Page 26 of Party of Three (Sapphire Cove Suite Secrets)

The fact that he’d broken a promise to Mateo didn’t even occur to Jeff until he was back in his own kitchen, bracing himself against the fridge with one hand, freshly opened beer bottle in the other.

The sense of almost instant loss had turned into a dull ache on the ride home.

Now it gained sharp edges. Edges of shame and embarrassment.

He’d looked them both right in the eye and told them he wouldn’t leave before their meeting, and he’d done precisely that.

Worse, hours had gone by and his phone was dark.

No calls, no texts. Of course not. They were probably having a celebratory dinner, crying and embracing, so overwhelmed by the joy of their unexpected family reunion that their memories of the night before and the night before that had become a dull, horny haze.

His memories of the time they’d spent together would never become that, he knew.

He’d brushed up against something unforgettable this weekend.

A sense of connection that felt perfectly right, perfectly balanced between three equally strong-willed men.

A way to love and be intimate with the man who’d filled his dreams for years, and a new love with a man who challenged him while also taking everything he had to give with a seductive, satisfied smile.

But fate had intervened, just like it had when his parents had vanished. Just like it always did when he lost his head, always with the same message. You don’t get good things when you lose control. Stay the course; stick to the plan.

Now, he had no choice but to draw comfort from his orderly and immaculate apartment, its little reminders of the life he’d built for himself.

Sure, he’d looked forward to the moment Buckley might rib him over his meticulously organized storage room, with its shelves of neatly labeled baskets containing everything from cleaning supplies to car parts. But that moment would never come.

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, he’d be back on base, surrounded by deference and respect and Marines he’d know better than to fall for. Their boyfriends included.

Walking out of Sapphire Cove was the right choice. The lack of text messages on his phone was proof.

He’d finished off a second beer and was halfway through a Top Gun: Maverick rewatch when there was a knock on his front door.

It was loud.

And it was angry.

As soon as he saw Mateo and Buckley standing on his front stoop, everything felt suddenly reversed. It was the last few hours since he’d left Sapphire Cove that felt vague and unreal, not the passion-filled days before. Those were suddenly vivid and overpowering once more.

Then Mateo shoved him.

It wasn’t hard enough to knock him back more than a step. The surprise of it caught him off guard, not the force.

The man who’d dominated his fantasies and dreams for a year and a half took a step inside without being invited, eyes blazing with an anger Jeff had never seen in them before.

“Courage is the mental, moral, and physical strength ingrained in Marines. It carries us through the challenges of combat and aids in overcoming fear. It is the inner strength that enables us to do what is right, to adhere to a higher standard of personal conduct and to make tough decisions under stress and pressure.”

Jeff backed up another step, which allowed Buckley to step inside behind his boyfriend and pull the front door shut. They were both dressed as they’d been that morning when he’d left.

And Mateo wasn’t done. “Honor guides Marines to exemplify the ultimate in ethical and moral behavior. Never lie , never cheat or steal; abide by an uncompromising code of integrity; respect human dignity and respect others. Honor compels Marines to act responsibly, to fulfill our obligations and to hold ourselves and others accountable for every action.”

“Yeah, I’m actually still a Marine. I don’t need the Core Values read to me.”

“You kinda do, actually,” Buckley said.

“Because you lied to us,” Mateo said.

“And then you ran out of there like a little bitch. And news flash. I’m the only little bitch in this relationship.” Buckley held several pieces of paper in his right hand. “Also, you need to be better about deleting your files off shared computers. Just sayin’.”

His agenda. Christ. He’d been so nervous about risking his heart he’d just left it there, sitting on the screen.

And Buckley had found it because they’d gone looking for him.

But the remark did little to defuse the tension.

And Jeff was caught between revealing how happy he was that they’d come and defending his decision to jet earlier that day.

“How’d it go with your parents?” Jeff asked.

Mateo folded his arms across his chest. “They’re expecting you at Christmas.”

His ears were deceiving him. They had to be. Swallowing twice didn’t dissolve the lump in his throat. His vision of the two men in front of him went wobbly. He blinked madly.

“Unless you have other plans,” Buckley finally said. “And other boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends,” Jeff whispered.

Buckley rustled the papers in his hands again, a thousand-some-odd words of Jeff’s anxious list making.

He’d put it right there in black and white.

