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Chapter thirty-six

Robbie

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with?” Naomi asks as we walk to her front door.

I shake my head. “No. Thank you, but I’m good. Besides, I don’t plan on this taking too long.”

The worry crease between her brows deepens as her gaze roams over my face. “How are you feeling about seeing your parents too? He kind of sprung that on you, didn’t he?”

“He did.” Nausea churns deep in my stomach at the reminder.

When Steven invited me over to his house to talk, he casually informed me that Mom and Dad would like to be there as well.

I compromised and agreed to talk to all of them as long as we met somewhere that was neutral ground.

The last thing I want to do is feel ambushed on his own turf.

“It’s alright, though. Honestly, seeing all three of them is the same as seeing only one at this point—I might as well get it all over with in one shot.”

She inches closer to step into my arms. Her chin rests against my chest with her head tilted up, and her arms wrap tightly around my waist.

“Are you nervous?” she asks quietly.

“A little,” I admit. The truth is, I’ve been nauseated and worked up about this meeting all day.

There’s an annoying cloud of dread that’s been following me around relentlessly—not nearly as overwhelming as the last time I was in a funk, but I’m definitely ready to have this conversation and be done with it.

“I’ve heard lip buzzes are really helpful,” she mutters, eyeing me playfully.

I snicker, cradling her head with both my hands while I bring my lips to hers. Her gentle kiss sends a soothing wave of comfort through my bones, easing some of the tension. When I pull back, I can’t resist placing a quick peck against her temple too.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I wink at her, twisting the door open behind me.

“Good luck,” she calls out as I make my way to the car.

The entire ride to the diner, I hold tight to the way I just felt when Naomi was in my arms, reminding myself why she’s worth going through with this in the first place. Why this conversation is necessary.

If I’m going to make a life with Naomi here, I don’t want to have this shadow hanging over me. I owe it to her and our relationship to at least hear them out.

Shifting the car into park, I roll my shoulders, do a few lip buzzes through a timid smile, and head inside the diner.

I find them already at a booth in the back corner as soon as I walk in. They’re early, just like I am. My legs feel like bricks and my shirt starts sticking to my body with an anxiety-induced sweat, but I push through, each step bringing me closer to them.

Mom and Dad are sitting on one side of the booth, and Steven sits on the other with an open space next to him, clearly for me.

Instead, I opt for grabbing a nearby chair from an empty table and settle it on the end of the booth.

Far enough away to put some distance between us yet still be a part of the group.

With a curt nod I make eye contact with all three of them, quickly studying faces I haven’t seen this close in many years. The expressions that peer back at me are laced with emotion, trepidation, and uneasiness, as I imagine mine looks as well.

“Hey, Robbie,” Steven says first. I give him my best smile with Naomi’s image in the back of my mind giving me strength. I can feel my parents’ stares like laser beams on me while I keep my gaze set on Steven.

“You wanted to talk?” I ask as nicely as I can muster.

“Yes. I’ll go first,” he says, folding his hands on top of the table. “But I’d like you to know, first and foremost, that this isn’t an interrogation. Or an ambush. It’s simply a conversation. A door cracking open, okay?”

“Alright,” is all I can say, my chest feeling tight with anticipation and something similar to dread.

“I want to apologize for my part in this rift.” His words—ones I never expected to hear—have me freezing in place. “I know I wasn’t the best older brother to you, and I have some major regrets about that.”

“Not that I think you were a perfect gentleman your whole life—”

“Steven,” Mom cuts him off, and the sound of her voice, although not directed at me, feels like a balm to my soul. I flick my gaze to her for only a moment before settling back on my brother.

“That’s irrelevant,” he admits with his palms up. “Again, I’m sorry.”

“Um, thank you,” I mumble, not entirely sure what to make of it all.

“I’ll go next, if that’s okay,” Mom cuts in.

I inhale a few breaths before locking eyes with her, and I immediately notice the sheen of emotion watering them, which makes my own sting in return.

I’ve wondered what this conversation would look like for so long now.

What she would say. How it would feel to hear her say it.

It’s surreal to finally be in it and it feels starkly more intense than I imagined it would.

“Robbie, I don’t blame you if you don’t want to speak to us for the rest of your life.” She wipes a tear that outlines her distorted face that struggles to hide the emotion she’s feeling. “But I need to say my piece, okay?”

I nod, prompting her to go on while I hold my breath—breathing normally is not an option.

“I didn’t realize until you left home how fractured our relationship was,” she admits. “Call me naive, call me blind…I was all of it. Stupid more than anything, I admit that. I was self-absorbed and a terrible mother.”

I swallow hard around the lump in my throat.

“All these years of no contact with you have opened our eyes to our parenting failures,” Dad cuts in. One quick glance at his expression makes it clear he’s regretful too.

“After you left…I didn’t know how to connect with you,” Mom continues. “I was terrified that I’d screwed up enough that you wouldn’t want to hear from me. So, I was never brave enough to call. And then, every time I heard you were back in town, it just…ripped me apart.”

“It’s true,” Steven cuts in. “It emotionally devastated her each time. Dad and I would try for days to get her to come out of bed, but by the time she did, you were always gone again.”

So that explains why I’d never run into her around town when I came home. I clear my throat, processing everything I’m hearing. It turns out they do know what the reason for my absence all these years has been. Not only that, but they’re acknowledging and apologizing for it.

Not exactly what I expected out of today.

Still…the wound runs deep, and I have a hard time digging up enough empathy to brush everything under the rug so quickly. I’m not capable of doing that.

“We never meant to make you feel like an outsider or not good enough,” Dad says. “But we’re aware now that’s exactly what we did.”

“And we’re sorry,” Mom squeaks out, wiping her face again with a sniffle.

Watching the tears that fall down her face makes my chest ache, and I’m grateful for everything they’ve said.

But agreeing to talk to them is one thing.

Forgiving them is another thing entirely—and not one I take lightly.

I need to follow Naomi’s lead and put myself first. Healing takes time.

I remind myself of the words I spoke to her not too long ago.

Their emotions are not my responsibility.

I can appreciate them and their efforts—forgive them, even—without feeling like I owe them something in return.

“I, uh…I heard what you’ve had to say. And I appreciate it,” I choke out through my own voice that’s become thick with emotion.

“I know you’re a grown man,” Mom says. “And you have every right to do what’s best for you…but maybe we could see you again?”

“I’d be open to it…but I need some time. This can’t be repaired fast. It has to be slow.”

She vehemently nods, seemingly willing to take whatever I’ll give. Fatigue presses heavily on my bones and I suddenly feel like I’ve had more than enough conversation for today.

“I’ll reach out when I’m ready to, okay?” I stand, sliding my chair back where it belongs. I hover by the booth, lingering there, not quite sure how to end a conversation like this.

“Take care, Robbie,” Dad says sincerely. I look all three of them square in the face one last time, memorizing everything about them and this entire conversation to process later.

“See you around.” I turn, walking out of the diner, feeling simultaneously heavy with exhaustion, yet also as if the largest weight has just been lifted off my chest.