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“It’s life. We make do with what we have.”

“You are so badass. My brothers only told me a little about what you do. As if I wasn’t impressed already.”

Not sure how to take the compliment, I turned to her instead. “How are you so positive all the time?”

A silent smile lingered on her face. While that didn’t answer my question, it warmed me from the inside, knowing that despite the darkness and the ugly, some among us still saw the good this world offered .

Gaze focused on the horizon, Alisa followed up with an unexpected question. “Have you ever been in love?”

The smooth taste of the red wine turned bitter on my tongue.

Love? The word didn’t sit right on my tongue, no matter how often I spelled it out. I was so estranged from the feeling, I couldn’t see the beauty others swore by. I didn’t even understand what it meant.

I let men and women possess this body, toss it around as they pleased.

They dug their fingers into me, but none reached the heart. The organ hid behind a wall of doubts so tall, there wasn’t a weapon strong enough to breach it.

When I regained my composure, I choked out the truth. “No. I can’t say I have. You?”

“Never.” Sorrow reflected in her green eyes. “Do you believe it’s possible?”

“To find love?”

Alisa nibbled on her bottom lip. “To find love in this world,” she clarified. “And I mean true love. With devotion. A happy ending.”

“It’s not an option for me,” I murmured. “Are you looking?”

“I was,” she admitted, deep in thought. “Maybe I still am. Being a hopeless romantic, it’s not enough to be loved.

I want to be worshiped and admired. I want to become someone’s reason for existence.

The center of their universe, and they will be mine.

” Alisa’s eyes lit up even more, the green orbs highlighted by the sunlight.

Her definition felt straight out of a movie, but the one she was cast in didn’t seem to follow the same script.

“Can Ilya give you that?” I voiced my doubts.

She visibly stiffened at my words. A part of me felt bad for mixing in reality, but I only pointed out the obvious.

While an arranged marriage was as new to me as any marriage, it wasn’t hard to see there was no love between them.

At least not yet. I’m not sure even ‘like’ could describe what they had .

Her beautiful face turned sad. “It’s a fantasy,” she shrugged. “Perhaps I’ll look forever.”

“You shouldn’t,” I encouraged her.

“I made my choices.” She exhaled a steady breath. “Do you at least believe in destiny?”

Hope displayed on her face before I disappointed her with a shake of my head. “I consider myself a realist.”

“Well, I believe there is something or someone out there for both of us.”

Twisting the wine glass between my fingers, I followed the movement of the red liquid instead. “Tell me more about your brothers.”

“Andrei is married now. His wife Mila is the daughter of a prominent Russian family. That’s probably the only reason my parents approved of the relationship. She works as a trauma surgeon. They’ve been together for what feels like forever.”

Forever, another concept I couldn’t get behind.

“They finally tied the knot two years ago. Technically, he’s the head of our family now, since my parents stepped down.

Maxim was the middle child for a while, and it shows.

He’s the one I’m closest to. Don’t tell him I said that, but I worry about him.

And then there’s Luka, still finding his way,” she exhaled, a range of emotions flickering across her face, from love to worry and everything in between.

I often wondered what it was like to grow up in a big family. To have siblings, and while I’ll never find out, I was thankful for what I had.

“Are your other brothers taken?” I followed up with another question.

“As if.” Alisa rolled her eyes. Before I had a chance to react, she sat up straight and turned to me, slightly wide-eyed. “Oh my god. Which one are you interested in?”

I gulped. “Me? I’m not.”

This certainly wasn’t the best time to let her know what had already transpired between me and her favorite brother, so I kept my mouth shut.

“I wouldn’t mind if we became family. You have my blessings, no matter who you choose,” she encouraged. “I think Maxim would be the best match for you.”

If the wine glass weren’t empty, the creamy couch beneath us might be wearing a new color.

I lifted my hands in question, mindful of the curious eyes on me. “Why do I get the cuckoo one?”

With one eyebrow raised, Alisa answered, “There’s just something about how the room feels with you two in it.” No doubt referencing the encounter, the show we put on at their engagement party.

“Just to be clear, we’re talking about the same one who winked at me in front of Malek and the others the very first time we met?”

“Exactly!” She slapped my shoulder. “That’s the story that’ll get told at family gatherings.”

“Right,” I dismissed her words with a grunt.

Alisa’s face still carried a knowing smile when she asked, “Where were we before you went off to raid the supplies?”

A story I’ve never told anybody sat in my mind for years.

Not that it was a secret. Despite being a personal matter, there wasn’t anything vulnerable worth sharing.

I just never had the chance or someone worth telling the tale to.

Alisa was still a stranger, but somehow, she seemed like the right person to confide in.

“I met this guy in Ilya’s club. The one we were just at, downtown?”

She nodded.

I tucked my hands under both feet and recalled my first time.

“It was a random Friday. Me and your soon-to-be husband just flew back from the West Coast after a week on the job. I wasn’t tired, still riding the high, so I stopped by for a few drinks.

One led to another, and before I knew it, I was dancing on tables.

” I recalled the wild feeling of unrestricted freedom.

“I just wanted to feel like a normal nineteen-year-old without the weight on my shoulders.” Something we can both relate to, I thought. “A stranger approached me. I don’t think I ever saw a guy his size. And I would know, I’m surrounded by them daily.”

A military cut, a beard, and an earring. I briefly recalled his features.

“He came up to me. Picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I thought, what an asshole. He was probably there to take me down, but he totally surprised me when he spun me around, and it felt like forever since I last laughed.” I remembered the carefree sounds escaping my mouth that night.

“I couldn’t stop giggling. We danced and drank and fucked in the VIP bathroom, the marble counter digging into my ass.

I never got his name, but I remember his smile to this day.

