Page 17

Vera

I’ve made a mess of things again.

I don’t need to hear Erik’s quiet sigh as he shuts the door to the apartment behind us to know that. I felt it the whole way home.

It’s just that I couldn’t shake the feeling of foreboding I’ve had ever since the tarot reading. The King of Swords has haunted my dreams. His sharply pointed features seem etched into the backs of my eyes so that every time I close them, he is looking at me.

In my dreams the painted face of the figure on the card merges with the thicker, more solid features of Yakov and I wake in a sweat.

Why did I think I could hide from him and Dmitri? It’s only a matter of time before they find me, and then I can only imagine what they’ll do.

I’d like to think they’ll kill me. That would be simple .

My greatest fear is that they won’t. They’ll keep me alive to suffer in service to one or both of them. To be paraded before others as an example of what happens when you cross a ruthless man.

Hearing my native tongue put me instantly on high alert. What if there’s a link? What if she owes someone a favor or has family within my brother’s reach?

She might be a very nice girl, but all it takes is one good threat and even the nice ones crumble.

I’ve seen it.

I don’t notice I’m shaking until two large green hands take me gently by the upper arms. “Inessa?”

Startled, I look up into Erik’s concerned face.

“I’m sorry.” He snatches his hands away and I want to tell him to put them back. They’re so warm I’d like to wrap myself in his hold. Without his touch, my skin feels icy.

“I’m worried about you.”

I hate crying.

Ever since I was a child, I would do everything I could to avoid crying.

Now I dig my nails into my palms and will the tears back as my eyes begin to sting and my throat closes up. I can’t speak or they’ll escape.

Can’t do anything but freeze up under the gentle gaze of my big green giant.

“Inessa?”

All of a sudden, I can’t hold it back anymore. It all comes pouring out of me like a flood. “I’m afraid, Erik. I’m terrified.”

I’m shaking. I’ve said too much already, but he doesn’t understand. How could he ?

“I ran away from someone back home who will make me suffer if he ever finds out. If he ever catches me. I’m afraid that he’s going to catch me.”

He sort of freezes up too, and we both just look at each other.

“What can I do?” His rich brown eyes are full of compassion. He’s still not touching me and I know why. He’s avoiding it because of the way I usually react.

I think about how warm and comforting his hands felt. “Hold me.”

The next second, I’m wrapped up in a hug so big and warm it feels like I’ve been enveloped in the fluffiest fur blanket. I press my face into his chest and inhale the deep, masculine scent of him. I love the way he smells. It hits me that I’ve loved it for a while and only now am I getting to experience it properly. Up close.

I’m so distracted by the rich spicy scent that the tears I was expecting never come.

Eventually I stop shaking and his warmth bleeds into me so I can feel my fingers and toes again.

I sigh. “Thank you.”

He raises a hesitant hand to my hair and pats softly. “Is this OK?”

I want to snuggle deeper into his broad chest and let myself believe that this will all be OK, but instead I pull back. He deserves to know. “Come. Sit. Let me explain. I should have told you before and I’m sorry for deceiving you. Let me put that right now. ”

He follows me to the sofa and we sit. It’s so small that I have to put my feet in his lap, but I don’t mind that. His warm hands close around them, and I try to find the words to begin.

“Back home in Moscow.” I frown. I have already started wrong. I correct myself. “Back in Moscow, I was the daughter of a dangerous man. A criminal. In Russian we would say Pahkan. I don’t know if there is an American translation.”

Erik frowns. “What are you saying? You’re saying he was a Mafia boss?”

“Yes. We would say vori v zakone or Bratva. He is a Bratva. Or he was. He was killed.”

Erik’s hands, which have been gently kneading the arches of my feet, pause while his frown deepens. “Man, are you for real? I thought this stuff was just in movies, you know?”

“I wish it was only in movies.”

“Sorry. Sorry. Keep going.” His hands start moving again and the knot of tension in my calves begins to ease.

“When he died, it was an opportunity for my brother. My father had guided him all his life to step into the role when he was dead. Assassinations are not all that unusual. The men accepted him for the most part. Before my father died, he had arranged for me to marry another vor. A man here in the United States who is very rich and powerful.”

Erik is quiet.

“That was Dmitri. The man who—” I break off.

Erik stiffens. “The man who hurt you? And your father and brother let that happen?”

I shrug. “I was going to be his property. And he wanted to teach me a lesson to obey him without question. ”

A low growl rumbles from Erik’s chest. “That’s not right. You’re not anyone’s property!”

“So I ran. I faked my death and created a new identity, and here I am.”

“Then Inessa isn’t your real name?”

I shake my head sadly. “No.”

“Oh.” He looks crestfallen. As if after everything I’ve revealed to him, this is the most difficult part of all.

“I wanted to tell you every time you called me Inessa. But I was too afraid.”

“What is it?” he asks softly.

I hesitate. But I need an ally. It could be a mistake, but I can see the wound already forming in his heart. “It’s Vera.”

“Vera.” He says it slowly, as if he’s tasting the word, trying it out. It sounds so thoughtful in his deep rumbly voice. But it doesn’t sound like I thought it would.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Say it again,” I tell him, not caring how silly that sounds.

Erik frowns. “Vera?”

I shake my head. “It sounds wrong. I spent so long thinking how it would sound for you to call me Vera, but you know, all I want is to leave that person behind. She’s not me anymore. I wish I really was Inessa.”

A strong, warm hand slides up my leg, sending ripples of pleasure through my body. “Then be Inessa. You can be whoever you want with me. I’ll keep you safe.”

I want to believe it.

I do believe it for a long time while he massages my feet and legs and tells me how lucky he feels to have me in his life. How he waited for so long.

I want to be the person I think of when I think about Inessa. Free. Strong. Loving. Kind.

Able to give my heart to this beautiful orc without worries, without the burden of my past.

When it’s time for bed, I shyly ask if he would like to sleep on the bed with me.

I expect him to initiate sex. To ask at least.

But all he does is slide under the covers beside me and roll over to prop himself on one elbow and smile at me. “I’m going to like waking up next to you. I might have to do it a few times in the night and roll over and look at you just to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

I laugh. His mind is so blissfully simple. Simple desires, simple pleasures.

I wish I could have a little bit of that.

“Well just don’t move your feet too suddenly. Snickers has taken to that side of the bed and I think she’ll be devastated if we make her move.”

At that very moment the little dog scrambles up onto the bed and pauses to stare at Erik. She looks comically between me and him, back and forth until she finally gives a little snort and curls up in a ball at his feet.

“You’re safe here,” Erik whispers as I experimentally snuggle backward into his hold.

It feels just as good as it did before, and I repeat his words in my head as a silent mantra, over and over until eventually I fall asleep.

I am safe here.

I can trust him.

Everything will be alright.