Page 50 of Overruled

I stare at my phone until my vision blurs, and it takes several agonizing minutes for the little dots to appear, several more before he finally sends a reply.

Ezra: Hi.

I exhale shakily, relief flooding me.

Me: How are you?

His answer comes quicker this time.

Ezra: Really? Three days of silence and that’s what you want to ask me?

Me: Yes?

Ezra: Do you still think I went through your things?

Me: I don’t know.

It’s the truth, and right now, with my inhibitions low, I can’t give him anything but.

Ezra: How could you think that I would do that to you, Dani? After everything? I thought you knew me better than that.

Me: I thought I did too.

Ezra: Apparently not well enough.

Me: Ezra…You’ve used some pretty shady tactics in the past. You have to admit that.

The dots dance for a long time, and I bite my lip as I wait.

Ezra: You and I both know how unfair it is of you to throw that at me.

I wince. Deep down I do know it’s unfair. I know how much he loathes having to follow Alexander’s every whim. But I also know that there is a part of me, buried even deeper, that can’t just accept it. Maybe I didn’t even realize it was there before our fight.

Me: But you still do it, Ezra. I know you have a good reason, but can you really say that you wouldn’t purposefully hurt me if Alexander told you to? How am I to know if he found out about us? How do I know he didn’t TELL you to go through my things?

Ezra: That’s bullshit, Dani. you KNOW that’s bullshit.

Me: But I don’t. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared.

I realize it’s true as I say it. Maybe I ignored it before.

Maybe I was too wrapped up in the glow of the thing blossoming between us to even realize how terrified I was of being left behind again.

Because he would, I think. Leave me behind.

If Alexander told him to. And what’s more, knowing what I know about his family, about his mother… could I even blame him?

Ezra: Dani…I would never hurt you. Not on purpose.

Ezra: I care about you too much to even consider it.

A tear slips down my cheek, and I don’t bother wiping it away. My chest hurts, because I want to believe that. I want to tell him to come find me. I want to tell him that we can work this out. That I know he would never hurt me on purpose.

But I’ve been proven wrong too many times before, and in my wine-addled brain…the idea of ending it before it can happen seems better for both of us.

Me: It’s probably better this way.

Me: It would have been a mess between us, you know?

Me: There’s almost no chance it would have ever worked out.

I hold my breath as I watch him typing, tears readily falling down my face now. I want to take the words back even as I type them. Why don’t I do that?

Ezra: Are you saying that because you believe it? Or because you’re scared of even trying?

I consider the question. I don’t think it’s one I can give him an answer to, but if I’m being honest…it isn’t because I don’t know the answer.

Me: I’m sorry about the things I said.

Me: I really am. I overstepped.

Me: But maybe it’s better this way.

The dots appear, then disappear—the pattern repeating over and over for what feels like forever before:

Ezra: If that’s what you really want. I can’t chase you if you don’t want to be caught, Dani.

I choke back a sob.

Me: I’m sorry.

His answer comes immediately.

Ezra: So am I.

I swipe out of the thread and toss my phone on the table near my wineglass, dropping my face in my hands.

I’ve spent the last few days burying every emotion I had in regard to Ezra, and now it seems like the dam has finally burst, leaving me a sobbing mess.

I want to believe him, I realize. I want to believe that he didn’t do the things I accused him of. Deep down, I think I might already.

But a part of me also believes what I said. That the chances of us working out with so many things weighed against us are slim to none. How could we ever make things work when his mother will always come first? When I couldn’t love him if she didn’t?

I choke on a shaky inhale.

Love?

I can’t—there’s no way that I—

But you do, a more sensible part of my brain whispers. You know you do.

I snatch my wineglass and down what’s left, pushing up from the deck chair with every intention of calling an Uber and getting back to my apartment before anyone can catch me wallowing.

I can’t be around people right now. I shove my phone back in my pocket after calling a ride, wiping my eyes as best I can and hoping I can blame the redness that’s surely there on the copious amounts of wine that I’ve had.

My parents and stepparents are still laughing on the couch when I reenter the living room, but my friends are missing.

“Honey?” my mother calls, her brows furrowing as if she’s trying to suss out my emotions from just my expression. Thank God she’s already hammered. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I croak. “Where are Nate and Vera?”

“Oh, I think they said something about grabbing a game from the closet. Do you want to play?”

I shake my head. “I actually think I’m going to head out. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”

“Well, okay,” my mother says with a slight frown. “Don’t work too hard, all right?”

I give her my best impression of a smile, but it feels wrong. “I’ll try.”

I head through the kitchen toward the hall so that I can tell Nate and Vera that I’m leaving.

The hallway closet where we keep the board games is open, but my friends are missing.

Frowning, I move around the open door just to notice the guest bedroom door beside it is ajar, sounds coming from inside. Are they fighting again?

My hand is shoving the door open as I move to break up whatever it is they’re fussing about, barely getting two words out before I stop dead in my tracks.

“Hey, I’m gonna— What the fuck?”

Nate and Vera break apart, Nate’s hair a wild mess and Vera’s no better, her braids, which she’d had clipped back from her face, now falling loosely around her shoulders.

They’re both wide eyed and swollen mouthed, and even in the dimness of the room, it’s obvious that I just caught the tail end of the tipping point of their will-they-won’t-they.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I groan. “You chose to cave to this now ?”

Vera gapes at me. “I—”

Nate looks much the same. “We—”

“Fucking hell.” I close my eyes, breathing deeply just to let it out. Of course they’re finally realizing they’re perfect for each other on the same night my love life is falling apart. “Congratulations. Don’t stop on my account. God knows you waited long enough.”

“It isn’t—” Vera clears her throat. “It’s not what you—”

“Oh, shut up,” I sigh. “If my life wasn’t a fucking mess right now, I’d be planning your wedding.”

Nate immediately looks concerned. “Wait, what?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head. “Not something I want to get into at this moment. I just came to tell you guys I called an Uber. I’m heading out.”

Vera frowns. “Do we need to talk about something?”

“No,” I tell her wearily. “I honestly can’t right now.” I gesture between them. “I expect a full report on this tomorrow when I’m more sober.”

“I mean,” Nate says with a grin. “We all knew she couldn’t resist me.”

He yelps when Vera pinches his side. “If you ever want to kiss me again, you’ll shut up right now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he laughs.

My heart aches watching them. It’s strange, being happy for someone when you’re so miserable yourself. My phone pings, signaling my Uber has arrived.

“My ride’s here,” I manage tightly. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.”

I close the door behind me, taking another deep, steadying breath as I will myself to look normal so that my parents won’t realize anything is amiss when I leave. I don’t text Ezra again, not even when the urge to do so becomes unbearable. He doesn’t text me either.

And what’s worse…I have a feeling that he might never do so again.