Page 10

10

PENN

Cam liked me.

The fact replayed in my head with the soft kiss we’d shared in my desk chair. It hadn’t been about feeding. We’d not gone any further than that single kiss. We stayed in my room and talked for a few hours, before he started yawning and said that he had to get back to his room.

It was probably for the better. I had homework, and I would skip all of it if it meant spending a little more time with him. Which would not be good for the GPA or staying at Creelin.

That night, I sent him a good night text and thought about the question I should have asked before he left: What did this mean for us?

Were we together? Were we boyfriends? The longer the question circulated through my brain, the more I thought about texting him. But it was late and he was probably asleep. I decided that waking up to texts like that would probably not be the greatest feeling. It would fill me with a sense of dread that would make it hard to focus until I talked to him. I didn’t want to do that to him. I didn’t want to be a source of anything other than comfort for Cam.

I was still thinking about the kiss when I woke up the next morning. I thought about the way his lips felt against mine and the slow glide of his tongue in my mouth all through my first class. I thought about the way his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer instead of paying attention in Intro to Monsterkind. When I was supposed to be listening to one of my friends talk about some project they were working on for one of their major classes, I was thinking about the soft look in his blue eyes when he told me that he had feelings for me.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was about ready to call the whole day off. I was just counting down the moments until I’d see him again. There was a skip in my step as I made my way to the student union for lunch. We usually ate together, and I was excited to see him.

I stepped into the student union and found the table we usually claimed. Mallory was already there, picking at a sandwich while she read a textbook. She had two notebooks spread out around her and a focused intensity in her green eyes. “Am I okay to sit, or should I find somewhere else?”

Mallory jumped slightly before laughing. “You can sit, but don’t be upset if I’m not super chatty. I have a test tomorrow, and I completely forgot about it, and now I’m going to fail and get kicked out of Creelin.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I assured her. “Even if you don’t do great on one test, they’re not going to kick you out.” We were barely over a month into the semester. I doubted they’d kick someone out for one failed test, especially not that early in their Creelin career. Mallory did not look convinced. I unwrapped my burger. “Anything I can do to help?”

Mallory looked like she was considering my offer before she shook her head. “Not right now?”

“Well, you have my number if you change your mind.”

I wasn’t even sure what I could do to help her. We were in two different majors, and the notes in one of the notebooks looked a lot more intense than anything in my classes. I was pretty sure she was in some science field, at least judging by what I could see. And personally, I wasn’t so great at science. I might have had a lot of practice with incubus anatomy lately, but that was about as far as my knowledge went. Somehow, I didn’t think that I’d find anything about Cam’s anatomy on the pages of her notebook.

At least I hoped not. The very idea made a small green monster roar in my gut.

I took a few bites of my burger and sat in silence, looking up every few minutes to see if Cam had arrived yet. I was halfway through my burger when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out and found a message from Cam, saying that he wasn’t able to make it to lunch. He had to work with a group on something for Monster History, but he’d see me in Newspaper later.

He ended it with a heart emoji.

The little monster in my stomach exploded into a swarm of rampaging butterflies. I finished my burger and left Mallory with her half-finished sandwich and test anxiety. I made a mental note to check in on her later and went about my day, head and heart still full of thoughts about Cam, our kiss, and now the little red heart emoji at the end of his text message.

The rest of the day passed without much happening. Cam and I didn’t get to talk in the newspaper room. Ever assigned him a story that required him to do some research at the bank of computers in the corner so he could be ready for an interview with Dean Yaga. I spent most of the time watching him from across the room while I pretended to draft notes on my next incubus article. We walked back to the dorms together, but this time I had to be the one to pull away instead of sticking to hang out.

I’d promised my suite mates, Ryan and Cooper, that we’d all hang out a little and study that night. We all had different majors, but we all took the same gen ed math course and we had a test later that week. We were all struggling in the class, and figured if we studied together, we might be able to figure things out together.

I was surprised to find Ethan sitting in the suite’s living room when I got there. He was in a different math class than we were, and I didn’t think he was joining us for the study session. He was welcome to sit around with us, because I’d learned that Ethan was one of those incredibly smart guys that seemed to know a little something about everything. (I’d been on his team during the welcome weekend trivia game, and he’d knocked my socks off with his random knowledge.)

“Sorry I’m late,” I apologized. I didn’t actually think I was late, but with everyone else already there, it felt that way.

Cooper looked down at his phone and shrugged. “Few minutes early, actually,” he assured me. “You did miss me and Ryan skillfully convincing Ethan to help us figure this math shit out though.”

“Were you with,” Ryan started. His face scrunched up in concentration for a moment while he paused, freezing partially through pulling a notebook out of the bag at his feet. His face broke into a smile and he gave a small nod, “Cam?” He looked proud of himself for remembering a name he’d only heard a few times.

“We just got out of newspaper. So I mean, kind of?”

Ryan nodded and began organizing his study materials on the small table in front of the uncomfortable dorm couch. “Are you two a thing?”

“A thing?” Wasn’t that the million dollar question? We liked each other. It had been established the night before, but we hadn’t put any label on it or decided to be exclusive. We just shared a kiss. That was kind of like getting together, wasn’t it? Oh god, I should have asked him the night before or when we walked back to the dorm.

