Page 2 of Party Favors

Wren:Bullshit.

Amanda:Yep. You win some, you lose some. I seem to lose most.

September

Wren:I missed you while you were on vacation.

Wren:That’s a dumb thing to say, huh?

Wren:It’s not like we see each other every day or anything, but we usually talk every day. And I missed you.

Wren:Blah. Ignore me. I’m hungover.

Amanda: *Passes the virtual Tylenol and greasy eggs*

Amanda:I missed you too.

December

Wren:Ready for recent Tinder pickup lines?

Wren:This one is from Kyle, 28. He wrote, “If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit between the holidays?”

Amanda:OMG. Did you block him?

Wren:No. I told him, “Only if you do it mouth first.”

Wren:He agreed, but this time of year is busy, so he hasn’t gotten a chance to prove himself.

Amanda:My mother gave a man my number because she is super helpful. (Eyeroll) He sent me this text yesterday: “Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?” accompanied by a dick pic.

Wren:Oof.

Wren:What’s with the dick pics?

Wren:I want ballsack pics or nothing at all.

Amanda:LOL. I should swear off dating people my mother picks out for me next year. Maybe I’d actually get an orgasm at the hands of someone besides myself.

Wren:Ooo Ooo Ooo. New Year’s Eve resolutions for Amanda Ellis. I like this game.

Amanda:Wait, that’s not what I said.

Wren:Speed dating.

Amanda:…

Wren:More sex toys.

Wren:Hire one of those matchmakers for rich people.

Amanda:Wren! OMG.

Wren:I’m proud of that last one.

Wren:More sex toys.

Amanda:You already said that.