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Chapter Twenty

Nate

Uncalled for. That phrase played on repeat, barely a pause between the words. Past decisions were really coming back to bite me in the ass. Maybe I deserved it for keeping the truth from Perry. Hell, the man I loved practically worshiped the ground Malcom Johnson walked on.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and hated myself for that thought and the jealousy it brought. Perry wasn’t in love with Malcom. I held his heart, and he held mine. I was being an idiot. I just wished acknowledging my idiocy rectified it as easily.

When I remained silent, Perry walked around me, standing with his fisted hands on his hips and chin lifted. With my head bent, Perry didn’t have to crane his neck as much as usual to stare into my eyes.

It was fascinating watching his ire shift to worried concern. “Hey, talk to me. You always tell me not to hold things in. That works both ways.”

Logically, I knew he was right. What I also knew was that I couldn’t keep hiding the truth. Perry deserved to know. Today’s incident proved it. Did I know for certain Willie Slater was the one who’d take a pot-shot at us? No. Did I think the chances were greater than 90 percent? Hell yes. This wasn’t how I wanted to clue Perry in, not that I really had a strategic game plan on that either. This was going to hurt us both, but I knew who would bear the brunt of the pain, and it wouldn’t be me.

Exhaling, I gathered Perry into my arms and hugged the shit out of him. “I love you.” They were the only words I could gather. They were the only words that mattered.

Perry’s arms wrapped around me and held me just as close. “I love you too. I’m sorry you were scared, but—”

“I know,” I said, cutting him off. I didn’t think I could remain sane if I heard Perry tell me one more time that I’d been out of line when I’d told Malcom this was all his fault. Squeezing my eyes shut, I steeled my determination and said, “There are some things we need to talk about. Some things I should have—”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

I swear the blood immediately drained from my head. Pulling back, I held Perry at arm’s length and answered “Never. God, that is not what I meant to imply.”

Arms crossed, Perry gave a firm nod. Now that I’d gotten over my shock, I could see that he wasn’t upset. “Then stop stressing about whatever it is you need to tell me. As long as I’ve still got you in my life, it will be okay.”

This man . My body slumped as if I was a puppet and someone had cut all my strings with a single snip. “God, I love you.” Cradling Perry’s face between my palms, I leaned down and tasted his lips. I didn’t care if Willie hadn’t been aiming to kill. If Perry had moved to the side, if he’d been closer to the edge of the canoe, if a piece of the shattered canoe had enough momentum to dig deep enough and hit a major artery… Any one of those scenarios could have stolen these lips from me, this mind from me, this deep compassion and even deeper capacity for love. Willie could have easily taken this brilliant man from the world, wiped Perry’s existence off the map, and the world would have been all the poorer for it.

Needing air, Perry pulled away. His eyes were still closed when he whispered, “I love you too.” They were the same words we’d spoken earlier, and yet they’d gained weight and mass.

Resting our foreheads together, I gathered all my fractured mental pieces and threw a roll of duct tape around them. I’d add some Gorilla Glue to the mix later.

Perry and I needed to talk, but this wasn’t the place for it. Other groups of kayakers were rolling in. Our damaged canoe had been removed from the shore and whisked off to who knows where. I hadn’t even had the chance to examine it and see if the bullet was there. I guess that just proved my concern for Perry overshadowed my cop instincts.

“Let’s head back to the cabin. We need to clean your wounds, get something to eat, and have an overdue talk.”

“I’m not going to like this, am I?”

Skimming my fingers along Perry’s bare arms, I reached his hand and held on tight. “No, sweetheart, I’m afraid you’re not. I’m also afraid you’re going to be very angry with me.”

“Great,” Perry mumbled. He winced when he stepped away from me.

“Knee, canoe shrapnel, head, or something else?” I’d been going on instinct when I slammed Perry’s body into the bottom of the canoe. There was a pretty good chance I’d hurt him worse than the bullet that ripped through our canoe.

Perry’s wary grin and shoulder shrug said it was probably a combination of all those things. When he answered a simple “yes,” I knew I was right.

Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I tugged him against my wet body. We were both pretty disgusting, and a shower would most likely be the best place to start.

“Even with the blood running down my leg, I still think you’re grosser than me.”

My chest rumbled with my chuckle. “I think you’re right. My feet in particular.” I hadn’t brought wet shoes with me and hadn’t planned on getting in the water today. I’d worn tennis shoes and socks, and they now felt like lead weights.

