Page 10 of Perfect Assumption

I shake myself from my reverie. That night was certainly unforgettable as it set off a chain of events that changed the course of my life forever.

I only wish we had been thrown out.

Four

Ward

Last night, more than one star was spotted catching Erzulie playing at Terminal 5. According to the manager, her powerful voice blew the doors off the place with her ability to switch seamlessly between the highest soprano and the lowest alto ranges. Broadway cast members fromQueen of the Starssang along from their prime spots by the stage. “Moments like that can never be matched. I think even Erzulie was in awe,” one concertgoer was overheard to say.

We happen to agree.

— The Fallen Curtain

My kingdom to escape my pain.

I’d trade anything, my car, my condo in Tribeca, including and especially every damn dollar to my name, if I could escape the damn farce of perfection that makes up my life and if there was any—any—way I could go back in time. Just once. I’d dump everything and sleep in a cardboard box without a single moment of hesitation.

I’d hold her tighter to me. I’d grip his hand.

I’d do anything to never let them go. Never to come home from a stupid-ass party to find them both gone. Dead. I was left with something so completely worthless when compared to my parents’ love.

Money.

And still, the more largess I’m granted, the more their blood oozes from wounds that have never closed. Not in ten years. Not ever. To me, it’s pretty straightforward: it’s their blood money. And the life I have that’s based upon it? What right do I have to enjoy it? To cherish it?

Little arms reach up and pound my thigh before demanding, “Again!”

“Of course, my liege.” I bow to my two-year-old nephew before I swoop him around in a circle.

He chortles loudly in my ear.

Innocence. I wish I could find my way back to it.

Despite the years, and my often careless callousness, Carys has never given up on me. She’s all about the most critical bonds of family: love, loyalty, and friendship.Not like Carys would have let me, I think wryly. Once she sets her heart on loving someone, they don’t stand a chance. Just look at what happened when she decided David’s time was up. My smile spreads as their son starts using me as his personal drum kit.

My personal nightmare led to my sister’s dream. It doesn’t completely mitigate what happened, but it helps knowing the worst kind of failure had the best outcome. Still, I can’t reconcile finding happiness when the two people who gave us everything are gone.

Because of me.

I place Ben back down at his table and chairs. “Listen to me, Ben. Don’t be afraid of living, of showing people how much you love them. It’s important to do that every single chance you get. It doesn’t matter if your buddies think it’s cool.”

He tilts his head, intent on the sound of my voice.

“I get it. You’re going to need to experience everything in life. Do it. Savor it. Don’t let a single moment pass you by without trying new things. But remember, every moment with family is precious. Especially ours.”

Ben blinks back at me without saying a word. Then he slams his fist down on the table in front of him in frustration.

“I get it, buddy. It’s not fair that you have to wait to do all of the things you want to do, but you’re lucky.”

He frowns in confusion.

“You have two amazing parents who love you. I…love you. And none of that will ever change. You’ll never have to worry about growing up hungry or cold. There are so many out there your age who don’t have what you do.”

He nods, totally getting it. I squat down so we’re talking man to man. I love these times when my nephew and I get private time and I can share the most important lessons I’ve learned with him.

“It’s important to be a good man—someone your family can rely on. You don’t want to earn a reputation as just the clown or as a jock, you know? I mean, it’s good to be both athletic and funny, but they shouldn’t define you.”

Ben gurgles and lurches forward until he can wrap his arms around my neck. Even though his face is entirely David’s, his coloring is just like mine and my father’s. The minute he was born and was put into my arms, little Benjamin Burke Lennan found the crack to start the blood flowing to my waste of a heart again.