Page 12 of Pain (Kiss of Death MC #6)

Pain

Her tears hit me like a fucking sledgehammer to the chest. I couldn’t stand it.

Couldn’t stand seeing this strong, beautiful woman broken down because of what that piece of shit did to her.

My hands clenched into fists as I watched her shoulders shake with sobs, and all I could think about was how I should have made Grayson’s death slower.

More painful. The bastard got off easy with a quick snap of the neck.

“Nadine.” I moved closer, my voice rough. “Hey, baby. Look at me.”

She shook her head, burying her face in her hands before scrubbing at her eyes with her fingers and wiping her wrist under her nose. “I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous. I should be stronger than this.”

“The fuck you should.” The words came out harsher than I intended, and she flinched. I forced myself to soften my tone. “You almost died tonight, Nadine. You’re allowed to fall apart.”

I reached for her, slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wanted.

When she didn’t, I put my arm around her slim shoulders and pulled her closer to me until she turned into my chest. Her small frame fit perfectly against me.

She smelled like the discount soap the club kept for surprise guests, and something uniquely her.

A scent I’d dreamt about for far too fucking many nights.

There was something clean and sweet about her that made my chest tight.

“I keep thinking about what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up,” she said.

I took a deep breath, forcing down the rage. It wouldn’t help her right now. What Nadine needed was comfort, not more violence.

I tightened my hold on her and she shifted, pressing more firmly against me. I’m not really sure how it started, but somehow, Nadine ended up straddling my lap with her knees on either side of my hips, her arms wrapped around my neck, crying like her heart was breaking.

“You’re safe now, honey. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

Her muffled sobs were like a knife to my heart. This vibrant, kind woman reduced to this because of that monster. Nadine wasn’t a woman who should ever be exposed to that kind of violence. No woman should. But Nadine was so gentle, so kind and good. In my eyes this was an abomination.

I nuzzled her temple, wanting only to comfort. “Nadine?” I kept my voice low and gentle as I spoke to her.

She looked up, her gray eyes red-rimmed and filled with pain. For a moment, we just stared at each other. I saw a flicker of relief in her gaze, quickly followed by shame. She tried to wipe away her tears, but fresh ones kept falling.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice hoarse as she visibly tried to pull herself together.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.”

She gave a shaky laugh that was more of a sob. “I should be stronger than this. I’m a nurse, for God’s sake.”

“You’re the strongest person I know. You had to be, to work in that place. But you’re still here, still fighting.”

Nadine looked at me, her chin quivering. “Am I? Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions.”

“Honey, you forget I worked in hospitals with nurses on the outside. You have more compassion for the people you treat than any nurse I’ve ever met. I told you to work in a nursing home or a hospital, but I was wrong.”

That statement startled her. She stilled, then pulled back to look at me in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“A place with truly sick people would slowly take every ounce of compassion you had. Those places would drain you of life, then discard you like surgical instruments no one wants to clean.” I grinned.

She might not have been allowed in the actual patient care areas, but everyone heard managers talking about the tossing of equipment when more had to be ordered.

Especially the fucking gold-handled needle drivers.

Which… didn’t matter now. “I never wanted you to be attacked and scared out of your mind, but I’m glad you’re here.

With me.” I added the last part without even considering what I was about to say.

But the fact was, I was glad she was with me.

I wanted her with me. I wanted to watch her flourish in a positive environment.

She nodded. I really thought the whole moment would change, that she’d climb off my lap and we might talk for a while until she got tired enough to sleep.

She surprised me by leaning forward, resting her forehead against my shoulder.

I froze for a second, then carefully wrapped my arms back around her.

“I’ve got you,” I murmured, feeling her relax slightly against me. “You’re safe now. I’ll make fuckin’ sure of it.”

“I volunteer on my nights off with a program that gives rides to people too drunk to drive.” She sniffed as she made her confession.

“One woman I took to a hotel saw my name badge in the console of my car and flipped out.” She sniffed and clung to me tighter.

“I thought she was just drunk, but she mentioned Grayson by name. That was back when I first moved here. I thought Grayson was an asshole, but I never saw the side of him she described.” She took in a shuddering breath. “Until today.”

