Page 19 of Party of Three (Sapphire Cove Suite Secrets)

Chewing, both men nodded in turn. Jeff dabbed at his lips with his napkin and swallowed. “Buckley, what’s the one thing you love most about Mateo?”

“He’s kind. He never stops looking for ways to show me that he cares.

In the beginning, I thought he might be an act, you know.

The flowers and the gifts and the remembering our different anniversaries.

I’d never had a man treat me like I was worth that amount of effort.

That consistency. I’ve never had someone make me feel that valuable or special. ”

“Buckley,” Mateo whispered, eyes glistening.

“Alright, Mateo,” Buckley said, lacing his fingers through his under the table. “What do you love most about Jeff?”

Looking caught, as if he needed to remind himself of how far the three of them had come in such a short time, Mateo swallowed. “You mean aside from the fact that he saved my life?”

“Or in addition to,” Buckley said.

Eyes on his old crew chief, Mateo said, “He’s the kind of man I want to be. He’s a leader without being a tyrant. The world was small until I met him. I always felt safe with him even before he saved my life.”

Was Jeff about to cry? The tension in his jaw looked new. He was blinking rapidly. Fighting tears, maybe. He cleared his throat three times in quick succession. “Damn, Cano,” he managed in a choked voice. “What are you trying to do to me here?”

“Alright, Master Sergeant,” Mateo said. “Your turn. What do you love most about Buckley?”

Buckley looked up like a gun had gone off, genuinely shocked that Mateo had phrased the question about him and not himself. “Babe. I don’t know if that’s fair. We just met.”

Undeterred, Jeff said, “He’s strong. He doesn’t get put off by other people’s bullshit.

Including mine. Last night when we were dancing together, when I couldn’t scare him off with my hard- ass routine, I realized he was exactly who I’d want next to me if I was hurt.

Exactly who I’d want holding my hand if I’d broken a bone. ”

Breathless, Buckley felt rooted to his chair, in thrall to the older man’s sincerity and his gaze.

“And he’s got a sweet fucking pussy,” Jeff added.

Before he realized he’d thrown it at him, Buckley’s napkin hit Jeff square in the chest. Grinning like the Joker, the man caught it in one hand.

Mateo was laughing too. And so was Buckley.

Maybe they could both feel it. Jeff Braxton was melting, softening.

Smiling like he hadn’t smiled the night before.

Playing and teasing in a way that matched Buckley step for step.

“How would you know?” Mateo finally said. “You haven’t tasted it yet.”

“We’re going to fix that real soon. But first, how about some beach time? Too bad I didn’t bring my board.”

Instantly, Jeff seemed to realize his mistake. His smile vanished, replaced by flaring nostrils and a tense jaw. Suddenly he was staring at Mateo like he was afraid the guy might fall apart right there.

Adam’s apple bobbing, lips furrowed, Mateo stared down at his plate as he moved lettuce around with his fork.

Jeff looked like he was about to apologize for suggesting an afternoon of surfing to a man who’d almost drowned, but just then, Mateo jerked his head up and with a big beaming smile and said, “We could go swimming.”

“You sure, babe?” Buckley asked.

Avoiding Buckley’s eyes, Mateo shoveled a dangerously large bite of salad into his mouth. “Yeah, it’d be fun,” he said between barn-animal-sized chews. “I mean, it’s warm enough out, right?”

“I don’t have a suit,” Jeff said. “Maybe a hike or something. Do they have trails here?”

“I don’t know if there’re any on the property, but they’ve got some nearby,” Buckley added. “I could see if there’s a shuttle that—”

“No, no,” Mateo said, shoveling food into his mouth. “You’re my size. I think I brought two.”

Jeff licked his lips and swallowed. “It’s fine, Mateo. Don’t worry about it.”

“Come on. It’s a beach resort. We can’t not go to the beach.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Wassa matter, Master Sergeant? Worried I’m going to try to squeeze you into a Speedo. They’re board shorts. Promise. They won’t make you look gaaaaaaay .”

Mateo smiled at both of them in turn, the kind of big, forced smile he gave people when he was nervous or hiding something. Then he announced he had to go to the bathroom and suddenly he was gone.

“I feel like a fucking idiot,” Jeff said after he was gone.

“Don’t.”

“Has he even been surfing since the accident?”

Buckley shook his head. “Won’t even get in a pool.”

“And now he wants to go swimming in the ocean? What’s going on here?”

“I think he’s trying to impress you.”

“Well, that’s the last thing he needs to do.”

“Who knows? Maybe it’ll work. It’s a weekend for trying new things, right?”

Jeff raised one eyebrow. “So you think we fucked him out of his PTSD?”

“You said that out loud, you know?”

Jeff winked at him. “I got a mouth that matches yours, firecracker.”

“Maybe we keep quiet and follow his lead,” Buckley finally said. “It’s kind of the only choice I’ve had when it comes to this.”

