Page 40

So many questions plagued my mind. Where is Ilya? How will we stop the trafficking? Did I make the right choice? Have I doomed us all?

I leaned on the balcony rail, staring up at the sky. The clear January night stretched above us. I took a moment to find the brightest star and wondered what it was like to look down from the opposite side.

I never got closure.

There was no body to bury, no grave to visit. Whether I believed in the afterlife was irrelevant. Somewhere out there, she remained, in heaven, hell, or just an empty void.

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” I whispered to the stars.

A heavy breath escaped me. The traditions weren’t the same without them. Without her.

None of what I had done would make her proud. She warned me about this lifestyle, dedicating her life to protecting me, only to lose it in the process. When I looked back, the reasons were clear as day. Why she couldn’t be here, why she did it all.

There would always be anger within me at what we lost. I liked to think her opinion would change. Despite the life we led, love surrounded me more than I’d ever known. Good people who protected me and lifted me at my lowest.

After all, that’s all she wanted: for me to live how I wanted to, the way I deserved to.

With the secrets spilled, I no longer carried the guilt. I lost the need to hide.

I was who I was, largely thanks to her.

Yet, it hit me heavily that the wrong hadn’t been corrected in her case.

Another mission to find out who was after us eleven years ago and make them meet the same fate.

Until then, I’ll keep her in my memory. Their legacy continues in me.

The aftermath of today’s mission still lingered in the tightness of my muscles. I could vividly remember the warm blood dripping down my face, despite the liquid being long gone down the drain.

I wasn’t the one to deliver, to finish what I started in the first place, as I intended when I set down this path. The thought was hard to shake.

Inside, the rest of the party continued without me. Observing them from a distance, I caught a rare glimpse of Enzo. It was about time the real him came out to play. After all, this is what it was all about: being a part of a group. Being loved for who you were, not who you were meant to be.

Surnames, positions, genders, nationalities. None of those made us a family.

Dancing with the Galkins in a drunken haze, he showed off his signature dance move to Luka. In the quiet of the night, standing in the crisp January air, I burst out laughing .

The sound carried on the wind and got his attention. Oops. Rushed steps sounded in my direction, and the man came to a halt in front of me. The tips of our shoes briefly touched when he threw me over his shoulder, carrying me to the makeshift dance floor.

In the circle, surrounded by all these people, I let my guard down again and threw my hands in the air. We danced, laughed, and goofed around for hours. Buzzed off Alisa’s eggnog, we were all determined to last the night.

After finishing her shift at the hospital, Mila, Andrei’s wife, returned home.

We were all too excited to see her, but her husband immediately whisked her away, and the two vanished for the night.

At midnight, the eggnog disappeared, replaced by bottles of the same brand of vodka.

Ravager, as I now called him, remained seated on the couch, confusion written across his familiar features.

Imagine my surprise when the man I was dead set on killing alongside Malek turned out to be a ghost from the past. His presence was perhaps the biggest shock of the night. To find out that he and Maxim served together not long before we met? Mind-blowing.

For a spare moment, I considered a bigger game at play. Thankfully, the pure fury on Maxim’s face cleared me of any doubt. Regardless of our past relations, I was wary of Ravager. The name he used deserved an eye roll of its own. A double roll at the laugh the fates were having at my expense.

The past, the present, the future all under one roof. I knew how to pick ‘em.

His eyes followed me across the room, silently requesting a private moment. I wasn’t ready for that conversation. If today taught me anything, it was that things had a way of working themselves out with time, space, and a sprinkle of luck.

For now, I would let him tag along .

When my legs felt like giving out from all the dancing and action, I staged a bathroom break. Maxim’s absence didn’t escape me upon my return.

We desperately needed a moment alone, a chance to talk.

The last door on the left, in the upstairs portion of the Galkin residence, revealed the man I was desperate to locate. He casually sat on the ground, his back resting against the massive bed.

He was aware of my presence but remained staring ahead, even when I slid down next to him. Heat radiated off him in waves. His stomach expanded with each inhale before shrinking back to the formation of muscles I remembered.

Wide shoulders cast a shadow over the room. Tempted by the image and fueled by a handful of memories, I dug my fingers into the plush carpet beneath us.

This damn brain was forcing me to relive the last time whenever he was around, no matter the seriousness of the situation. What it felt like to unravel under his touch.

I craved his touch. Even more, I missed his presence.

There was something oddly intimate about seeing a man shirtless with bare feet. Or maybe it was just him.

A primal urge awoke within me. To possess. To own. At that very moment, I wished for nothing more than to be the only one to see him like this. Lock the door and keep him behind it. Allow him to be every version of himself he wished to be in my presence.

I wanted to be his safe space.

The fire reflected off his strong features, matching the inferno brewing within me. I wished to be the ember that lights his fire. To let the flame rage and burn within us both.

The green in his eyes stunned me every time. I let them pull me in and hold me hostage while I used the moment to decode whatever was going on inside him .

As eager as I was to add to the memories, something was wrong.

Maxim appeared relaxed, except for the iron grip on a bloodied shirt scrunched up in his left hand.

From the angle I sat, it would’ve been easy to miss the item: a long-sleeved piece I wore earlier tonight.