“There’s so much to unpack in that confession…” I couldn’t help but mutter even as I found myself kissing the top of her head reassuringly.

She snorted delicately. “You could be right. Can we unpack most of it later?”

“So you volunteer to help drunk idiots get home safe.” I wanted to scold her for willingly letting drunk men she didn’t know in her car, but I couldn’t. Not now.

“It’s not like you think. They had a dash cam on us at all times, and I only transported women. They were actually glad to have a female driver because they felt it was safer for everyone.”

“OK. I can buy that.” I really couldn’t, but it didn’t matter because she was never doing that again. Sure, someone had to do it, but if this was something she had to do, I’d be doing it with her.

We sat there for a long time. I actually thought Nadine had dozed off, but she hadn’t.

“Pain? What’s going to happen to Chuck and Jermaine?”

That startled me. I hadn’t expected her to even think about those two, let alone wonder about them.

“You’re too compassionate for your own Goddamned good, Nadine.

” When she stiffened and would have pulled away, I tightened my hold on her.

“Don’t move, honey. I’m not criticizing you.

” I chuckled. “After everything you’ve been through, you’re worried about those two clowns. ”

“Pain! They’re just kids! Chuck’s got it rough. And Jermaine can only protect him for so long.”

“I know, honey. I’ve already taken care of it. I’ve got someone on them, watching over them. They might still get in trouble, but anything not of their own making, my guys will take care of it.”

“I just don’t think that’s a good place for them.”

“Christ, woman.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. “You’re killing me.”

“Look, I know what they both did. Jermaine was playing with a loaded gun and shot another teen. Because of the political climate in the area, he was charged as an adult and painted as a monster, but it was an accident. Irresponsible and stupid, but an accident. Chuck killed his mother and stepfather after the mother let the stepfather rape him. Repeatedly. His stepbrother was the district attorney, so even though he recused himself you know he had sway over the process.”

“I know, honey. It’s why I’ve got them being looked after.”

She sighed, slumping back against me. “Oh.” She sounded deflated. Almost despondent. “Sorry.”

“Nadine, honey. Look at me. Please.” I traced my finger over her jaw, urging her to tip her head back to meet my gaze.

“Everything is going to be OK. Chuck and Jermaine have to do their time. I can’t fix that.

But Kiss of Death has strong ties with Terre Haute.

We have some pull and some people on the payroll, so we can look out for men inside we want to protect.

We can’t prevent every bad thing that happens, but we can provide a strong deterrent to anyone causing problems for the ones we’re protecting.

So, yeah. We’ve got their backs as much as we’ve got anyone’s in that place.

And you’re a remarkable woman for recognizing those two for what they are.

You and Dr. Martinez are the only ones who try at all. ”

“Dr. Martinez is a wonderful person, and she’s going to make a great mother.”

“She’s being protected too. Though she doesn’t know it.”

Then the sun came out and a warm ray of golden light fell on me like a blessing…

Which is to say, Nadine smiled at me. A genuine, happy, almost worshipful smile.

And that was it. I was done. I would forever be a slave to this woman’s will because there was absolutely nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to put that smile on her face and fucking keep it there.

“God, you’re beautiful.” The admission was raw and spontaneous. I couldn’t take it back if I’d wanted to, and when her gaze snapped to mine, her eyes wide with shock, there was no way I would ever want to take it back.

“What?”

“You heard me, Nadine. You’re fuckin’ beautiful.”

I leaned in slowly, my heart pounding like I was some damn teenager again.

My lips brushed her forehead, lingering just because I couldn’t get enough of the feel of her skin on my lips.

I meant the gesture only to comfort, but the moment I made contact, it was like a live wire sparked between us.

I think I actually grunted, the impact was so sharp.

Nadine let out this tiny sigh, and I swear it was the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. She tilted her head back to meet my gaze, those gray eyes locking onto mine, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

I saw the trust in her features, the vulnerability, but there was something else too. A flicker of desire? Was I projecting my own interest and hoping she felt some of what I did?