” Warm and inviting, so rare between the snares of your everyday gangsters.

“I later found out he was a part of some group from Siberia that fell under Ilya’s territory.

It was so random, nothing planned, and I loved that. ”

To this day, the memory of the night brings a smile to my face.

With that, I turned to Alisa for her story.

“Mine was a total disaster. I really hope whoever ends up with the guy sobers up and runs before it’s too late.

We had dinner at this expensive restaurant.

One of those you must make a reservation for months in advance.

His father was a politician. Gosh, he wouldn’t shut up about it.

We had good food, and he took me back to his place.

I was so impressed and easily persuaded with the right words.

The sex felt straight out of a manual. Like he looked up step-by-step what to do the day before.

Methodical and so detached. Safe to say only one of us left satisfied,” she puffed out a breath with her eyes closed.

“I’ve been compensating for that experience ever since. ”

I raised my empty glass of wine in a toast. “To men who know how to fuck.”

“Amen.”

A regular moment, two women bonding and sharing stories, but to me, it meant the world .

Opening up to others didn’t come easily. How could it, when you know everything you share can be used against you if it reaches the wrong person? This city was flooded with them. Every fucked-up thing that ever happened was someone’s making.

“I think I’m hitting the pool next,” I announced. I headed to my room to change, leaving the comfort of the couch, and Alisa followed along. She remained in the doorway, leaning against the frame, anxiously chewing on her thumb while I unloaded the bag.

“Is he going to be up there for a while?” Her finger pointed above us.

I paused, gazing at where she stood. “Who, Enzo? No idea. Don’t let him stop you. It’s your weekend.”

“Ilya won’t be happy about him being here.”

“Ilya isn’t here. Besides, your chaperones will arrive soon.” I made it across the room and placed my hands on her arms. “Why don’t we forget them all? It’s just you and me.” I smiled.

“You’re right.” She grinned back.

It was rare to have time off to spend however you liked, so I planned on making the most of it.

“Okay. Help me pick a swimsuit. I over-packed.”

I held up an unworn pair I bought for the occasion, a dark blue two-piece.

“Scandalous.”

“Is that yes or no?”

“It’s heck yeah.”

A laugh accompanied me to the adjacent bathroom, where I changed while Alisa browsed the room.

The sun was a welcome warmth on my skin as we settled by the pool.

Alisa sat at the edge, her feet dipped in.

While relaxing wasn’t in my nature by default, she seemed right in her element, so I was determined to give the activity a shot.

To make the most out of the weather, I set my towel on the sun chair and laid down .

Calming my mind, I focused on the sound of the waves in the distance. Ever since my mother’s death, I’d been in constant survival mode. I slept very little. I never quite learned how to control my brain. To this day, it controls me.

It wasn’t the horrid images or faces of the people I killed that kept me up at night. I didn’t worry about how I might end up or what might happen. I was too busy obsessing over the bigger picture at play.

A shadow moving close had me on alert. Enzo stood by the other sun chair, drinking out of the wineglass.

“Hey! That’s mine,” I protested.

“Actually, it’s mine,” Enzo fired back, his tone sassy.

It was hard to argue against the truth, so I shut up.

On the side table, a nearly finished bottle sat, and when the Italian read the label, he laughed. “I swear, it’s like you have a talent for sniffing out the most expensive stuff.”

Lowering my sunglasses, I looked at him with puppy eyes. “Mad at me?”

“Not if you share.”

My hands flew in the air, pointing at the glass in his hand. “Seems like I already am.”

Enzo bent to drag the other sun chair closer, joining me in relaxing. He lay down, stretching his legs in his precious custom-made Italian suit. The contrast between our attires was almost comical.

“Are you done?” I asked about his work.

“Yes. So how about we enjoy the quiet before the obnoxious one arrives?”

Who was I to deny him that right? We settled in, both soaking in the atmosphere.

“The chef will stop by later to make us dinner.”

I laughed at how well he knew me. Food was perhaps the only thing I thought about every minute of the day.

“Let me guess, Italian?” I teased .

“Any complaints?”

“None from me. But Alisa is eating low-carb.”

As if I’d insulted him, Enzo turned toward me with a withering look. Italians and their love of carbs.

“Why?”

“Wedding dress fittings.”

His voice softened. “Or so she says.”

“Not our business.”

“Do you think Ilya is forcing her?” His thoughts slipped out as he narrowed his gaze at the pool, where the woman in question swam laps.

“I’ve hinted more than once that I’m willing to help. She turned me down. I can’t decide for her. Can I?”

“Her brothers didn’t say much on the matter, either.”

“Since when are you so interested in other people’s relationships?” I questioned his intentions.

Through a clenched jaw, Enzo muttered, “Always, if it affects my business.”

Yeah, business.

“Just remember, she’s getting married. Soon,” I emphasized. Like, literally the day after tomorrow.

Enzo lowered his sunglasses. “What exactly are you implying?”

“I’m not. Just looking out for you. She’s great, but she has a lot going on,” I reasoned. “Also, she knows all about your housewarmings.” I giggled at the hard swallow on his part. “She was very interested in the details.”

“Jesus. Are we being exploited for information?” Enzo grumbled. “First her brother, now her.”

“Runs in the family.”

Settled on our sun beds, we soaked in the rays, passing a glass of red wine back and forth.

An hour passed before Enzo’s voice broke the silence with a curse.

“ Cazzo . ”

In his presence, I might have let go, dozing off in the sun. The grogginess cleared as I sat up in a frenzy, catching the informality. “What is it?”

“The rest of the family just arrived,” he pointed out.

“Lucky us. I got it.”

I walked to the front door, fixing the straps of my bikini, my bare feet leaving a trail of prints on the concrete tiles.