Page 37 of Overruled

Twenty

Ezra

There is still a nagging worry in the back of my head that she’s going to bolt at any given moment.

She was pensive on the drive over, texting back and forth with her friends, I assume to let them know she would be leaving with me.

I’m still half-worried about her changing her mind even when we’re walking through my front door, letting her in first and eyeing her back as I close it behind us to lock us inside.

Purrgood comes trotting out from the other side of the couch when he hears us, and Dani smiles immediately—stooping to scratch behind his ears as she murmurs soft praise to my husky little house cat, who leans into her touch like it’s the best thing in the world.

Me too, buddy.

“Do you want something to drink?”

She peeks over her shoulder, watching as I unknot my tie to let it hang on either side of my collar. “What do you have?”

“Well, you don’t strike me as a whiskey drinker, but I have some tequila and vodka behind the wet bar. I could cut it with something if you want.”

“You don’t think I drink whiskey?”

I cock an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“I can do whiskey,” she says primly, determination in her eyes.

I have to bite back a laugh. This woman will never turn down the chance to make something simple into a challenge. I get the feeling that even if I married this woman, I’d have to drag her down the aisle kicking and screaming.

That thought gives me pause, my chest fluttering, but I brush it away as I move to the wet bar with a smirk. “Whiskey it is.”

“Your cat is getting huge,” she remarks as she gives said cat more scratches.

“Don’t fat-shame my roommate, Dani. It’s rude.”

She rolls her eyes. “You won’t be saying that when you have to roll him to the litter box.”

“I will get him the finest kitty wagon so he can drag himself around. He’s his own man.”

She shakes her head, but there’s a tiny smile on her face as she gives Purrgood one final stroke down the length of his back before standing again.

She crosses the space to come to rest on the other side of the bar, leaning on her elbows as she watches me pour two fingers of Jameson for her and myself.

“Thanks, bartender,” she says as she takes her glass.

I pause before taking a drink, watching her bring the glass warily to her lips, sniffing the contents before taking a tentative sip. Her eyes scrunch immediately, and she makes a little sound of distaste that pulls a laugh out of me.

“Shut up,” she grouses.

“You don’t have to drink it.”

She narrows her eyes, resolutely taking another slow sip.

I shake my head as I take a drink from my own glass, sighing in content after. “So. Tell me all your woes.”

“Woes?”

I nod. “That’s what you’re supposed to do with a bartender. Spill all your secrets.”

“ You’re the one who promised me a story. Are you stalling right now?”

I frown, hiding it behind my glass as I take another drink. I let the liquid linger in my mouth for a moment before allowing it to slide down my throat, relishing the burn as I consider. “Not necessarily…I’m just not sure where to even start.”

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

I ponder again what might come from telling Dani all the sordid secrets of the Hart family.

It isn’t that I don’t trust her; on the contrary, I have an inkling that Dani might be the only person in my life I could trust with my burdens.

I think I’m more worried that she might look at me differently.

That when she realizes how deep the misery goes—it might chase her away.

After gaining so much ground with her…the idea of it makes my stomach feel leaden.

I wonder for a moment how on earth I might start this conversation; the beginning isn’t so cut-and-dried.

Not with this. I finally decide on the most important detail, the one everything else branches from.

“Alexander isn’t my father.”

She looks shocked at my admission, as I expected her to be, her lips parting and a furrow forming between her brows as she tries to process that information. “He…isn’t?”

“I didn’t always know,” I explain, looking down into my glass as I swirl the amber liquid absently. “He was…distant when I was a kid, but I just assumed it was because I never lived up to Eli. Eli was perfect, and I…” I frown, remembering. “I was never that.”

She clutches her glass in both hands, her fingers flexing against it almost like she’s combating an urge to reach out and touch me.

I sort of wish she would. Maybe it would make me feel less unsettled.

I think this might actually be the first time I’ve ever talked about this out loud with anyone other than my mother.