The same one I’d stuffed into the bathroom garbage, disposing of it before I took that never-ending nightmare of a shower.

Surprise filled me at the sight, but I gave him time. Long moments passed.

We just sat there.

A moment longer and I would’ve resorted to shaking it out of him, so I spoke instead. “Is this the part where you shout at me for being reckless?”

A somber voice answered. “No.”

I grasped the true meaning of the word. Maxim wasn’t one to restrict me, and while I might have pretended to be many things in life, not with him. Never with him.

Taking a deep breath, I reached for his chin, letting him see the appreciation firsthand. Hear the sincerity in my words. “Thank you.” He remained still, hanging on to my words when I added, “For today.”

Since the moment the two of us met, he had been there. For me, for his family, even for Enzo. And that was what I needed. I didn’t need anybody to speak for me, to deliver the threats, or to carry out hard tasks. I just needed them to be present. I needed him present.

A familiar smile curled Maxim’s mouth. “You don’t want to chew my head off anymore?”

A sigh of relief left me. The humor hadn’t escaped him. With everything going on, he was more than entitled to a sober moment. Still, the second his playful smile reappeared, I relaxed.

“I considered it for a minute,” I shrugged playfully. “But I think I like it where it is,” I threw him a grin, “for now.”

We remained frozen in the moment, our heavy breaths in sync.

It wasn’t the years between us that caused me to hesitate. Not at all .

Rather, it was the unknown waters I was swimming in.

I wanted him. Needed him in a capacity I’d never been familiar with before. Even knowing that, I held back, self-aware of my inexperience. Sex came as naturally to me as breathing. Feelings, on the other hand, were a different story. Despite being in my twenties, relationships were

new to me.

If we were to do this, assuming he felt the same way, I wanted to do it right. Something deep within me whispered a promise of a future. That meant I had to open up to him.

I abandoned all fears and admitted, “I don’t know how to do this.”

The fireplace held our gazes as we braced for the turning point of this conversation.

Maxim inhaled deeply and, on the exhale, asked, “Do what?”

A somewhat bitter laugh escaped me. “Rely on somebody. For starters.”

“You managed today,” he pointed out.

I did.

Before I unraveled the thoughts of the day, I turned to him. “What are we?”

I should have felt exposed, yet I didn’t. Laying it all out there for this man felt… liberating. Safe. Intimate.

He leaned in, holding my chin between his fingers. “We can be whatever you want us to be.”

With a raised eyebrow, I studied him, wondering about the possibilities.

“You know why?” Maxim breathed the question in a steady exhale.

Taking the bait, I asked, “Why?”

The truth reflected in his eyes. “Because I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”

I swallowed hard. “What if I don’t have enough to give?”

His eyes called my bullshit. A ghost of a smile touched his lips before he dragged out a prolonged, “Hmmm,” trailing his thumb across my bottom lip. “What if you have everything? ”

A breathy laugh escaped me, whether it was at this situation or at him being all serious and proper, I couldn’t tell.

“If there’s anyone in this hell of a world who can handle me, it’s you,” I breathed out, barely a whisper, but it was enough.

The tips of his fingers dug into the back of my skull. Cold metal rings scraped my skin.

Maxim held my head still, but inside, a windstorm raged.

His hypnotic eyes hid a future within them. Short or endless, it was full of possibilities.

Another promise was in order. To me, but to him first.

“Till that day comes.”

A groan escaped him as he licked his lips seductively. “For it never will.”

He brought my head to him, claiming my lips with a passion that threatened to destroy the remains of my reinforced heart.

A first.

First kiss.

First deepest desire.

First love.

I was desperate to give him all the firsts I had left, for there were many. This little thing inside me? It had never beaten for anyone. What an unfamiliar feeling to have it now beat for someone. A selected few. And there he sat. At the top. A king seated on a throne covered in smoke.

A staircase paved with sin and blood led him up, but he didn’t let the darkness stop him from claiming the spot. Maxim scaled it step by step with every action. I gave him each heartbeat, without even knowing I had something left to give.

But luckily, unlike in our world, he will remain seated. Unchallenged. With no posing threat and no one to take over his position for as long as the throne exists. And in his lap, I will remain. Through all that we have ahead. For I, too, somehow made it up the steps .

As Maxim deepened the kiss, his tongue traced the edge of my lips, demanding entry. I obeyed. Let him take control. Take it all and leave me panting.

The sadistic part of me wanted to come out and play: bite, tease, or delay. Something prevented me. The moment felt far too important. We stood at a turning point, and I was ready to jump into the depths.

Arousal, mixed with desire, filled me in delicious doses, and when I thought of the man I had chosen in my heart, I saw them all.

The mobster. A brother.

The killer. A protector.

The psycho. A son.

The monster. A partner.

Growing up, my mother never warned me about the monsters under my bed. She knew they were out there, awaiting their moment.

This monster?

I openly invited him into bed to play with a kind I harbored within me, for one didn’t exist without the other. There wasn’t a single moment, not once, had he shown me something not worth loving. I was ready to accept them all.

The future was sealed when his lips crushed mine, and when he pulled away, breathless, to look me in the eye, I smiled brighter than I ever knew possible.