“Come on. Let’s go get cleaned up. We’ll get something to eat, and then we’ll sit down and have a long ch—”

“Have you seen Dr. Schroder?” Delia’s voice carried as she descended the steps to the landing site quickly. Delia’s eyes skimmed over Perry’s body, focusing on the bloody trails down his right thigh. A slight eyebrow pinch was the only indication she gave that it bothered her.

I’d been about to take a step forward but eased back into my heels and said, “Not since she passed us at the beginning of the course.” I glanced down at Perry and asked, “You?”

“No. Just like you, she flew past us at the beginning. Has she not shown up yet?” Perry sounded one part curious and two parts concerned.

Delia’s lips thinned. “No. She hasn’t.” Gaze shifting upriver, Delia stared at the moving water. “She stopped at the halfway point because she had to use the facilities.”

Perry and I shared a disbelieving look. Like every other activity, this one had been a competition and my understanding was that Dr. Schroder was very much invested in winning. Maybe I’d read the woman wrong because stopping to pee would have put her significantly behind.

Delia’s fingers tapped a vicious rhythm along her thigh. “I don’t like this,” she said. “Dr. Schroder should be here by now.”

“Maybe…” Perry licked his lips. “Maybe she’s not feeling well, and it took her longer in the restroom.”

“Perhaps,” Delia answered but her tone didn’t support a true belief.

Stepping out of my arms, Perry walked to Delia and offered, “Do you want us to help look for her?”

The first rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. It was low, barely a whispered threat. With the overhead trees, I couldn’t see the horizon well enough to know just how close the storm was or if it was headed our way. The first volley of storms would most likely be spotty as they preceded the cold front moving in.

Delia’s facial features softened. “No. I think we can handle things. I heard about what happened.” All the gentleness fled Delia’s expression. “You’ve been through enough today, and I don’t know that it’s safe for you to be out and about.”

Perry chewed on his bottom lip. “But if something’s wrong and you need help, then—”

“Then we have most of Maverick Insurance employees here to aid the search. Like you said, I’m sure she’s fine.” Delia’s smile was brittle, and Perry appeared doubtful.

“You don’t think Willie… I mean, do you think he’d do something to Dr. Schroder?” Turning to me, Perry’s eyes were wide, concerned pools of blue. “This isn’t your jurisdiction, Nate. Should we call in the local authorities?”

Delia answered before I could. “I think it’s a little early for that. Let us work on finding Dr. Schroder first. You just take care of yourself.”

Perry wasn’t mollified. “I don’t want you out there either, Delia. The things Willie said to you, the way he treated you… I don’t like it. I know I’m his main target, but—”

Delia cut Perry off with a gentle press of her lips to his forehead. “Sweet Perry. Do not worry about me.” I don’t think I’d ever seen Delia Carpenter’s eyes so sad when she pulled away from Perry. Those forlorn eyes stared up at me as she said, “Perhaps it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. I will leave that decision and its telling up to you.”

“Delia, what—”

“I hope you can still look at me with those same trusting eyes in the future, Perry.” Trailing her fingertips along Perry’s cheek and jaw, Delia turned and jogged up the steps leading to higher ground. They were the same steps Perry and I needed to navigate.

Hands rubbing up and down his arms, Perry watched Delia bolt and asked, “What the hell’s going on, Nate? Why do I feel like Malcom and Delia keep telling me goodbye? Does this have anything to do with what you want to talk to me about?”

My sigh was long and full of regret. “I imagine so. Come on, let’s stick to the original plan. Clean up, eat, and then have a heart-to-heart.”

Perry rubbed his chest. “I’m not sure if my heart can take what you’re going to say.”

“It can and it will. You’ve got the biggest, toughest heart I know. And if that’s not enough, you can borrow mine for as long as you need. Hell, it’s not like you don’t already own it.”

I gave Perry’s elbow a little nudge. His limp was profound at first but smoothed out as he took more steps. We had enough canopy and shade that he’d taken off his mangled sunglasses and had his sun visor tucked under his arm. I thought about offering to carry it for him but decided against it. Perry would let me know if he needed help.

The trip back to the cabin seemed to take a lifetime. The rolling thunder grew closer, but a quick look at my weather app let me know this one would most likely sneak north of the park. Other bright yellow, orange, and red blips were popping up all over the map. We were in for a stormy evening.