Page 45 of Only Lovers in the Building

I would crumble without you.

Somehow, I doubt it.

I’m crushed. We’ll sort this out later.

WHEN WILL WE SORT THIS OUT? AT THE DEPARTURE GATE?

“Baby, wake up.”

Lily turned to Ben’s voice and buried her nose in his throat. She breathed him in until her heart rate steadied.

He stroked her back. “You were talking in your sleep. Were you having a bad dream?”

“Yes.”

He gathered her close and whispered. “It’s okay. You’re here with me.”

For how long?

The summer was nearing its end. She would have to start planning her return trip soon. Though it killed her, she would not

raise this question with Ben. In so many ways, she’d inserted herself in his life. If he wanted her to stay, he would have

to ask.

“Hungry?” he asked. “I’ll make us breakfast.”

She nodded and reluctantly let him go. Then for the first time in weeks, she sat up and reached for her phone instead of her journal. Old habits were creeping back. She tried focusing on the day ahead. Ben was making coffee in the buff. That was promising.

Whenever they spent the night at her place, he brought over his coffeepot and made sure she was fully stocked on his favorite

brand of espresso. Slowly, her studio was taking on the qualities of his place. Books were stacked everywhere. Her kitchen

drawers were stuffed with individually wrapped plastic utensils and packets of sugar, ketchup, and soy sauce. He’d even left

a leatherbound notebook at her bedside to jot down his thoughts late at night. If this wasn’t the ideal setup, what was? Possibly

a one-bedroom apartment to hold all their stuff. A kitchen with more natural light and a better view from the window. Cookware

and proper utensils for when they eventually eased up on food delivery. There would be room for a large desk or two desks

side by side, one with his laptop, the other with her high-resolution monitor. A custom-designed bookcase to hold her books

and his impressive collection. Plants, plants, and more plants. Maybe they’d adopt a pet, a little dog to take for long walks

on the beach.

All these things were simple enough. Lily wasn’t asking for the world on a platter, or the moon or stars that might fall out

of reach. She wanted what they had with a stamp of permanence. She wanted the aroma of his coffee to fill her home. For that,

she would give up her bodega order in a second. Simply, she wanted a life that glowed with his love. Walking away from this

was the nightmare she could not wake up from.

Her phone buzzed with a FaceTime request from her brother.

Lily did not feel the urge to run across the hall as she did whenever the people from the real world intruded in this new one she and Ben had created.

For one thing, there was no place to run to: they were already in her apartment. Besides, it was only Patrick.

“Heads up!” she called out to Ben. “I’m hopping on a video call with my brother.”

“Should I throw on clothes?” he asked.

“Nope! I like you just the way you are. Just stay out of frame.”

Ben winked and slipped on headphones. Each morning, he listened to a literary podcast hosted by the New York Times. Knowing this about him made her love him even more.

She adjusted her pajama top and accepted the call. “Hello, Dr. P!”

Patrick favored their father. He was handsome in a nerdy way and practically lived in a white coat and tie. It was odd to

see him dressed casually in a faded T-shirt, seemingly lounging at home, even on a Saturday morning.

“Wow!” he exclaimed. “You look great. That Miami glow up is unreal.”

“Four out of five doctors recommend it.”

“Good to know. I may try that someday... Hold on just a sec. I’ll get our parents on the call.”

“Why would you do that?” she cried.

He gave her a quizzical look. “Didn’t you get my text?”

“What text?”

“Last night. I sent you a heads-up.”

“Heads-up for what?” she asked.

If this was an intervention, there was no need. Her Miami sojourn was ending soon.

“Lily, take a breath,” Patrick said. “You’re freaking out for no good reason. This is not about you. It’s just a family call.”

Without any further warning, he added their parents. There they were, sharing a square box on the lower corner of her phone’s

screen. Her father’s widow’s peak more obvious than ever. Her mother’s face arranged in a scowl.

“There she is!” her mother exclaimed. “I thought my daughter was dead or kidnapped. But no, she’s alive and well in Miami. She knows how to use a phone, too. She just chooses not to. Now that I’ve seen your face, and I know that you’re well, I will not say another word.”

Lily darted a glance Patrick’s way. Tell me again how this isn’t about me!

“She’s on vacation,” Patrick intervened. “You’re familiar with the idea, right? They’re not just for the top one percent.

Common people like us take time off every day.”

Lily nodded approvingly. The least her brother could do was defend her.

“We have nothing against vacations,” her father said. “Your mother and I are planning a cruise next month. But Lily is no

longer in college, she’s a professional. There’s no summer break.”

Her mother broke her vow of silence. “What your sister has done is relocate to another state without a word to anyone.”

“It’s only temporary, Mom!” Lily scoffed. “And I called you many times. You never answered.”

“You called twice,” her mother said icily.

“And you quit your job!” her father exclaimed. “Your name is no longer on the company website.”

