Page 90 of Palm South University: Season 3

“TO OUR BRAND NEWcap-ee-tan and fearless leader, Erin ‘Ex’ Xanders,” Jess says, lifting her margarita high in the air. “May you still remember how to party even in your role of responsibility.”

“Here, here!” Skyler cheers, and the rest of the girls lift their glasses with a laugh as I do the same.

“Seriously, congratulations, Grand Big. I’m so proud of you.” Cassie smiles, taking a sip of her drink before reaching for a chip.

“Thank you, guys. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

With elections and finals being over, it only made sense for all of us to get together one last time for margaritas and queso before going our separate ways for winter break. It’s tradition, spending the last hours of each semester together, and just like every other time, we’re all leaving PSU with a little more growth under our belts.

After having my complete meltdown with Clinton at Semi-formal, I finally feel like I’ve completely shut down, like I’ve blocked out that part of my life and looked into the future. Getting revenge didn’t help me feel better, but I’m convinced that letting it all go and leaving it behind will. So, now that I’m president, I know I’ll have plenty of other things to focus on.

Unlocking my phone as Skyler tells the girls about her poker tournament schedule for the break, I read over the unsent text I typed out to Clinton last night.

- I’m sorry for how I acted, I know you’re just trying to help. Please… let me handle this the way I need to. It’s not your mess to clean up. -

My thumb hovers over the send button and I finally push it, locking my phone as soon as the text is sent.

“How are you holding up, Jess?” Skyler asks, switching the focus of conversation off of her. “It looked like you had fun with Greg at the dance.”

“I did,” Jess answers quickly, stirring the ice in her nearly empty glass. “He’s really nice. I’ll be fine, it’s not like I expected me and Jarrett to last forever.”

We all exchange glances, landing back on Jess with a deadpan expression.

“What?!” She huffs. “I’m serious. It’s fine, guys. Cassie has more of a right to be upset than me right now.”

It’s a shady attempt to change the subject again but it works, Skyler rubbing Cassie’s back. “She’s going to stay with me for a few days before heading home for break.”

“You guys going up to your parents’ place?” I ask Skyler.

She nods. “Yeah, we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.”

Cassie looks like absolute hell, like she hasn’t slept or eaten in weeks. Her face is pale, dark circles dulling her usually bright green eyes. “It just makes me sick to think about, you know?” she says softly. “He would be with her, touching her, and then lie in bed with me. It just feels so personal…”

All of us wince at her confession, reaching out to squeeze her arm or rub her back.

“He’s an asshole, and he doesn’t deserve you,” Ashlei says. “He’s just proof that some guys never stop playing games.”

Cassie swallows. “It was never a game to me. I feel so stupid.”

“Don’t,” I chime in. “Don’t let a boy make you feel stupid. Ever.”

Cassie nods, the table silent now. We take turns sipping from our glasses or eating chips, all of us thinking about our own games we’ve played over the years, and the battle wounds they’ve left behind.

A text from Clinton pings on my phone and I glance down, relieved that he responded.

- Okay, Ex. Have a good winter break. Call me anytime. -

- I will, and you, too, Bear. XO. -

“In other news,” Ashlei says as I tuck my phone back in my purse. “Okay, Cooloffered me an extension on my internship. I’ll be going back again next semester!”

“What?!” Jess and I say in unison. “That’s amazing!”

“Congrats, Lei. That’s a big deal,” Skyler chimes in.

“Thank you. I’m really excited,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear with a blush. “It’s going to be hard, balancing everything again, but I think I can do it.”

“I know you can,” Jess says, hoisting up her glass again. “Looks like we need another toast!”

We all lift our glasses with a laugh, and Jess clears her throat.

“To this amazing group of bad-ass lady bosses conquering the world and taking absolute zero shit,” she says, looking all of us in the eyes. “You bitches inspire me, and I love every single one of you.”

“Cheers!”

As I clink my glass with theirs, I feel myself shedding the final layers of my old self, settling into the new Erin Xanders. And maybe that’s what that scarred skin was — it was old skin, skin that needed to be shed to find my true self. I’m not scared anymore, and I’m not giving up on me, either. Maybe I just need to toughen up, to stop putting everyone else before me and start focusing on number one.

I will not be defined by what has happened to me, only by what I do to overcome it.

This is it — this is what I’ve been working for my entire college career. I’m going to be president of Kappa Kappa Beta, and as far as I’m concerned, my new story begins right now.