He wanted them both. To himself. Then he’d made a quick getaway.

Combined, both facts made him feel less like a man and more like a terrified, lovesick boy being given a chance at something he’d never tasted before.

“I thought it would be too much to ask…” he finally said, but then the words left him.

“Of who?” Buckley said.

“I don’t know. All of us. Your parents. I knew I didn’t want to do it halfway or casual. And I just… I thought it would be too much. I’ve always felt like…” The prospect of finishing that sentence hurt his chest.

Buckley was softening. Mateo was still rigid and angry, lips pursed, nostrils flaring.

“Well,” Buckley finally said, “a very wise and beautiful man said to me recently that it’s hard to walk beside someone if you’re always putting everybody else’s needs ahead of your own. I guess that applies to two someones as well.”

To Mateo, he said, “You really told your parents you’re with…two men?”

“This Father Jones thing has them reeling. I’ve never seen them this humbled. I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity.”

Buckley whispered, “I kinda thought he should ask for a check, too, but it wasn’t my decision.”

“How’d you put it?” Jeff asked. “I mean, how did you describe me?”

“I told them I was in love with two men and so was Buckley, and all three of us would be there at the holidays or none of us would be.”

Jeff shook his head in disbelief. His voice was a croak. “You said that even after you knew I’d left?”

“I said it because you’d left. And I knew why.”

“Because I didn’t want to get in the way,” Jeff whispered.

“Close, but not quite.”

Still getting used to this confidence out of his former junior Marine, Jeff studied the man a few feet away.

“Your uncle, the day it was clear your parents weren’t coming back, that shitty thing he said to you and your sister…”

For an instant, it was like he was standing in the headlight of an oncoming train.

A few deep breaths brought warmth to his limbs, to his extremities, and the headlight turned into a glow that haloed all three of them.

He’d told Mateo plenty about his background over the years.

The younger man had listened, nodding, but had rarely said anything in response, as if he thought it wasn’t his space to offer his thoughts on the older man’s difficult past. But he’d been listening to him.

He’d been learning about him. He’d been loving him.

“He blamed you for breaking up your family ’cause he couldn’t face that your parents were both addicts.

Ever since, you’ve made it your job to keep things together.

I mean, Christ, you used to pop wood every time you used the words unit cohesion.

But this thing, this amazing, beautiful thing, what the three of us did this weekend, you can’t keep that together by walking away. ”

Suddenly Jeff was having trouble standing. Mateo and Buckley had risked being reunited with Mateo’s family for him. For the three of them. For what they’d started this weekend.

Outside of a combat situation, he couldn’t remember the last time someone had gone to bat for him like this, put it all on the line when the stakes were this high. “I lied to you. I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t walk out and then…I walked out.”

“That’s not all you did.” Buckley’s sharp-edged accusation was softened by the fact that he was curving an arm gently around Jeff’s lower back.

“And you better never do it again.” Mateo’s nose was inches from his, his breath tickling Jeff’s lips. “Don’t ever take away another chance for us to love you.”

His eyes drifted shut as Mateo’s lips met his.

Then they were guiding him into the bedroom.

They undressed him gently, unhurriedly, and when the three of them sank down to the comforter together he felt like his bones might meld with the mattress.

He felt as if his body were coming to a kind of rest it had never known.

Deluding himself into believing fear was actually good sense required a lot of energy, and when it left his body, it seemed to take every ounce of tension with it, a swift departure that made clear how punishing the effort had been to his muscles, his skin, his beating heart.

He gave himself to them, to their stroking hands and their searching, hungry mouths.

To their tenacity and their courage and their belief that their wild weekend could become everything he hoped it could be.

He felt like a cross between a fallen warrior whose wounds were being expertly tended to and a bitter old man infused with the confidence and spirit of youth.

He wanted to cry with relief, with joy, but he kept his tears at bay until later that night.

He was giving them a little tour of his place. When Buckley saw his meticulously organized storage room, his jaw fell open and his blue eyes widened. “Babe, I think we should come clean and admit we’re only using Jeff for his ten thousand micro screws arranged by thread diameter.”

He managed to wipe away the tear before either man saw it.

Such a tiny, fleeting moment, but it did him in. A few hours earlier he’d been mourning the fact that Buckley might never rib him about his storage room, and here they were. A small miracle that reminded him of the much bigger one that had just changed his life for the better.