Page 5

5

CAM

The first few days after Ryder left my dorm were good. There was pep in my step that hadn’t been there before he’d come over. Unfortunately, it started to fade around the fourth day. By the fifth, I was in almost the same position I’d been in before the feeding. I was struggling to keep my eyes open in class.

I could feel Penn watching me in newspaper. I could see the concern in his eyes as he studied me. I offered him a small smile, trying to relay that everything was fine. I didn’t know if he bought it, but I knew that the smile was a lie regardless. I was no closer to finding a regular feeder than I’d been when Ryder left.

My sister had offered to set me up with people she knew, but I’d told her I had it under control. I didn’t need my family worrying about me. I didn’t want that. I wanted to find someone on my own. Maybe I could just sign up for a dating app or something, find someone to feed off of until I found a regular feeder again.

The idea turned my stomach.

I didn’t care how much Ryder said he got out of our feedings. I didn’t care how much he enjoyed the almost high state he found himself after it. I didn’t even care that a lot of humans would willingly sign up for it, especially since Ryder said it also came with orgasms that knocked the world off kilter for a few minutes. Because feeding off of a stranger felt wrong to me. It felt weird. I had to let myself be vulnerable when I fed.

I didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable with some stranger on the internet.

So instead of setting up a profile on WereScruff, I went back to my dorm. I would go out that night, and I’d feed on people at the club. It was basically a tasting sampler, and while it wouldn’t do anything close to what I needed, it would provide me with something.

I got dressed and I invited my roommates out. They all turned me down. Apparently, they had more important things to do than hit Zomb-Bar with me. It was probably for the better, given the fact that I was going to be feeding. I already knew that one of my roommates found the whole feeding things creepy, but he was a werewolf. The only thing he had to feed on was raw steak, and he could buy that at the grocery store. He didn’t understand. None of them did. They didn’t have special dietary concerns that the student center couldn’t provide.

Sometimes, I thought that was part of the reason I was unable to get close to them. Not that they made much of an effort either. A close knit group of roommates we were not, and I didn’t think we’d ever be one either.

By the time I made it to Zomb-Bar, it was packed. I managed to make it to the bar to order a drink, but that took at least fifteen minutes. It was a good sign. If it was this crowded, I’d be able to find powerful threads to pull. I’d be able to get the boost of energy I needed. It might be enough to tide me over until I found a real feeder.

Maybe I’d even find some human there that I hit it off with, someone I could form a bond with. The more I thought about it, the better that idea sounded. But first things were first. I found a chair in an unobtrusive corner and began the process of finding a snack. It was easy, and before long, I’d pulled enough energy in to lighten a little of the hunger I’d been carrying around with me. When I opened my eyes, I felt better than I had before.

It was time to proceed with the next step of my plan. I slipped out of my chair and made my way to the dance floor. I started at the edge, taking in the crowd. Humans danced with monsters, bodies grinding to the music playing over the speakers. I could feel the tendrils of energy without even trying: lust and longing thick enough that it could be cut like a cake. I fought the urge to follow some of those juicier strands, to take another hit. This wasn’t about finding potato chips to snack on. This was about hopefully finding a new meal, something that could sustain me.

The other thing I noticed was that not all of the monsters on the dance floor were in their human forms. I saw horns and tails, a small set of wings, different colored skin that had nothing to do with the strobe light. I smiled at the sight. It was the kind of thing Ryder and I used to dream about: monsters and humans mingling without any care about the differences between us. It was too bad he’d gone to Europe. I knew he’d have loved to see this.

I stepped out onto the dance floor, aware of people looking at me. I used a little of the energy I’d pulled earlier to amplify the magic that surrounded me, my natural lure. Within minutes, I had two human men dancing with me. I danced in the middle of them. I could feel the way they were feeling, could feel the energy they were radiating. The urge to feed was too strong. I tugged at the string and felt the electric buzz that came from a real feeding. Could this be the answer until I found a real feeder? I felt hope blossom in my chest as I pulled more of that delicious energy into me, savoring spicy notes I’d never tasted before.

And then, it abruptly stopped.

“What the fuck is up with your eyes?” one of the men asked, terror in his voice.

Great. Apparently horns and tails were all well and good, but if your eyes glowed a little in the middle of a dance, it was suddenly weird. I heaved a heavy sigh as he walked away, his friend following, muttering about feeling a little weird. And here I thought I’d found a loophole.

Finding a feeder at the bar was clearly not going to happen.

I left shortly after.

The small boost of energy from the club lasted less than twenty-four hours. It was more satisfying than the snacks I’d had at other clubs and parties. Maybe the loophole was still there. Maybe I could hold off on finding a feeder until I found one I really liked if I just danced with my eyes closed. I thought about it as I ate a quick burger before Monster History. I thought about it as I found a small energy source before newspaper. My mind even wandered to it when I was supposed to be listening to Ever ramble about something or another related to the newspaper.

I probably should’ve been listening to that.

I went back to the bar that night, but the energy wasn’t the same. I did meet someone there, but they were too eager to just go back to their place. He’d claimed that he’d heard that an incubus feeding off of you during sex was the best high of your life, and he wanted to find out for real.

I almost took him up on it, but it just felt wrong.

I went home alone.

The night after, I managed to get a few hits on the dance floor, eyes closed so as to not scare off my prey, but I was no closer to finding a real source of energy.

More than that, going to the club every night was hurting my bank account and my sleep schedule. Drinks at the bar were expensive and not drinking at the bar felt counter intuitive. I chose not to go the next night.

