thing in my room since I moved out before college.

Mom pushes on my door, her face full of concern. “You didn’t eat when you got here last night, and you’re refusing again this morning. You need to keep up your strength.”

I sigh and flop backward onto my bed, and she comes to sit next to me.

“You’ve always been fiercely independent. From the age of three, you were determined to do things most five- and six-year-olds were still struggling with.”

“I don’t like being a burden on anyone,” I say. I place a palm over my eyes as a headache builds behind them.

“What made you come back home this time?”

I peer up at her from behind my hand.

“Would the strong and independent woman lying in front of me like a bit of advice from her older mom?” she asks, picking up a framed picture of us at a local water park one summer.

I nod and reach down to take her hand. She’s absolutely correct in her assessment of my stubborn independence. Though, sometimes, I still need my mother’s words.

She strokes her thumb across the back of my hand. “I never told you this. Maybe because I’ve been wrapped up in your dad for thirty years and I’d all but forgotten him. He didn’t seem relevant anymore, but maybe my hindsight could benefit you right now.”

She sets the frame down carefully. “I once dated a guy similar to Tyler Bennett. His name was Jason Matthews, and he was the hottest boy in high school. Honestly, I was with him for four years, and at one point, we were pretty serious for saying we were still so young. He was from a well-thought-of family with the classic white picket fence and parents who painted the perfect, serene picture. He was the complete opposite of your dad and his upbringing. As you know, your grandfather wasn’t a kind man.”

I sit up on my elbows but remain silent.

“I was too young to work out why Jason cheated on me that day. I caught him making out with someone else in the back seat of his car. It was right outside his house, and I’d shown up to surprise him after his baseball game. For years, I projected inwardly, thinking I wasn’t good enough for him. But then I got older and wiser, and then I met your dad. It still took me a while, but you know what I figured out in the end?”

I shake my head, my brain locked in and focused for the first time since Tyler’s text landed in my inbox.

“I don’t think Jason appreciated what he had. I don’t think he ever took a step back and thought about how sacred and precious those who loved and cared for us were. I don’t think he’d ever been shown or experienced what it was like to want for something like the security of trustworthy, loving arms.”

She falls quiet and meets me with her eyes. “Tyler Bennett gave me Jason Matthews vibes. So many times, I wanted to tell you to tread carefully, and sometimes, I felt like I’d overstepped your independent boundaries when I did hint at it. Tyler never made you happy or injected pure sunshine into your voice. Not like I heard that time on the joint call with your brother. You sounded light and full of life. It radiated from you. Even from thousands of miles away, I could tell.”

My senses sting with not just emotion, but realization. “And you think Jack makes me happy?”

She lifts one shoulder slowly. “I’m just saying that you’re right to be angry at Jack. You were right to be hurt, and your feelings are absolutely valid about that. What I also think is that you don’t need space at all. That’s not what you’re searching for. I think you want him to show you that he’s worth the fact that you turned down the UK and put your relationship ahead of a shot in the Super League. And for what it’s worth, I personally think that he is. Call it mother’s intuition.”

She releases my hand and rises from the bed, turning around to look at me.

Like finding the missing piece to a puzzle, something clicks into place.

Elliott.

Jack has watched his mother and family be manipulated by a man who I couldn’t stand the sight of, not for even thirty seconds. Maybe because of his asshole father, he’s grown to appreciate the important things in life.

Maybe I don’t need to worry about him hurting me at all.

Mom smiles as she watches me think everything over. “I hope there’s something helpful in what I said.”

Her eyes flick back to my nightstand, and she hands me my phone. “Someone named Darcy is calling.”

With my thoughts still whirling, I sit up and take it, and she makes a quick exit, allowing me some privacy.

“Hello?”

“Kendra? It’s Darcy.”

The sound of her soft British accent forces me to bite down on the inside of my cheek, emotions overwhelming me as I hear the natural kindness in her voice.

“So!” she says excitedly. “Guess who’s heading back to New York after Christmas? Long story short, I have another reading week, and I thought, What the hell? I’ll come back and see my favorite person. Along with Jack .” She giggles. “He has another game, and I figured we could go together again. Last time was kinda fun, and being honest, I haven’t seen him play enough.”

I swallow thickly. She doesn’t know. I guess she wouldn’t. Not even Jenna knows what’s happened. Only my brother and parents.

Working hard to hide my emotional crisis, I clear my throat. “That sounds great! I have a really stacked schedule around Christmas, but if I can make it, then I?— ”

“What’s the matter?” she cuts me off dead in my tracks. “You sound upset.”

I shift my phone from one ear to the next, trying to figure out what to say. “I-I …”

“He didn’t break it off with you, did he?” Her voice is incredulous.

I shake my head. “No, no. We’re still together—well, sort of together. I’ve just had the worst twenty-four hours in history, and we kind of had a fight, and I came back home.”