Lily didn’t bother denying it. Deep inside, she was thrilled to no longer be associated with such a life-drainer. Her days

were far more exciting now.

“Always another story!” her mother lamented. “We don’t know who you are anymore.”

“Who I am is an adult,” Lily asserted. “If I want to unplug in Miami for a while, that’s my prerogative. I’m not hurting anyone.

I can afford it. It’s not on your dime.”

“This is not about money,” her father insisted.

“And this is not about Lily, either,” Patrick cut in coldly. “I called this meeting, remember? If you can believe it, I’ve

got stuff going on that I’d like to discuss.”

They all fell silent.

“I’m moving back to the city,” he announced. “I’ve been offered a position at New York-Presbyterian.”

That wonderful bit of news had the bonus of getting Lily’s parents off her back. She cheered with exceeding enthusiasm. “Yay,

Patrick!”

“Congratulations, son!”

“That is a fine hospital!”

This was the sort of career move that made sense to their parents. They could tell their circle that their son, the doctor,

was now at Presbyterian. Their friends would nod appreciatively and recount the surgeries and procedures they’d all had done

there.

“It will be so nice to have you and Coco close,” Mom said. “Sunday dinners have been so lonely lately.”

“Coco is not relocating with me,” Patrick said evenly.

“What does that mean?” Mom asked.

“It means I’m heading back to New York, and Coco is staying here in Virginia.”

Lily came close to dropping her phone. Patrick and Coco had been together for ages. “Are you breaking up?” she asked.

“Yes, we are,” he replied in a detached, clinical voice that Lily didn’t care for.

Was this the voice he used to break bad news to the parents of the children in his care? Or was he hurting and masking his

hurt with indifference? Had Patrick always been like this? Unable to acknowledge his failures and weaknesses? He’d only gather

their family to announce impressive news, a new job or promotion. Or was this just how men were, taking breakups in stride?

Their parents hadn’t noticed the change in Patrick.

Her father focused on the job, sharing that the hospital was ranked number one in the state.

Her mother casually mentioned that she approved of the breakup.

“What grown woman goes by the name Coco?” she asked.

“She’s not an actress. She’s a pharmacist! ”

“Please, Mom,” Lily said, while texting Patrick privately.

LL: Stay on the call. Let’s talk after this.

PL: Sure thing. I’ll wrap this up. I have something to ask you, anyway.

Once the meeting was adjourned and their parents were off the call, Patrick got straight to it. “I wondered if I could crash

at your place, since you’re not there. That would go a long way to make the move easier.”

Playing musical chairs with apartments to facilitate big life moves was the theme of the week.

“I’ll be home soon,” Lily forced herself to say. “But you can always crash with me. We’ll make it work.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t want to cramp your style. Are you seeing anyone?”

“That won’t be a problem,” she said hurriedly. “What’s really going on with you and Coco? You’ve been together, like, six

years, right?”

“Seven,” he said. “It’s over now. She moved out a couple months ago.”

“Months ago!” she exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“When do I ever say anything?” Patrick replied. “That’s not how I roll.”

“Consider rolling in a new direction, please. You can’t keep everything bottled up.”

“You’re my kid sister,” he said. “I’m not coming to you with grown-folks’ problems.”

“I’m not ten anymore, and you’re not that much older than me.”

When she was ten, and Patrick fifteen, the difference in age was staggering. There was nothing they could agree on, no new

toy they could share or movie they could happily watch together. She was a bratty kid then, and he was a brainy teen. Now

they were adults. There was no reason they couldn’t talk.

Patrick sighed. “There’s not much to say. Something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. One day, she packed up and moved

out. I think someone else was in the picture, but let’s not go there. All I want is to put this whole thing behind me.”

Lily wasn’t too surprised. She’d always found Coco to be rather cold. “Okay,” she said. “Look out, New York! Pat is single

and ready to mingle!”

“Shut up.”

“On a serious note, is that why you’re moving back? To put distance between you and your ex? I assure you, there’s enough

room in the state of Virginia for the both of you.”

“It’s a good move, careerwise,” he said. “Besides, I miss the city. I’ll get to reconnect with my friends, and I’ll be closer

to the family hub, Sunday dinners, and all that. You’ve shouldered the burden a while. What I’m saying is take your time.

You deserve a break.”

Lily swallowed past the lump in her throat. “You’re just saying that because you want my apartment.”

Patrick chuckled. “That’s true.”

Lily did not dare look up from the phone screen. She was aware that Ben was stealing glances at her. She could feel his gaze

sweep over her then move away. What had he made of her family drama? Though she’d told him all about her parents, their overprotectiveness

and limited worldview, this would be the first time he’d witnessed them in action. Today, they’d been in rare form.

Before saying goodbye to Patrick, she encouraged him to use their mother’s spare key to move his stuff into her apartment whenever he liked.

“Thanks, sis,” he said.

“Sure thing. See you soon.”