Page 183 of Only for Him

“Together,” I whisper, because it’s easier and still true.

He speeds up as we hit the bridge. The East River is a black slash below us, current churning with old secrets. The city’s lights try to make it beautiful, but nothing could ever make this place gentle.

I check the mirror. No tails, no threats. For now.

“Roman, I?—”

I want to say it, now. Because there might not be a later.

Serena was brave with this sort of thing. She usedlovelike it cost nothing.

What has all this been for, if not to live a life she’d be happy about?

She’d want me to, and I want to do it for her.

But I can’t.

You can interrogate suspects in a basement then murder them, but you can’t say three measly little words to the man who stood beside you every time? Weird.

When Roman looks back at me, I see the same battle playing out in his eyes. For a second I see the boy he must have been, before the world broke him.

I want to reach back in time and pull him away from everything that ever hurt. Even if it means he never meets me.

If he gets to live, really live, I’d let him go.

And if that isn’t love…

“I want to know if you had a plan,” I say, swallowing the confession. “Rather than just, you know, kill him dead then kill him again to make sure.”

Roman glances at me from the corner of his eyes, giving a small laugh.

“Pavel won’t have much security with him,” he says. “And he has a thing for knives, so–”

I can’t help it and I snort, unable to stop my eyebrow from quirking up.

“What?” Roman says.

“Nothing,” I shrug. “Just, I happen to remember you using a knife for somethingveryoff-label.”

“And I remember you loving it,” he growls.

He got me there. That night stands out in bold relief: the visceral heat of being chased, the orgasms that crashed down over and over until I passed out. I blush and squeeze my thighs together.

“It’ll probably come down to me and him,” he says, voice trailing off. “Which is how I want it, little viper. Do you understand? I need to be the one who kills Pavel.”

I chew my lip, annoyed. Don’t I have just as much reason to want Pavel dead as Roman? Russo was involved, yes, but it was Pavel calling the shots. Serena’s death is, ultimately, Pavel’s doing.

But Roman has been pursuing this moment for fifteen years. And hewatchedPavel rape and murder Anastasia.

“Promise me, you’ll let me. No matter what happens.”

No matter what happens.

Because anything could.

I shouldn’t make this promise. I know I won’t keep it. If it’s his life or my word, I’ll choose him every time.

But if I can’t say what I feel, I can still give him this.