Page 23 of One Week in Paradise

There are a million and one things I want to say to Cash right now, but the only thing that comes out is, ‘You look amazing .’

We’re about to head to The Blue Mahoe for our candlelit dinner on the beach.

Cash grins at me and gives me a small twirl.

He’s wearing an olive linen suit that complements his skin tone magnificently.

His hair is free from the messy bun he’s pulled it in for most of the week, and it falls across his face in soft, luscious-looking waves.

He looks like he’s just stepped from the pages of a glossy magazine.

‘Then we match,’ he says kindly. ‘Because you look beautiful.’

‘Thank you.’ I’m wearing a fitted black dress with an open back. It hugs my curves in all the right places, and I take a tiny bit of pleasure in the glimpse of heat I see behind his eyes as he checks me out.

Maybe all isn’t lost.

‘Do you want to take a photo?’ I ask.

‘Sure.’ He reaches his hand out to take my phone, but I shake my head.

‘No, not of me .’ I take a step towards him, ignoring the thudding sensation in my chest. ‘Together. Do you want to take a photo of us together?’

His eyes widen a fraction. We’ve taken plenty of photos together throughout the trip, but they’ve mostly been in front of the others.

Part of the facade of our loving relationship.

Cash suggested the photo we took at Jeanie’s Juices, but this is the first time I’ve asked for a photo when it’s just been the two of us.

I would give anything to be able to hear the marathon of thoughts currently racing through his mind as he stares at me. There’s a conflict raging behind his eyes, and I wonder which way he’s going to land.

I take another step forwards, making my intentions known.

We only have two days left in Jamaica, and I’m going to push for this.

I’m going to push for us.

‘Cash?’

‘Sure.’ His voice sounds like sandpaper. ‘How – How do you want me?’

On the bed, laid out in front of me, my thighs wrapped around your waist.

Instead, I say, ‘Over here is fine.’

I place my phone on the coffee table and set a timer on the camera app. I pull Cash towards the sliding doors, where the backdrop of the Jamaican sunset is casting our suite and the surroundings outside in an ethereal glow.

He slides an arm around my waist, and I press my hand against his chest. I can feel his heartbeat pumping against my palm.

‘It’ll take a few,’ I tell him.

He nods, and we pose as my phone fires off a rapid burst of photos. His hand squeezes my waist, and I look up at him. He’s looking down at me, that recognisable fire in his eyes.

He wants this. I know he does. Why is he depriving himself?

‘Bailey,’ he whispers, and why have I never noticed just how good my name sounds coming from him?

I tilt my head up, eyes fluttering shut. Go on , I silently urge. Do it. Kiss me .

He doesn’t.

The sound of my camera shutter stops abruptly, plunging us into silence.

He takes a step away from me, his hand dropping from my waist as he turns away. ‘We should go. Don’t want to be late for dinner.’

‘Right,’ I say. The rejection chokes in my throat. ‘Let’s go.’

Penelope leads our group out to the back of The Blue Mahoe, where the doors open out to the beach.

We turn a corner and see a secluded area with four small gazebos, each a short distance away from the nearest one, providing an air of privacy.

The gazebos are covered with soft, billowing white curtains with a floral pattern across them.

Beneath each gazebo is a small table and two comfortable-looking chairs.

There’s a candle on each table, illuminating the scene.

‘Please, have a seat!’ Penelope says to us all with a wide grin. ‘Dinner will be served shortly.’

Cash wordlessly holds out his hand to help me navigate the sand in my heels. Things may be awkward between us currently, but he’s still a gentleman. I grip his forearm to steady myself as we walk towards our gazebo.

Irritatingly, Lacey and Danny are seated in the gazebo closest to ours. I’ve managed to avoid her for the most part ever since that day by the pool, but she catches my eye as we all hobble across the sand.

‘Careful, Bea,’ she calls with a sneer. ‘The sand is really uneven. You don’t want Bailey to trip and steal your man.’

Anger crashes down on me like waves against the shore. I choke down the venom-laced words I desperately want to hurl back at her and force myself to keep looking forward. I don’t even glance back to see how the others have reacted. I won’t give her the attention she wants.

‘What is her problem?’ Cash murmurs. It’s the first thing he’s said directly to me since we left the suite. His grip on my hand tightens slightly. It’s a small comfort.