Under the table, Jeff caressed Buckley’s knee. His eyes filled with an openness and compassion he’d yet to see in them, and suddenly he had no trouble understanding how this man had made Mateo feel safe even before he’d stopped his plummet into the ocean depths.

“How bad is it?” Jeff asked gently. “I mean, you took the dimmers out at the house. He won’t even get in a pool. Is it coming up in other ways?”

Buckley hesitated. Mateo had begged him not to talk to his sister about it because she’d be all over him with holistic suggestions and supplements and phone numbers for LA psychics.

With Mateo’s parents out of the picture, that meant Buckley had discussed these issues with no one.

“Elevators are out too. He’s set off two fire alarms at school trying to take the stairs. ”

Closing his eyes, Jeff squeezed Buckley’s knee tighter, as if absorbing this little piece of news like a blow. And Buckley felt a surge of relief. For the first time, he wasn’t alone with his gnawing worry for the man he loved.

“Let’s do like you said,” Jeff finally said. “Let’s follow his lead.”

Mateo returned to the table, gesturing for the server to bring them the bill.

They did what they’d agreed to do and followed Mateo’s lead all the way back to the villa. They changed hurriedly, Mateo talking a mile a minute about nothing in particular while Buckley and Jeff smiled and nodded and exchanged worried looks.

Sapphire Cove had a little crescent of private beach hemmed in by rocky cliff faces.

The only land access was a twisting wooden staircase that descended the cliff from the lawn outside the hotel’s ballrooms. Mateo took it several steps at a time, whooping and hollering like a sports fan entering a crowded arena before the big game.

They didn’t bother reserving any of the umbrella-shaded wooden loungers.

Instead, they laid their towels down not too far from the surf’s foamy edge.

Buckley was relieved to see it was a relatively calm day.

No real whitecaps, just gentle swells breaking with a soft whooshing sound close to the shore.

Still, the whole thing made him feel like he was being jerked along by a speeding train with no brakes, even though everything about this felt rushed and wrong.

Then Mateo ran into the ocean, Jeff following.

Buckley did the same, diving under as soon as the water came up to his waist. When he broke the surface, he saw Mateo swimming a few yards ahead.

Treading water now, his boyfriend turned toward them, smiling as big as he had during their race to the beach.

For a second, Buckley thought it would work.

That Jeff’s return and their hours of passion had healed Mateo’s paralyzing fear of the place he’d once loved—the ocean.

Then he was gone.

Buckley stood suddenly, surprised to find the water only waist deep. “ Mateo! ” His voice betrayed the fear he’d been fighting ever since they’d left the brunch table. Jeff was a few yards away, staring back at the shore.

Shoulders slumped, head slightly bowed, Mateo was emerging from the water, making a beeline for their stuff. He toweled himself off, movements frenzied, more dabs than swipes. Like the droplets of water were hurting his skin.

“Babe?” Buckley called after him as he pursued. He heard the splashes of Jeff moving through the water next to him.

“I’m fine.” Mateo’s croak didn’t sound remotely fine.

But he wouldn’t look at them and his nostrils were flaring, his lips parted with heavy breaths that lifted his back.

“You two have fun,” he said quickly. “I’m gonna…go up to the room and…”

“Hey, Cano. Maybe we sit for a bit and catch our breath,” Jeff asked.

“No, I’m going up. It’s fine.” He sounded like the Mateo he’d first met, bashful and quiet but also constantly tense.

He’d tried to pole vault over his worst fear and been knocked backward in an instant, and all Buckley wanted to do was throw his arms around him.

But Mateo was already walking across the sand in his flip-flops, one arm raised behind him as if he was trying to bid them good-bye and freeze them in place with the same gesture.

His vision blurred. By the time Mateo was halfway up the steps, he was blinking back tears.

“I hate this,” he whispered. “I wish he’d get angry, you know?

Or lash out. But all he does is get so hurt and embarrassed, and it breaks my heart every time.

I mean, the ocean’s one thing, but he had a job interview with a private security firm in Irvine a few weeks ago.

It was on the seventh floor, and the building wouldn’t let him take the stairs.

He was so humiliated he didn’t go. Never told them why, either.

That’s not like him at all, but what’s he gonna do?

Tell a security company he’s too afraid to ride an elevator? ”

“Is he talking to anyone? Any therapists?”

“I’ve tried three. One was this rapid eye movement therapy clinic.

He called it science fiction stuff, but it’s shown results with trauma victims. He kept bailing on the first appointment.

The other two were on his insurance plan, talk therapy.

He bailed after two sessions with each. Said it was too touchy feely. ”

“Has he talked to any of his old Marine friends about this?”

Buckley shook his head. Then he felt Jeff take his hand.

“Come on,” the older man said, and in a tone that brooked no argument. “Let’s go. I’ve got this.”