Page 18 of Pain (Kiss of Death MC #6)

Nadine

When everyone left, Pain shut and locked the door to the clinic. He didn’t immediately turn back to me, but rested one hand on the frame before thumping his head against the door he’d just closed.

“Pain?”

He took a breath before turning to pin me with his piercing gaze. The fear and anguish I saw in his eyes made my heart stutter. I’d never seen him look so devastated.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” he said, his voice raw. “When that bastard tased you a second time…”

I tried to sit up, wincing as my muscles protested. “I’m okay. Really.”

“No, you’re not.” Pain crossed the room in three long strides, his hands gentle as they cupped my face. “You’re hurt, and it’s because of me. Because I brought you into this life.”

“I chose to be here,” I whispered, reaching up to stroke his beard. My fingers trembled slightly from the aftereffects of the taser. “You didn’t force me.”

Pain’s jaw tightened, his eyes darkening. “You didn’t sign up for this. Being attacked by corrupt cops wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Neither was being attacked by Grayson, but you saved me then, just like you would have saved me today if you could.” I managed a weak smile. “Besides, I think I held my own pretty well.”

A choked sound escaped him, something between a laugh and a sob. “Jesus Christ, woman. You’re going to be the fuckin’ death of me.”

We shared a quiet moment. Pain sat on the edge of the gurney and leaned in to rest his forehead against mine for a long moment. When he was ready, instead of sitting up, he moved down to lay his head on my chest. It wasn’t anything sexual. He needed the comfort as much as I did.

“When I saw you on the ground…” Pain clenched his jaw tightly and took another deep breath.

“I couldn’t get to you. I was right there, and I couldn’t --” Again he clenched his jaw.

I threaded my fingers through his hair and massaged his scalp, trying to do something -- anything -- to give him some kind of peace.

“I’ve never wanted to kill someone so badly in my fuckin’ life.

If Knuckles hadn’t stopped me, I would have, too.

I’d have ripped his Goddamned head off with my fuckin’ hands. ”

I believed him. I’d seen the look in his eyes just before Roscoe tased me the second time. It was a primal, animalistic rage he was still reeling from, the same as I was.

“I saw you,” I confessed softly. “I see you now, too.”

He didn’t move. “What do you see when you look at me, Nadine? Please tell me.”

I had to smile. It really was this simple. “I see… a man who loves me.” He stiffened in my arms. “So you should know, I’m the woman who loves you.”

Pain’s head snapped up, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that stole my breath. For a moment, he just stared, like he couldn’t believe what I’d said.

“Say that again,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion.

My heart hammered against my ribs, but I held his gaze. “I love you, Ford Raven. I love you… Pain.”

He made a sound deep in his throat before capturing my mouth with his. The kiss was desperate, hungry, full of all the fear and relief we’d both been struggling with. His hands framed my face like I was something precious, something he was afraid might break or disappear.

When he ended the kiss, I took a breath. I needed to finish this before I couldn’t because I was about to bare my soul.

“I love you, Pain.” I had to say them again -- the words felt right, natural and true.

“I think I’ve been falling for you since Terre Haute, but today, seeing you helpless to reach me and seeing how much it tore you apart…

” I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to waste any more time pretending this isn’t exactly where I’m meant to be. ”

“You caught my attention when I first met you as a volunteer. Not in a sexual way, but in the way you treated people. I’ve loved you since the first day you walked into that infirmary,” he confessed.

“Watching how you were to all the inmates you interacted with, seeing that fierce compassion you showed patients and family at the hospital instead of treating them with disrespect… Christ, Nadine. You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met. You have no idea what you do to me.”

He kissed me again, soft and reverent at first, like he was afraid I might break. But when I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, the kiss changed. Something snapped in him, and suddenly his mouth was devouring mine with a hunger that matched the ache building inside me.

“I need you,” I whispered against his lips. “Take me home, Pain.”

He pulled back just enough to search my face. “You sure you’re up for that? You’re hurt.”

I smiled up at him. “I’m sore, Pain, not broken.

” I ran my fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair.

The silky strands were a gentle reminder of our age difference.

It also reminded me he’d have vastly more experience than me in every aspect of life.

