Page 25 of Out of His Wits (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Mrs. Hurst gave a small moan at this indelicate description and pressed her vinaigrette more firmly to her nose.

“The patient should recover entirely,” Mr. Louden continued, “though I have advised several days of absolute rest abed and a diet of bland broths until his constitution is fully restored.”

“Excellent, excellent,” Mr. Harding said, making elaborate notes. “This confirms my theories regarding the effects of unknown fungi upon the human constitution. Now, as to the perpetrator of this most heinous act.”

Elizabeth’s attention sharpened, and Darcy’s posture grew more alert.

“After extensive investigation,” Harding declared, consulting his notes with satisfaction, “I have determined that the poisoning was perpetrated by one Tibby -also known as Tabitha-Morrison, scullery maid, who gathered the noxious mushrooms and introduced them into the kitchen stores knowingly and with ill intent..”

“Ill intent?” Mr. Bennet’s eyebrows rose sceptically. “From a scullery maid? What possible motive could such a child have?”

“Ah!” Harding held up one finger triumphantly. “According to my authorities, servants often harbour resentments against their betters. The girl likely acted out of spite, perhaps after receiving some justified correction from the cook or housekeeper.”

Elizabeth’s own scepticism was reflected in Darcy’s expression. The magistrate’s explanation seemed absurdly simplified.

“But surely,” Mr. Bingley said, “the girl could not have planned this. Surely she meant no harm. Her flight suggests fear rather than malice.”

“Flight may be accounted proof of a consciousness of guilt,” Harding said with firm conviction. “My legal texts are quite clear on this point. The guilty party invariably attempts to escape justice.”

Miss Bingley supported the accusation with unctuous outrage: “That girl has always looked sly to me.”

“What of the other maid?” Darcy enquired quietly, “The girl Bet who accompanied Tibby on the gathering expedition?”

Harding waved dismissively. “A lesser personage, merely present during the collection. My investigation has revealed that Bet attempted to dissuade Tibby from gathering unfamiliar varieties, but the girl was determined in her malicious purpose.”

Elizabeth and Darcy exchanged another meaningful glance. Neither spoke, but Elizabeth could see that he shared her certainty that this neat conclusion was ill-founded and wrong.

“Have you questioned Bet directly?” Mr. Bennet asked with deceptive mildness.

“Indeed, I have,” Harding replied with satisfaction.

“Most illuminating conversation. The girl was quite forthcoming about the circumstances. She confirmed Tibby insisted upon gathering the unfamiliar mushrooms despite her warnings against it. Said the child was quite determined, claimed she knew what she was about.”

Elizabeth’s shoulders tightened with unease. The magistrate’s account rang false.

“Bet attempted to dissuade her, you say?” Darcy inquired.

“Oh yes, most emphatically. But Tibby would not be deterred. According to Bet, the girl reportedly said she would ‘get her revenge,’ or something to that effect. Quite vindictive language, suggesting malicious intent from the outset.”

“Bet remains in service?” Mr. Bennet pressed.

“Indeed, poor creature. Quite distressed by the whole affair, naturally. She blames herself for not preventing Tibby’s wicked scheme, though I assured her no blame could attach to one who attempted to counsel restraint.”

“How conveniently stated,” Darcy murmured, too quietly for Harding to hear, but Elizabeth caught the words and the sceptical tone behind them.

“Mr. Harding, what of Tibby? Did she admit her involvement?” Elizabeth asked.

“Tibby Morrison has fled. Her whereabouts are unknown. If she has something to say in her defence, she must present herself. I am satisfied that she is guilty.”

Miss Bingley leant forward eagerly. “Surely, Mr. Harding, you must consider every possibility? What of those who ate at our table the same meal yet suffered no ill effects whatsoever? Perhaps someone advised the scullery in selecting the harmful mushrooms? Is it not curious that only certain persons should escape entirely unscathed?”

“Miss Bingley,” Darcy said sharply, his voice carrying a warning, “such speculation serves no useful purpose.”

“Does it not?” Miss Bingley’s eyes glittered with malice. “When the very persons who might have foreknowledge of what dishes to avoid remain perfectly well whilst others suffer grievously? I find such fortune remarkably selective.”

“Caroline!” Bingley exclaimed, mortified.