Her voice is soft when she speaks again. “When did you find out?”

My jaw tightens. This is the hardest part to talk about. It’s been fifteen years, and still my stomach twists when I think about the day my life came crashing down around me. I close my eyes, breathing in through my nostrils.

“I found out the day my mother attempted to take her own life.”

I can’t look at her when I hear her quiet gasp; I think I want to avoid the pity that’s most likely in her eyes. It’s not something I want from her. I don’t want Dani to soften to me out of pity. I want her to…Shit. I don’t even know what I want her to do.

“Ezra…” I finally open my eyes at the sound of her voice, but miraculously, it’s not pity in her expression, not really. It’s…gentler. It makes my chest hurt. “What happened?”

I sigh deeply, deciding to just lay it out in one go.

“My father has always been a controlling bastard, but I’m told he was better when he and my mother first got married.

Apparently, after Eli was born, he started having problems at the firm he was working with.

There were allegations made about…Well. I can’t even tell you what they were about.

I’ve never been able to dig it up. All I know is that whatever was happening in Alexander’s professional life started to put strain on his and my mother’s marriage.

She won’t talk to me about it, but from what I’ve been able to gather from others…

he became cruel. I guess it was always inside him, he just needed reasons to justify letting it out. ”

“And she…?”

“She had an affair.” I’m nodding, not really looking at her as I talk.

“She was going to leave Alexander. She wasn’t in love with my real father; honestly, from what I understand, it was just a one-night stand with some guy who was out of the picture before she could even take a pregnancy test, but Alexander found out.

Since they hadn’t been intimate in some time… he knew that I wasn’t his kid.”

“But she didn’t leave,” Dani ventures.

I shake my head. “She couldn’t. I didn’t learn about any of this until years later, but Alexander threatened to have Eli taken away from her.

Even with all the shit he had going on at his firm, he had powerful friends in the business.

Powerful enough that my mother feared he could actually do it.

That she wouldn’t ever get to see my brother again.

Her soft heart couldn’t stand the thought of it.

” I puff out a breath. “Plus, for whatever reason…She loved Alexander. I think maybe she still does, although I can’t fathom why. ”

“How old were you when she…?”

“Nineteen,” I tell her, knowing exactly what she’s asking.

“Apparently, when I was finally off to college, my mother had a moment of clarity where she realized she and Alexander were never going to be the same. She didn’t have to worry about him using her children against her anymore, so she attempted to leave. Again.”

I shudder at the memory of a cold waiting room and anemic lighting. “Alexander wasn’t having it. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing face with his peers, of them finding out his wife was leaving him for his own shitty behavior. He—”

I suck in a breath, and I don’t even realize I’m shaking until I feel Dani’s hand covering mine. The warmth of it is soothing, calming me, and I exhale slowly, needing to get this out. To tell someone , if only just this once.

“He locked her in her room,” I tell her bleakly. “For weeks . I…” I make a disgusted sound. “I didn’t even know. I was so busy enjoying my newfound freedom that I didn’t even bother to check in with her. She was in that room for weeks , and I—”

Dani squeezes my hand. “You couldn’t have known, Ezra.”

“Regardless,” I reply woodenly. “It all became too much for her. She…she had sleeping pills. She—”

I close my eyes, focusing on the weight of Dani’s hand still clutching mine. I don’t know if I’m grateful for the bar between us or angry at it. I’m not sure at this moment if her touching me more would soothe me or have me buckling from the bad memories.

“By the time I made it to the hospital, they’d coded her twice. There was a period where they didn’t think she was going to pull through. Even when they got her stabilized, they said she’d suffered oxygen deprivation to her brain. She’s…never been the same since.”

“But…she seemed fine when we talked.”

I shrug. “She has good days and bad days. Sometimes it’s just like…she isn’t there. She calls them her ‘away days.’?”

