Page 16 of Only You
He flinches, and I know I need to soften my tone, but I can’t let him think that. He has to know what happened to him was every bit as wrong as if that asshole would have penetrated his body.
“I’m so sorry, Remy,” I say and hold him close to me, fighting the urge to kiss his temple.
“I got lucky, Tatum.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, looking into his eyes.
“I thought I’d have to avoid him for two more weeks before he went back to school. I was determined to do it. I blamed myself for giving in to him in the first place, but I wouldn’t again. But it didn’t matter because the very next day, social services came in and removed us all from the house.”
I can’t hide my shock. “What happened?”
That shit never happens. I mean never. How many of us prayed for miracles like that?
“Apparently, a past foster kid had aged out and reported it. When they did the investigation, they had five other foster kids report the same thing happening with Ricky. The parents lost their license, and Ricky was arrested.”
“Good,” I say and hug him even closer to me, a little concerned I might be hugging him too tightly, but he doesn’t squirm away. “But it doesn’t make what did happen any less traumatic.”
“It could have been so much worse,” he says, wiping at his tears.
I turn and cup his face in my hands, using my thumbs to wipe away the wetness from his eyes. “Did you press charges?”
He shakes his head, and my hands go with the motion, never letting him go. “No. I just wanted to be done with it.” He tilts his head enough to look me directly in the eyes, my thumbs still brushing away his tears. “I was a coward. When they asked me if it had happened to me, I lied.”
“You’re not a coward,” I say with complete and total honesty.
“I let those other kids carry the burden. I lied, and then I escaped into my own head. I pushed you away. I kept my head down and graduated. I got out of there.”
“You were brave. You did what you needed to do to survive.”
He lets out another strangled cry, and more tears spill. “I’m so sorry, Tatum. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
I pull him into me now, wrapping my arms around him and holding onto him as he cries, letting out years and years of pain. I smooth my hand over his hair and whisper things into his ear about how strong and brave he is. How he’s okay. How he made it through.
How we’re okay. How happy I am that I found him again.
His cries start to slow just when the oven timer goes off. When he goes to get up off the couch, I stop him and go instead to remove the pasta from the oven, turn it off, and then go right back to him. He climbs into my lap and clings to me.
It’s heart-wrenching, but I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in the world. Knowing it’s exactly what we both need.
He starts to quiet, pulling back a little and wiping at his face.
Sniffling, he looks at me. “I wanted you to kiss me, Tatum, but I couldn’t let it happen.
I’m broken. Still to this day, I’m broken.
I set up rules because I don’t want to get close to anyone.
And you can’t tell me you’d want to stop at a kiss. ”
“No. I wouldn’t.” He swallows hard and nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I want so much more than kissing. I want you, Remy. I want a life with you. I want to go on dates and vacations. I want to live together and spend the rest of our lives together.”
His jaw actually drops, and it would be funny if the moment wasn’t so heavy because even though I didn’t mean to say all that, it doesn’t mean that I’m not totally serious. I want all of that.
“You aren’t even interested in men.”
“I’m not,” I confirm. “But I’m interested in you ,” I say honestly, my hand brushing his cheek gently. “Only you.”
His eyes close, and he looks pained. “I don’t date, Tatum. I didn’t leave hope or room in my heart for anything you just described. I told myself I wouldn’t get close to anyone again.”
“Look at me, Remy.” He doesn’t move for a moment, but then his eyes slowly open and lock on mine. “You know, deep down, I’d never hurt you. Maybe you were waiting for me too.”
“This is crazy,” he says, sniffling and wiping at his face, still in total shock. “We’re friends. You’re straight.”
I want more than anything to lean in and kiss him, to show him just how unbothered I am by that straight thing, but I won’t do that.
“I want to be more. If you don’t, that’s okay.
It really is. I’ll be your friend for the rest of our lives, no matter what.
But if you want to try for more, just know that’s what I want. I want to try.”
His eyes shift, searching mine. For what, I’m not sure. He looks like he’s looking for an impossible answer. “How do we try?”
A small smile tugs at my mouth, but I’m too afraid to get too excited just yet. “You agree to go out on a date with me.”
“A date?” he asks, looking slightly amused.
“Yes. A date. Officially.”
“It would be my first.”
“I’m happy to be your first,” I say, resisting, yet again, that urge to kiss his sweet lips. “I won’t kiss you until you ask me to, but know this, Remy,”—I lean in, whispering into his ear— “if that time comes, it’s going to be the best kiss of both our lives. And I can’t fucking wait.”
I feel his body shudder against mine as he lets out a shaky breath, his head slowly nodding.
“A date. Okay.”
It feels like a victory.
But the stakes are higher than ever, and I don’t know if I should be elated or terrified.
I’m pretty sure I’m both.