Maybe it should bother me, but I found it oddly comforting to know he could take care of everything.

“And right now, I need to feel alive. I need to feel you touching me.”

A low growl rumbled in his chest as he carefully lifted me into his arms. “Hang onto me, baby.”

The journey back to our apartment was a blur. Pain carried me the entire way, ignoring anyone we passed. His face was set in determination, and I could feel the tension in his muscles, the controlled power as he held me against his chest.

Once inside our apartment, he kicked the door shut behind us and carried me straight to the bedroom. He laid me down on the bed with a gentleness that made my heart ache, his hands hovering over me like he was afraid to touch me.

“Let me see where he got you,” he murmured, his fingers hovering over the hem of my shirt.

I nodded, lifting my arms so he could pull off my top. His breath hissed between his teeth when he saw the round, red burn marks on my shoulder and side. He looked like it almost pained him too.

He grunted before going to the bathroom. When he returned, he had a kit that held more medical stuff than any first-aid kit I’d ever seen.

“What’s that?” I didn’t really care; I was trying to get him talking to me. He was hurting in a way I didn’t understand, and I needed him to tell me what to do to make him better.

“First-aid kit on steroids.”

“I’ll say. You’ve got everything in there but the kitchen sink.” It was true. There were various kinds and sizes of bandages as well as medicine, from injectable stuff to pills and creams.

This time, he gave me a small grin. “Yep. It’s my jump kit. I’ve always got something with me for emergencies. This is my backup. I swap them out every few months as things are ready to expire.”

“Really good idea.” I smiled back at him, hoping this was him getting back to normal via his medical background.

When he focused on my wounds, he winced, using a clean cloth to gently clean the small punctures as well as the burn. He used some kind of cream on the area before he covered it with a non-stick bandage.

After he finished, he closed his jump kit and set it on the floor.

Then he sat back on the bed and took one of my hands in his.

He brought my palm to his mouth, kissing the center before he put my hand on his chest and held it there with both of his.

The tenderness of the gesture made my heart ache.

“I went to prison for killing a guy in a bar fight.”

OK, that caught me off guard. “What?”

“I was at a bar with a girl I was seeing,” he continued, not answering me but I honestly wasn’t sure he was completely with me in that moment.

“It was our first date. I didn’t love her.

Wasn’t even sure I liked her. She was a nurse I worked with in the OR and I was letting her think she was playing me.

” The corner of his lips lifted in a humorless smile.

“Anyway, we were at the bar and a drunk cowboy kept hittin’ on her.

She’d gone to the bathroom and on her way back he grabbed her, pulled her into his arms to dance.

” Pain frowned, his thumb rubbing over the back of my hand absently.

“She struggled but he wouldn’t let her go, so I intervened.

I mean, I wasn’t gonna try to force her away from the guy if she didn’t want me to.

But she shoved at him.” He looked down, shaking his head slightly.

“Anyway, I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him off her. One thing led to another and I got the last punch in. Only he fell, hit his head, and caved in his skull.”

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry, Pain,” I whispered, my heart going out to him.

“I’d have done the same thing. I don’t regret my actions.

I regret I killed someone. So I did my time without complaint.

But, when I was being held down today, when you were lying there looking at me with so much pain in your eyes…

” He took in a shuddering breath, his grip on my hand tightening.

“I went to prison defending Sonda.” He met my gaze then.

I could see darkness swirling there. That’s when I realized there was nothing in the world this man wouldn’t do to protect me.

Nothing. No matter the consequences. “I’ve never felt more helpless in my life than I did when I looked at the man I’d just killed defending a woman I wasn’t even sure I fucking liked.

Until today. So make really fuckin’ sure I’m the bastard you want.

Because I will rule you, Nadine. If it means keeping you safe and with me, I’m afraid there is nothing I wouldn’t do. ”

His words should have scared me, but the truth was I felt the same way about him. I’d run out of the clinic into the yard because I had to help him. Looking back, even knowing I’d get tased -- or worse -- I’d have done the exact same thing.

“I know. I told you before. I see you. I see you . I’m right here. Still breathing. Not terribly hurt. I’m still here. I’m still yours.”