“Jesus.” I look up to find her shaking her head in disbelief, and I wonder if she’s regretting coming back with me now. “But…how did that lead to you finding out you weren’t Alexander’s son?”

A bitter laugh escapes me, and I let go of her to slump down over the bar, resting my face in my hands as the same sound bubbles up again.

“He told me,” I chuckle darkly. “He fucking told me. By the time I found out what had really happened to my mother, he’d already managed to get a conservatorship over her.

Convinced a judge it was for her own safety.

When I threatened to contest it…he told me everything.

Not only that, he assured me that if I stepped one toe out of line, he’d have my mother thrown in some out-of-state facility and toss away the key. ”

I rub my temples, wishing I had a hell of a lot more to drink in my system than I currently have, too afraid to look up and see if Dani is regretting all of this. If she’s realizing that I’m not nearly as put together as I appear to be, that I’m nothing more than a fraud.

So it’s a surprise when I feel her arms sliding around my waist. I hadn’t even heard her move.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she says quietly, her cheek resting on my shoulder.

“Wasn’t it? I wasn’t there when she needed me.

I couldn’t do a damned thing to get her out of that hellhole, and I’ve been doing whatever awful thing that man has told me to do ever since.

I went to law school because he liked the strong front a family business presented.

I use his bullshit defenses to help terrible people take advantage of their spouses.

I let him use me to hurt people. People just like my mother. Who’s the bad guy here?”

“ He is,” she says without missing a beat. “ Alexander is the bad guy here, Ezra. He’s a fucking monster.”

“But I—”

“Did the only thing you could do to protect your mom. What else could you have done? You and I both know how hard it would be to break Alexander’s legal hold over your mother. Without some sort of concrete evidence of him being unfit or being hazardous to her health…no judge is going to lift it.”

“I know,” I croak, voice tight. “I’ve looked into it a hundred times. I always end up hitting a wall. He’s too good at being fucking awful.”

“I’m sorry,” she offers softly. “I didn’t know.”

I straighten, another harsh laugh falling out of my mouth. “What would have changed if you had? You would have still hated me. I would have just been a sad asshole instead of only an asshole.”

“I…” Her perfect mouth pouts, her expression pensive. “I don’t… hate you, Ezra. I don’t think I’ve ever really hated you.”

My mouth twitches. “You haven’t?”

“If anything,” she grumbles, “I’ve hated how much I can’t seem to hate you.”

“Careful, Dani,” I tease. “Next thing you know you’ll be writing me love songs.”

She rolls her eyes, looking annoyed, and weirdly, it makes me feel lighter. Dani finding me unbearable is the only bit of normalcy in my life. She’s the only normal thing in my life. It’s only just hitting me that this is the case.

I turn to face her fully, bringing my palm to her cheek and letting my thumb trace back and forth there. “Thank you for listening.”

“It only seemed fair,” she mumbles. “You listened to my sad story.”

“I guess neither of us are as untouchable as we pretend to be,” I muse.

Her eyes are bright as she looks up at me, her lips inviting and soft looking as the briefest flash of her pink tongue darts out to wet them.

I am suddenly struck with the overwhelming realization that she’s still here.

That I’ve told her every horrible thing that haunts me, and she didn’t walk away. That has to mean something…right?

“I want to touch you,” I tell her.

She frowns. “You are touching me.”

“No.” I shake my head, bracing myself. “I want to touch you and know that you’ll still be here when I wake up in the morning.

I want to touch you and make you realize that all I ever think about is touching you, that sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me through the day.

I want to touch you, Dani, and know that whatever this thing is between us… that you’re in it with me.”

I hold my breath as she stares at me in disbelief; I silently count the seconds that pass as I wait for her to say something, to say anything.

I notice the slim column of her throat working with a swallow, and then by some miracle, by some act of divine intervention…

Dani pushes up on her toes and presses her mouth to mine.

Her breath is warm and sweet as it washes over my lips. “I want you to touch me too,” she whispers.

I won’t waste another second.