‘Ignore her,’ I say. ‘Just ignore her.’

Cash makes an irritated sound but doesn’t say anything else. He leads me to our gazebo and pulls my chair out. I drop it into it and realise, with a twinge of annoyance, that I can see Lacey perfectly from here.

She raises a perfectly plucked brow at me, then turns to Danny and says, ‘I just don’t think I’d ever be able to trust a cheater.

’ She’s acting like she’s only talking to him, and they’re resuming a conversation they’ve already begun, but her voice is loud enough to carry over the waves and reach the others in their gazebos.

She’s goading me, and Cash can tell too.

‘Can you stop ?’ Cash says sharply, raising his voice, so there’s no mistaking who he’s talking to.

Danny shifts in his seat and fixes Cash with a stern look. ‘You watch how you talk to my lady.’

‘It’s fine ,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

Cash shoots both Lacey and Danny a withering glare before he turns his attention back to me. ‘It’s clearly not fine.’

I’m saved from having to respond as a waiter approaches to pour wine into our glasses and recite tonight’s menu.

‘Chef Pépin has three phenomenal mains on offer tonight. Traditional Jamaican curry goat; rum glazed pork tenderloin; or lobster sautéed in coconut milk.’

They all sound delicious, but there’s a knot of anxiety forming in my stomach that’s rapidly erasing any appetite I may have had. I opt for lobster, and Cash goes for the curry goat. The waiter gives us a polite nod and then disappears back into the restaurant to fulfil our order.

Once he’s gone, the silence between us seems to stretch on for an eternity.

It doesn’t help that all around us, I can hear Bea and Marcus giggling softly or that I can see Meera and Sara staring lovingly into each other’s eyes.

Even Lacey and Danny look happy, a picture of perfection as Lacey snaps photos and videos of the waves crashing onto the beach.

When the waiter comes back with our dishes, we’ve still not said a word.

My heart hurts as I watch him slice into his meal, deliberately avoiding making any eye contact with me.

‘How is it?’ I ask quietly. My voice is wobbly, and I realise I’m on the verge of tears.

‘It’s great,’ he mumbles, still not looking up from his plate. ‘And yours?’

‘ Cash .’

There must be something in my voice because, this time, he looks up. His eyes are dark and haunted.

‘Talk to me,’ I plead. ‘I don’t want to… I don’t want to lose you. Not like this.’

‘I’m not going anywhere.’

‘You know what I mean.’

Lacey’s high-pitched laughter trills over to us, and I feel myself stiffen at the sound.

Cash puts his knife and fork down and pins me down with a sharp look. ‘What’s going on with you two?’

‘Nothing,’ I lie.

‘I’m not an idiot, Bailey,’ he says.

‘I didn’t say you were.’

‘You’re treating me like I am one.’

‘And you’re treating me like I’m nothing .’ I spit the last word out like it’s acid on my tongue. ‘How do you think that makes me feel?’

‘You could never be nothing to me,’ Cash says quietly.

‘Let’s be honest with each other,’ I say.

Cash leans back in his chair, runs a hand down his face, and groans. Then he looks me square in the eye and says, ‘You first.’

‘I—’ I pause and swallow. He’s right. I’ve not been honest with him. I’ve been withholding so much out of fear. But we’ve reached the tipping point now, and I know what I need to do.

‘I went back to him,’ I say as quickly as I can, desperate to get the words out before I change my mind.

‘Ethan. I went back to Ethan. Even after I found out about his girlfriend, I still went back to him. I wanted him to choose me .’ My breath comes out in ragged gulps, and my vision blurs with tears.

I can’t believe I’m telling him this. ‘I wanted him to apologise and to say I was the one he really wanted.’

Cash slides a napkin across the table, and I dab it against my eyes.

‘You know, he didn’t defend me even once.

He just sat there and let her throw wine over me and hurl abuse at me.

He let me take all the blame when none of it was my fault.

And even after everything he put me through, I still wanted him.

I went to his house and tried to get him to take me back.

Can you believe that?’ Now I have started talking, I can’t stop.

The words pour from my mouth without reprieve.

‘And how could I not know that he was cheating on me for two years? The signs were all there. I think I did know, subconsciously. I just didn’t want to admit it because I’m what?

