Page 8

Erik

I wish I knew what to say to Inessa.

We sit side by side on a park bench while Snickers lounges at our feet with her doggie ice cream. All my words seem to get stuck in my throat or tangled up on my tongue.

She’s so beautiful.

I’d like to tell her how pretty I think she is, but maybe she’d get mad. She hasn’t responded very well to any of my attempts to touch her or compliment her. I’m a little bit lost.

It was nice when she asked about me. Like she wanted to get to know me.

Maybe I’ll ask her some questions about herself.

I clear my throat. “Do you have brothers and sisters? Back home, I mean.”

For a moment, a strange look crosses her face, as if a cloud passed in front of the sun. She takes another bite of her ice cream, not making eye contact with me. “One brother. We are not...” She frowns. “How do you say? ”

“Close?” I offer.

“Yes. We are not close.”

There’s a long silence.

I guess talking about her family was a bad move. I should have thought of that. If she was close to them, she’d probably be missing them, and that would have upset her. Probably a good thing she clearly isn’t.

I guess maybe that’s why she was happy to move to America.

A drip of melted ice cream trickles onto my knuckle and I lick it up quickly.

Why am I so bad at this?

“It is very nice here. In America. I am very happy.”

When I look around, Inessa’s face is fixed in the neutral expression she usually wears when she’s not frowning.

I blink. Could have fooled me.

Does she feel like she has to say that to please me? “Inessa,” I begin. Then I pause, not sure how to put it. Another drip from my ice cream makes my knuckles sticky and I grimace. I’m making a mess of myself and our first actual date.

Snickers sits up and eyes the ice cream with a wag of her little tail.

With a sigh, I hold it down for her to lick.

I know it’s not good for her, but she’s so cute! How can I resist?

Using the opportunity to look at Snickers instead of Inessa, I feel bolder and the words come tumbling out.

“Inessa, you don’t have to pretend. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel like you can talk to me. If there’s something you want or need, I’d be only too happy to give it to you. You just have to ask.”

“No. Is good. I am happy.”

She’s not though, is she?

I wish there was a way to make her believe that this is more than an arrangement to me. I was hoping for real feelings. I know they might take a while to develop, but I still believe it can happen.

“What do you like to do? When you’re not working. Come to think of it, what did you do for work back home? Do you miss it?”

“Back home I do not work,” she says. “What I like is to drive. To uh... to ride. I have motorbike. I go riding outside city. And shopping.”

“Oh wow.” In my head I’m wondering how I’m going to afford to buy her a motorbike. Out loud I say, “So how old were you when you learned how to ride?”

“Fifteen.”

I’m impressed. I’d like to ask her more, but another dog walks past on a leash and Snickers jumps and starts barking so loudly I can’t.

“Shhh.”

She ignores me of course.

Inessa reaches down and yanks on the leash and makes that stern shushing noise again, and Snickers sits instantly. She lets out a low growl and watches the other dog as its owner leads it past our bench, but she doesn’t bark again.

God, is it weird that I find it so attractive when she does that? It probably is. Dog handling isn’t usually high on people’s sexy list, but there’s something about Inessa’s firm authority that kinda makes me melt inside.

I’d really like to reach over and take her small hand in mine just to hold it. I imagine us walking Snickers back to the apartment hand in hand and it gives me this huge warm feeling inside my chest.

I’m too shy though. So Inessa takes Snickers’s leash and I walk beside her, trying and failing to summon up the courage to ask her.

When we get to the top of the stairs, she turns to me and there’s just a hint of a smile on her lips. “Thank you. That is very nice.”

Maybe I’ve finally done something right.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” I blurt when Snickers is off her leash and I’ve kicked my shoes off at the front door.

“Yes. I will like that. Thank you.”

Two in a row.

Maybe there’s hope for me yet.

I hurry over to the sofa and fold it back so we can sit down. Then I switch on the TV. “What would you like to watch?”

She shrugs. “Whatever you would like.”

Feeling just a little pressure, I scroll until I find the romantic movies. I’m just about to select Notting Hill when she points. “What is this? This with the car.”

I blink. I quickly scroll up to Gone in 60 Seconds . “This?”

“Yes. Let us watch this.”

I switch it on immediately, glad I didn’t make another blunder. And I file away the information that Inessa likes action films more than romance. Of course. She likes fast cars and bikes .

We watch in silence, but it’s a peaceful silence. It doesn’t feel awkward.

Daring to shift a little closer on the sofa, I carefully lay my arm against the backrest until it’s stretched out behind her, not quite touching.

She says nothing, so I leave it there, enjoying the feeling of almost having her in my arms.

We are making progress. I can tell.

At the end of the film, she turns to me, and I get my first full smile. “That is very exciting.”

“Was,” I correct, before I can stop myself.

Then I could kick myself when her smile turns into a frown.

Only the next moment, she nods. “Yes. That was very exciting. I am enjoying.” She lets out a little huff of breath. “I was enjoying.”

Poor Inessa. She’s doing so well. I want to tell her but maybe she’ll think I’m being condescending. “I’m glad,” I say instead.

There’s a pause. She leans a little closer. “You would like to kiss me now.”

I stare. My heart is suddenly beating a million miles an hour in my chest and my palms feel all sweaty. Is she serious? “I—yes! I mean yes. I would. Is that OK?”

“Is OK.”

Oh shit. What if I screw this up?

I have kissed females before. I’ve even kissed a human woman. That feels like an awfully long time ago and I have the horrible feeling that maybe I’ve forgotten how it’s done.

Inessa tilts her chin up like she’s waiting and I gather all my courage .

Leaning in, I put one big hand on her cheek to make sure I don’t miss. Then I close my eyes tight and bring my lips to hers.

She holds perfectly still. I might be imagining it, but her jaw seems tense. Maybe she’s nervous too.

Somehow that makes me feel worse instead of better. I wish she would tell me how to do it. How she likes to be kissed.

She is silent, so I have to fumble along on my own. I brush her lips with mine softly, savoring the silky smooth texture.

Impossibly smooth. More perfect than anything I’ve ever felt. Her scent fills my nostrils. It’s sweet and floral, with an undertone of musky richness that has my head spinning.

Daring a little more, I move my lips gently. Thank god she hasn’t recoiled or told me to stop.

My fingers tremble with the urge to pull her closer. I’d love to feel her soft body against mine. To drink her in.

I content myself with a few more soft brushes of my lips against hers until I eventually drag myself away and sit back. “That was...” I sigh. How do I even put it into words? “Thank you.”

“You will be my husband, after all,” she says. Then she stands. “I will go to bed now. Thank you for a lovely evening.”

“My pleasure.” I’m swimming in those big warm feelings again. When I go to brush my teeth half an hour later, there’s still a dopey grin stretched across my face.

My fiancé is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And she’s going to be my wife.

This seems too impossibly good to be true.

Snickers didn’t even interrupt. In fact, she’s been quiet for a long time.

When I poke my head around the door, I can’t see her .

I have a moment’s worry until I sneak into the bedroom and find her curled up at the end of Inessa’s bed asleep.

Well how can I blame her? That’s where I’d be tonight if I could.

That big warm feeling sticks around all night, even when I have to squash myself onto the sofa bed in the living room again.

I wonder what it would be like to sleep beside Inessa in my bed, to wake in the night and listen to her breathe. Only I’m pretty sure humans frown on that type of behavior. I have to make sure I don’t come on too strong.

I feel so lucky she let me kiss her tonight.

We are making good progress.