“Wait … you’re at your mum and dad’s. Right now?”

I look around at my pink bedroom.

“I came home to think everything through,” I say on a broken sob that I can’t help. “It’s been a shitty twenty-four hours.”

She sighs softly into the phone. “Oh, babe. Jack called me earlier, asking for your exact home address. I figured he was going to send your parents something for Christmas. But now I’m thinking something else.”

“Kendra?” My door creaks open, and Mom reappears, standing in my doorway. Her face is flushed a little pink, and she wears an unmistakable smile. “Are you expecting visitors?”

She steps to one side, and a white sneaker appears, followed by the bill of a Blades cap.

“Hey, Kitten,” he says softly. His eyes are red, and his jawline is scruffier than I’ve ever seen it.

“He just got here,” I say to Darcy, not taking my eyes from him as he walks into my room and sets down a bag of something by his feet.

“I’ll be right back with drinks and food.” Mom’s still smiling as she closes my door behind her.

“Does he look apologetic for whatever he did?” Darcy’s deadpan tone pulls my lips upward.

Clearly hearing her, Jack rolls his eyes and shoves his hands into his jean pockets .

I chuckle and feel the butterflies as they react to seeing him for the first time in days.

“Okay. I’m going to go and let you talk out whatever it is you need to. But let me finish with this: There’s no way I’m letting go of you now—you got that? Even if my brother’s a big enough asshole to lose you, then I sure as shit am not. Understood?”

I smile at her positivity. Just like her brother, she’s infectious. “Loud and clear,” I reply.

I look up at Jack as he takes a single step toward me, his eyes burning into mine.

“Okay, cool. Make him grovel, babe. Lots of love. Bye!”

When the call disconnects, Jack reaches down and takes the phone from my hand, setting it on the nightstand. He takes a seat on the bed next to me, the mattress dipping with his weight as he rests his elbows on his knees.

“You’re on an away series.”

He pulls off his cap and runs a hand through his hair. “Technically, yes. I have forty-eight hours before I need to be back. Well, more like thirty-six now.”

The energy between us feels awkward, though not in the way I can’t stand. More like there’s so much to be said, and he’s nervous to approach it. The conversation I just shared with Mom has brought me some clarity, but I need to hear his uninterrupted thoughts. I need him to show me what I’m praying is true.

Drawing in a deep breath, he looks around at my room. His trademark smile is evident, though it’s clearly buried beneath a weight of worry. “I had to come to you. I know you said you needed space, but I wanted you to hear everything I have to say before you decide what to do, what it is you want.”

He runs a palm up the side of his face, stress flowing from him. “Seeing you hurting is the worst kind of torture. And knowing I made you feel this way is fucking unbearable. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin.”

He drops his head between his shoulders and turns to look at me, his blue eyes not as bright. “There’s a chance I’ll say this, and it won’t change anything. Still, I don’t think telling you will ever be in vain. You need to hear the words, and I need to walk out of this door, knowing I left it all in these walls. I can’t control the past, but I can control the present.”

I hold my breath, unable to inflate my lungs as I wait for him to continue.

“I’m not just falling anymore, Kendra. I’m fully in love with you. With every part of you. From your incredible talent on the pitch to the way you mess with your hair, not knowing whether to wear it up or down. Truth is, you could wear it any way possible, and you’d still be just as beautiful.”

He reaches his hand out to my upper thigh and then quickly retracts, not sure how far to go.

“When I saw the messages Tyler sent you, I felt sick. Sick because I knew how badly they would hurt you. Manipulated and cherry-picked for his benefit or not, I should never have said what I did. I don’t have any excuses, and I’m not about to make any either. You are in your rights to be pissed at me, and I have to wear that.”

He sits up and edges slightly closer until I can feel his warm breath as it tickles my lips.

“You can be angry with me for as long as you want. You can have as much space as you need. There isn’t anything I won’t do for you. Even if it means I have to disappear for a while, I will. But I won’t be gone. I refuse to walk away from the undeniable pull between us. I’m not even sure it’s possible, to be honest.”

“I felt like a pawn in a game,” I breathe out, my heart hammering in my chest.

Unable to stop himself, he softly traces the back of his hand across my cheek. “It’s impossible to play games over something so serious. Without even trying, you knocked me right on my ass; you made it hard to think straight when I was in your proximity.” He huffs a soft laugh. “All without even looking my way. That’s the hold you’ve always had on me, Kitten. ”

Flutters shimmer through me, all the way to my toes.

“The past three months, you’ve looked at me how I always fantasized you would. You’ve given me the chance I wanted so badly, one I had to watch some prick waste away for four years. You haven’t made any mistakes, Kendra. Not one. You lit up my goddamn world when you said you chose us and New York because I chose us too. Every single real second of us. It’s never been about Tyler or the rivalry. Just you. All I’ve ever wanted or cared about is you.”