Page 59 of Out of His Wits (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
“False credit arrangements, primarily,” Colonel Fitzwilliam replied. “He has been purchasing goods and services under a false name, with no intention of payment.”
“No intention to pay?” The magistrate’s eyes gleamed.
“Indeed. The man calling himself Lieutenant Wilkins is, we believe, actually George Wickham, who has committed similar frauds in other counties. He uses a false name and absconds without making good on his debts.” Darcy explained.
Mr. Harding leant forward, his interest now fully engaged. “How much money are we discussing?”
“Our initial inquiries suggest he owes various local tradesmen upwards of one hundred pounds,” Darcy said. “That figure represents only what we have been able to document here in Meryton in the past weeks.”
“One hundred pounds!” Mr. Harding’s voice rose with indignation. “From our local merchants? This is intolerable! These hardworking men depend upon prompt payment for their livelihoods.”
“Indeed,” Sir William murmured. “If such behaviour goes unchecked, it could encourage other transient visitors to view our merchants as gudgeons.”
The magistrate’s face reddened. “Absolutely not! I will not have the fine merchants of this district compromised by swindlers and fraudsters. What evidence do you have?”
Colonel Fitzwilliam produced a folder of documents. “We have statements from several merchants, records of unpaid debts, and evidence that the name under which he enlisted does not match his true identity.”
Mr. Harding examined the papers with growing excitement. “Excellent! This is exactly the sort of systematic approach such cases require. What of Mr. Thompson at the draper’s? Mr. Clarke at the inn?”
“We have begun making inquiries,” Darcy replied, “but felt it proper to involve lawful authority before proceeding further.”
“Quite right! Quite right!” Mr. Harding was practically rubbing his hands together. “This sort of knavery strikes at the very heart of honest society. I shall pursue this matter with the utmost vigour.”
“There are,” Colonel Fitzwilliam said carefully, “other concerns as well. We have reason to suspect this man may also be involved in other crimes.”
“Such as?”
“Attempted poisoning, for one thing. The mysterious illness at Netherfield occurred after he had access to the household.”
Mr. Harding waved a hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, Netherfield. The kitchen maid was responsible for procuring the poisonous mushrooms. Surely this militia man was not in the kitchens cooking the ragout?”
“We believe Mr. Wilkins, who is truly Mr. Wickham, directed the two maids to harvest the very mushrooms he knew to be unfit for consumption in order to cause illness or even death to me.” Darcy pressed.
Mr. Harding stared owlishly.
“But you were not particularly ill. It was Mr. Hurst who was at death’s door. How could this be directed at you?”
“Mr. Wickham grew up on my father’s estate, as the son of our steward.
He has resented me since childhood and recently developed a grudge over.
. financial matters. The effects of the poison varied by person, and I did indeed have ill effects from the poison.
Hurst merely consumed a great deal more than I.
If Wickham was involved in providing poison to the kitchen, given his propensities, it would warrant investigation. ”
“Oh, certainly, certainly. We shall look into it. But these merchants—now there is something we can sink our teeth into! Concrete evidence, clear damages, local victims who can testify.” Mr. Harding trailed off, already planning his campaign.
Sir William caught Darcy’s eye with the slightest of smiles. His assessment of the magistrate’s priorities had been entirely accurate.
“What would you have us do?” Colonel Fitzwilliam asked.
“Provide me with the evidence about the debts from other jurisdictions, and the local ones of course,” Mr. Harding replied immediately. “Documents of every fraudulent transaction, every false representation, every penny owed to honest merchants. That will build a case that will stand up in court.”
“What of the military authorities?” Darcy inquired. “His false enlistment represents a serious breach of military law.”
“Indeed, it does,” the magistrate agreed. “Colonel, have you any connexions at the Horse Guards? Perhaps you could ensure that the proper authorities are informed of our discoveries?”
“I should be delighted to assist,” the Colonel replied smoothly.
Mr. Harding stood up, his energy now thoroughly aroused. “Gentlemen, this is exactly the sort of case that demands immediate action. Cheats and swindlers will not be tolerated in my jurisdiction! I shall issue a warrant to take the dastard in hand.”
As they prepared to leave, the magistrate shook each man’s hand with enthusiasm.
“Thank you for bringing this to my attention,” he said earnestly. “It is refreshing to work with citizens who understand the crucial place that property rights hold as the very foundation of civilised society.”
Outside the magistrate’s house, Colonel Fitzwilliam turned to Sir William with something approaching awe.
“How did you know he would react that way?”
Sir William smiled modestly. “I have observed Mr. Harding for many years. He is an excellent magistrate, in his way, but like all men, he has his particular passions. Threaten a merchant’s livelihood, and you threaten everything he holds sacred.”
“But attempted murder—” Darcy began.
“Is a complicated crime that requires extensive investigation and may be difficult to prove,” Sir William interrupted genially.
“He was happy to find a scapegoat and send his conclusions on to the Assizes. Such matters do not interest him a great deal, whereas thievery is immediately comprehensible, directly impacts his neighbours, and provides clear evidence for prosecution. Sometimes, gentlemen, the path to justice requires understanding that different men are motivated by different concerns.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam shook his head in admiration. “Sir William, I believe you have missed your calling. You should have been a diplomat.”
“My dear Colonel,” Sir William replied with twinkling eyes, “what do you think local affairs are, but diplomacy conducted at close quarters?”
As they walked back towards their horses, Darcy reflected that they had just witnessed a masterclass in the art of practical justice. Mr. Harding’s enthusiasm for pursuing fraudulent dealing would accomplish their goals far more effectively than any amount of moral outrage about attempted murder.