So desperate for love that I’ll look the other way just to be in a relationship? With someone like him . I’m pathetic .’

‘You’re not pathetic, Bailey.’

‘But I am . Lacey can see it. Everyone online can see it. Why can’t you ?’ The tears are falling freely now – napkin be damned. ‘You talk about me like I’m this… this perfect being, when I’m not. I’m a mess. A pathetic mess. Why can’t you see that?’

‘You’re not a mess,’ Cash says quietly. He reaches across the table and gives my hand a squeeze.

‘And Ethan was – is – an asshole. He didn’t deserve you, and you’re not any less of a person for wanting to be loved.

You deserve someone who’s going to love you without you having to fight for it.

You deserve someone who’s going to make you their priority. ’

‘I don’t deserve someone like that.’

‘Why not?’

The question hangs between us like a weight.

When I don’t respond, Cash pushes me. ‘Why not, Bailey? Tell me why you don’t deserve that?’

I open my mouth, an answer on the tip of my tongue, but nothing comes out. I don’t know how to articulate this maelstrom of thoughts that have been swirling in my mind ever since I found out about Ethan and his girlfriend.

How can I explain to him that Ethan has single-handedly shattered every smidgen of confidence in myself I ever possessed? That I look in the mirror and see a pathetic, desperate husk of my former self blinking back at me?

Cash squeezes my hand to get my attention. ‘You do deserve it, Bailey. And I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives if that’s what it takes for you to never feel like this again.’

My breath hitches in my throat. ‘For the rest of our—’

‘Bailey, I fucking love you,’ Cash says, the words spilling out of his mouth like they’ve been waiting on the tip of his tongue for too long. ‘I love you, and I want to show you the kind of love you deserve. If you’ll let me.’

I blink at him. ‘No, you don’t.’

‘I do,’ he says simply. ‘I’ve loved you since we were teenagers.’

‘ Why ?’ I croak.

‘Why not? I keep telling you, you’re amazing. You’re beautiful, smart, driven, kind. You make me feel like a better person just being in the same room as you.’

The world is spinning around me. Cash loves me.

Cash loves me.

Cash loves me .

‘But you didn’t even like me until this trip,’ I protest. I can’t wrap my head around it. Cash is attracted to me. Yes, that’s obvious. But love?

Love?

He grimaces and looks down for a moment. ‘I never thought we’d ever have a chance to be together, so I kept you at a distance. I thought that would help dull my feelings a little bit, but it never worked. That dinner at your parents’ house the week before we flew out?’

I remember it well, particularly how irritated he seemed to be with my presence.

‘That was my own personal hell,’ he admits with a wry grin. ‘Seeing you like that, because of Ethan of all people—’ He shakes his head. ‘I wanted to jump across the table, pull you into my arms and never let go. I wanted to tell you then and there that someone like him doesn’t deserve your tears.’

‘Cash, I—’

‘I don’t need you to say it back to me, Bailey. I know you don’t love me and that this is just a holiday fling for you, but for me, it’s not.’

‘Is that why you got so quiet yesterday?’ I ask, remembering how the mood had changed so abruptly between us when I suggested heading back to the suite. ‘And why you didn’t want to continue with anything that first night?’

He nods. ‘I thought that maybe you were falling for me too. But then I realised it was just sex for you. I thought that I could handle it and that I’d just be grateful to have this time with you. But I can’t do it. Not without you knowing how I feel.’

‘It’s not just the sex for me,’ I whisper.

His eyes widen, and he swallows thickly.

‘I thought it was after that first night. That you were just an itch I needed to scratch. But it’s not.

There’s something here between us.’ I place my free hand over his and give it a small squeeze.

‘I feel it. It might not be love yet for me, but—’ I inhale deeply and force myself to meet his gaze. ‘I want us to get there.’

Pure happiness blooms across his face. ‘We’ll get there.’ He says it like it’s an immutable fact. Like there’s no doubt in his mind that one day – one day soon – I’ll have caught up with him, and we’ll both be wildly in love with the other.

I nod in agreement. ‘We will.’

‘I will never hurt you, Bailey,’ he says. ‘Not like Ethan. Not like anyone. You can trust me. Let me in. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Let me show you how love should feel.’

I take a deep breath and offer him a watery smile. ‘Okay.’