I resolved that I would ask him when I finished studying. I’d go to his dorm room and start that very uncomfortable conversation.

But first, math.

“Yeah, a thing,” Ryan repeated. Okay, first this conversation. Then math. “I mean, we all read the article. We know you’re hooking up, but he came over last night and… I mean we weren’t actively trying to listen but some noises aren’t really easy to hide in a dorm. We can all tell when Coop’s having special time with his girlfriend.”

Coop’s cheeks flamed bright red. “Oh my god, Ryan!” he exclaimed. “She hasn’t even been to the dorm.”

“And yet, you’re still loud as hell when you’re on the phone with her. The walls are thin.”

Ethan’s eyes darted between our suite mates. He looked like he was about to crack up, and I refused to make eye contact with him. If I did, I knew that I’d lose it and start cracking up. Then we’d all start teasing Coop, and we’d never study for math. Meaning I’d never go get concrete answers from Cam, and we’d be trapped in this unlabeled limbo for all of eternity.

“I-I thought we were talking about Penn’s sex life right now,” Coop sputtered out.

Ethan did lose it then, and his laughter was contagious. I doubled over, laughing until my stomach ached. I forced myself to take a deep breath and calm down. We were on a mission. I was on a mission.

“Aren’t we supposed to be doing math ?” I reminded them. I didn’t want to talk about this with them, because I didn’t have any answers to their questions.

“We are,” Ryan chirped. “Meaning the sooner you answer the question, the sooner Ethan can explain all of the math stuff that we can’t grasp and we can all be free.”

“To discuss Coop’s sex life,” Ethan teased.

“Or yours?” Coop shot back.

“I don’t have a sex life to talk about,” Ethan pointed out with a shrug. He turned his dark eyes on me. “So are you and Cam a thing?”

“I think? I mean, maybe. Yes? I… I don’t know.” God, I sounded like an idiot. I took a deep breath and looked up at three pairs of imploring eyes. “We like each other. A lot. That’s why he came over yesterday. To tell me that he liked me.”

“And you like him back?” Ethan asked, leaning forward a little bit.

“I do.” I could answer that one without any hesitancy. “Every time we hang out, I like him more. He’s sweet. He’s funny.” He made me feel really safe when that guy was harassing me about my article, but I didn’t want to talk to my roommates about that. I didn’t want them thinking that my articles were going to put them in any danger, because I didn’t think they were. Sure, people were still whispering a little around campus, but it would blow over.

Things like this always did.

“And you two are hooking up, right? You’re feeding him?”

“Yeah. In exchange for information for my articles.”

“Are you sure that’s not why you like him?” Ethan asked. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I’ve heard that incubi and succubi can manipulate your feelings. Especially when they’re feeding off of you. Are you sure he’s not doing that?”

I had never heard of that, and it didn’t match anything that Cam had told me about feeding. He’d fed off of Ryder for years, and they’d never caught feelings. At least, not that Cam had told me. “I don’t think it’s like that.”

“But how can you be sure?”

“I guess I can’t.” Oh god, was Ethan right? I drew in a deep breath. “Where… where did you hear about this?” As a good journalist, I couldn’t just ignore potential information because it didn’t suit what I wanted to hear. That wasn’t being open to the truth. If nothing else, I could hear him out.

It was probably nothing anyway.

“I had a friend last year at my first college,” Ethan began. “She met an incubus at a club and let him feed off of her. She was basically obsessed with him after a few weeks and a few feedings. Then he left her high and dry, and she was really messed up. When I talked to her about him, she’d just talk about how amazing he was, but she couldn’t really tell me anything about him. It was like she was high on him or something.”

High on him.

Feeding did give the illusion of intoxication.

Did that do something to my feelings for Cam? Was I maybe addicted to the feeding high? Was that all that it was?

“Penn?” Ethan’s voice was quieter this time. I’d only known him for a little over a month, but I didn’t have to know him long to hear the concern in every syllable. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” I lied. “But I know the high feeling you’re talking about. It’s part of the energy exchange. You just… I don’t know, you gave me something to think about.”

It wasn’t something that I wanted to think about, but I owed it to myself and to my feelings for Cam to figure it out. To examine those questions and research them, to figure out if they were real or if they were based off of the high. I’d never been the type to get addicted to things, but what if this was different. What if I was getting addicted to that feeling, and I was confusing it for a crush?

I hated the thought. I hated feeling like I didn’t know my own heart or that I wasn’t in control over my thoughts.

I really hated the idea that what I felt for him might not be real. That it might be something manufactured by what Cam was, not who he was. “I’ll do some research tonight. Maybe I can find answers.” Not that the information I’d found online had been that reliable when I was figuring out things about Cam’s species in the first place, but there might be something I’d missed in my research.

If not, then it looked like I’d found my next article. I could use that as a reason to ask Cam these questions and get some answers about my feelings toward him.

I felt like I owed it to both of us. Before we could put a label on this thing between us, I had to know that it was real. I could feel my resolve strengthening. I would get answers.

But before that, I would study for this stupid math test. I pulled out my textbook and we all got to work.