I probably should have. I realized that about halfway through the day when my energy bottomed out. I searched desperately for anything I could find. I pulled in the little threads of energy, just trying to get enough to keep going a little longer. I was going to have to suck it up and find someone. I was going to have to set up a profile on WereScruff, or I was going to have to call my sister and get an emergency feeder sent to me.

Because I’d only felt this week once before in my life.

Of course, I’d ever gone this long without feeding once. It had been almost a week and a half, and I needed to feed at least once a week. I wondered if this was what starvation felt like. Time moved strangely. Some classes passed in a blink, while others dragged for an eternity. One minute I was leaving Monster History and the next, I was across campus at the library, hoping to find someone getting freaky in the stacks.

When I finally made the decision to text my sister, my phone fell out of my hand. I almost fell over picking it up.

It was bad.

I knew that it was bad. I also knew that I should have gone back to my dorm. Instead, I went to newspaper. I staggered to my seat, my heart pounding in my chest from the energy it took to get there. I was running on fumes. Less than fumes. I was running on empty, and I knew the last time this happened, I’d woken up in the hospital. That had been two weeks though. I wasn’t at that point yet. I should still have a few more days.

I ignored the fact that I’d been younger then. I’d needed less energy.

“You look…” Penn’s words hit my ear, warping as my brain tried to make sense of them.

I struggled to look at him. I didn’t have the energy to hide the fact that I was exhausted. I wished I did, because I hated the soft concern in his dark eyes. It felt like he could see straight through me, that he could diagnose the root of the problem. It wasn’t great. I didn’t want anyone to see how much I was struggling since Ryder left.

“Cam?” his voice was still warped, distant despite the fact that he was standing so close to me. The world faded at the edges and I gripped the edge of my desk. “Do I… Should I get Ever?”

“No,” I croaked out. That was the last thing I needed. He’d tell my sister, and then my entire family would know that I’d been lying through my teeth about having this all handled. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to keep that from happening. If Penn was already noticing, then there was a good chance that Ever could look over and see my struggle. I tried to sit straighter, but it made the world feel like it was tilting on it’s axis. “Just need… Food. Just need something.”

“Like real food? Did you not eat lunch?”

If I were feeling better, I might have found the question charming. “No. Need…”

He paused for a moment. “Oh. Uh, is your—do you have a feeder coming after class? Do you need help getting back to your dorm?”

I wanted to tell him the same lie I’d been telling my family. That I had it figured out. That I would be perfectly fine. Except that I didn’t even believe it right then. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it back to my dorm after newspaper.

I swallowed my pride. “Love some help.”

“Okay,” Penn agreed quietly.

I didn’t know how much time we had left in our session. I didn’t even know how long we’d been there. I only knew that the longer I sat there, the weaker I felt. I hoped that there would be someone in the dorms that was having a wet dream or watching porn or hooking up or even thinking dirty thoughts. Just something that could give me a little boost until I figured out my next steps. I couldn’t feel any of it here, but then, was there really anything sexy about Ever talking about whatever it was he was talking about?

Probably not.

It seemed like an eternity before we were released from newspaper. I staggered when I stood up, and I wondered if I would have collapsed if Penn’s strong hand on the small of my back hadn’t steadied me. He stayed close as we walked across the campus back to the dorms. I was aware of him talking beside me, but my ears were ringing and his voice sounded like static. I couldn’t make out words.

Halfway across campus, I had to stop and sit on a bench.

“Cam,” Penn exhaled my name as he sat beside me.

I closed my eyes and held up a single finger to silence him. I used what little energy I had to find those strands of energy I could pull from, and I found one. It was faint, probably nothing more than a lustful thought, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. I pulled at it, trying to siphon any excess energy from it. Anything to get me back to my dorm.

When I opened my eyes back up, Penn was studying me with curiosity clear on every one of his features. “Better?”

“No, but should be able to make it back to the dorm.”

And then I could rest until I figured out my next steps.

Penn helped me the rest of the way to the dorm. He held the door open to me and swiped his badge at the secured doors that let us into the residence wing. He guided me to the elevators and, after getting my room number, he helped me to the door. When I fumbled with my key, he took it from me and got the door opened.

My roommates were sitting in the living area, playing video games. The noise of the game and their voices was a shock to my system and it took everything in me not to cover my ears and shy away from it. Did they have to be so loud ?

“What’s wrong with him?” I heard one of my roommates ask through the static.

“Not feeling well,” Penn’s voice answered. “I’ve got him. Which room’s his?”

My roommate must have answered, because a few moments later, Penn was helping me sit on my bed.

I laid back, resting my head on the pillow. I expected him to leave, but instead, I felt his weight on the foot of my bed. I looked up to see him sitting on the edge of my bed, that same studying expression on his face. There were a few moments of silence before he spoke again: “You don’t have a new feeder, do you?”

“No,” I admitted. “I’ve been going out since Ryder left. Trying to find one and making do with what I could, but I haven’t found anyone yet.”

I could feel Penn’s eyes on me as he weighed my words. It was an almost tangible sensation, heavier than a weighted blanket. There was something brewing in the air between us that I couldn’t quite put a name to. Maybe if I weren’t feeling like shit, I’d have a better chance at understanding whatever was going on in his head. Or maybe not. It wasn’t like we were really all that close, except for the fact that he seemed to be the only person who noticed when I wasn’t feeling well.

Maybe he was just the only person brave enough to say something when he did notice.

The silence seemed to stretch an eternity, but I knew that it couldn’t have been that long. If it’d been too long, my roommates probably would’ve come to check on me. There would have been a change in the light filtering through the small window across from my bed. When he finally spoke, his voice was hesitant but determined.

“I have an idea.”

I forced myself up onto my elbows so I could look at him better. “Yeah?”

“I could be your feeder.”