“Actually,” Mr. Louden interjected diplomatically, “the effects of such poisoning can vary considerably based on the individual, the amount consumed, and even the timing of consumption. Some people naturally possess greater resistance to noxious substances. I understand that not every guest consumed the ragout due to preferences for plain dishes.”

“Precisely,” Harding agreed, though Elizabeth suspected he had not fully understood the physician’s explanation.

“Which brings me to my conclusion. Tibby Morrison perpetrated the crime, acting alone, from motives of spite against her betters. The case is hereby closed, and warrants shall be issued for her apprehension.”

“If her whereabouts are unknown, what will happen if she cannot be found?” Darcy asked.

“Then justice will be served by her exile from decent society,” Harding replied with satisfaction. “The guilty party has been identified and driven from the county. Order is restored.”

The magistrate began packing his books. His conclusions left Elizabeth profoundly dissatisfied.

Every instinct told her that the true culprit remained unpunished, whilst an innocent girl bore the blame for a crime she never intended to commit.

It was too clean, too convenient. Mr. Harding had the air of a man pleased to have resolved a matter quickly—regardless of the truth.

She looked once more towards Darcy, and the same troubled conviction darkened his eyes.

Whatever the truth was of that evening’s events, it was not what Mr. Harding had just proclaimed with such confident authority.

“Mr. Harding,” Darcy said quietly, “if the girl should be apprehended, what will occur?”

Harding looked up from his packing with renewed authority.

“Transportation would be the expected outcome—seven years at least. Poisoning one’s betters—even if unintentionally—is a most serious crime against the natural order.

I shall recommend to the quarter sessions that a warrant be drawn,” Harding continued with authority that rang hollow.

“With the girl vanished entirely, the practical difficulties are considerable.”

Mr. Bennet continued. “Considerable indeed. Meanwhile, the circumstances remain as mysterious as ever.”

Elizabeth caught the meaningful look her father cast in Darcy’s direction. There was something in his manner that suggested he, too, doubted the magistrate’s convenient conclusion.

“Perhaps,” Bingley said uncertainly, “it would be better to let the matter rest. No permanent injury has resulted, and the household is now aware to be more careful with mushroom gathering.”

“Let it rest?” Miss Bingley exclaimed. “When we might have been murdered in our beds by a vengeful servant? Such a matter cannot be dismissed without consequence —”

“Justice demands the truth,” Darcy interrupted firmly. “Not merely the appearance of resolution.”

Harding gathered his remaining papers with renewed haste, eager to conclude proceedings that had taken an uncomfortable turn.

“The inquiry is concluded. I shall make my recommendations to the proper authorities, though I suspect the girl has learned her lesson and will not trouble decent society again.”

As the magistrate departed with considerable ceremony, the company dispersed with the subdued air of those who had witnessed justice imperfectly served.

Jane moved towards the window, where Bingley stood looking troubled.

Their quiet conversation soon took on the soft tones that marked their increasing attachment.

Mrs. Hurst, declaring herself quite overcome by the proceedings, took herself off to attend her husband with a selection of restoratives.

Miss Bingley, her face set in lines of deep dissatisfaction, gathered her skirts with sharp movements.

“Well,” she announced to no one in particular, “I suppose we must all be satisfied with the investigation.” Her tone suggested anything but satisfaction.

“If you will excuse me, I find I require some air.” She swept out of the room.

With the departure of the more volatile member of the party, a contemplative quiet settled over those who remained. Mr. Bennet approached Mr. Darcy with an expression that might charitably be called dubious, whilst Elizabeth naturally joined their discourse by mutual, unspoken agreement.

“Well, Mr. Darcy,” Mr. Bennet said quietly, adjusting his spectacles, “that was certainly illuminating.”

“Indeed,” Darcy replied with careful restraint. “I am less than entirely convinced by Mr. Harding’s conclusions.”

“Less than entirely convinced,” Mr. Bennet repeated with dry amusement.

“A masterpiece of diplomatic understatement. It suits Mr. Harding to find guilt where it may be punished without difficulty. A scullery maid answers admirably. She cannot protest in Parliament. I wonder whether our learned magistrate has ever actually investigated a crime or merely read about the theoretical possibility of doing so.”

Elizabeth glanced between the two men, recognising in their measured tones the same scepticism that had been troubling her throughout the proceedings. “Am I to understand you both find his conclusion regarding Tibby mistaken?”