Page 17

Chapter Twelve

K enna slid into one side of a booth, grabbing the menu from between the ketchup and the window. Jax sat across from her so he could see the front door. She could see the window to the kitchen and the archway with the sign Restrooms above it.

The place was about half full. Construction workers at the counter. A couple of uniformed cops at the far end who were done with their meal. A family in the corner, wrangling little kids into eating more than fruit. Two pairs of older men having breakfast.

The whole place smelled like bacon and biscuits.

“Caramel milkshake?”

She looked over her menu at Jax, remembering the first meal they’d ever shared. Years ago, back in Salt Lake City. “That’s the day I found Cabot.”

He smiled. “You like Jolene, right?”

“She doesn’t annoy me as much as I thought she might.”

“That means you love her,” he said. “Give it some time, and you won’t be able to imagine living without her.”

“Yeah, sure.”

That wasn’t too likely to happen. However, that was the crux of her worry about the people in her life.

Not the cat. Kenna loved her family, and she had a lot of things now that she’d been missing.

If she lost any of them, she might not be able to cope with it.

She’d been utterly destroyed before when she’d lost everything.

Was it possible to survive that a second time?

Jax tugged her menu down, but the waitress wandered over. They gave their orders, and when she’d walked out of earshot, he took her menu and stacked them back between the ketchup and the window. “What are you thinking about?”

“Just stuff.”

He dumped a half-and-half into his coffee and stirred it. “The case?”

She shook her head and tugged her coffee over. “Life. Family. Loss. Grief. Cats. Milkshakes.”

“Days off are a good time for existential questions. The tricky part is taking sufficient time off that you get the chance to wrestle with them for long enough to come up with a solution.”

“Why do you have to be so smart?”

“It’s part of my charm.”

She smiled. “Yes, it is.”

He chuckled, not quite so sure of himself here with her than he probably was at work in his job as the boss of the FBI’s Phoenix office.

“Thanks for spending the day with me.” She moved her hand to the middle of the table, her palm up.

He set his in it, those strong fingers curling around hers. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you feel better, but I’d be here if you didn’t.”

“I know.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Kenna said. “I want to pull my weight. Actually, more than that. I don’t just want to be sufficient. I’d rather be successful in a way that people are impressed with you because of me.” She shook her head. “I don’t even know if that makes sense.”

“I think I know what you mean. Honestly, I feel the same way.” He squeezed her hand but didn’t let go.

“I don’t think you’re wired to be dead weight in a relationship.

But you don’t always have to be trying so hard to succeed that it takes everything you’ve got, and then some, just to try and not let your side down.

Otherwise, you’re twisting yourself in knots or burning out. Just do what you can.”

“That’s probably another thing to wrestle with.”

“Why do you feel like you have to try so hard?” He tipped his head to the side. “It’s not so you can prove yourself to anyone. Is it?”

She shook her head.

“It’s because you survived.”

Kenna shifted in her seat. “I don’t need a therapist.”

“Everyone needs a therapist. Especially the people who say they don’t need a therapist. Because we all need someone to talk to so we can process out the things we’re thinking through and wrestling with.”

“I’m dealing with it.”

Jax said, “You’re also scared to death.”

“Like I said, I’m dealing with it.”

“I get it.”

She looked up from her coffee. The waitress set their plates in front of them. Kenna grabbed her fork.

Jax said grace, praying quietly over their meal.

Then he said, “I worry every second that something’s going to happen to you or to Maizie.

Ramon. Stairns. Ryson and his family. Laney and her family.

My parents. But you can’t let the fear control your life.

You need to live . Which I know is something you already know. ”

“If I wasn’t intentionally living, I wouldn’t have married you.”

“I know.” He smiled. “And I’m really glad you did.”

She figured marriage was about giving the other person reasons to stay rather than simply convincing them not to leave. Being the thing that kept them invested and what they couldn’t live without was far more positive than just resolving the reasons they wanted to go.

Again, with the add-on element that it wasn’t about her tying herself up in knots. Overextending herself and burning out “doing” instead of living and enjoying her life.

“You know what it’s like to lose everything, and you’re scared to death it’s going to happen again.”

Kenna needed to lighten this conversation, stat. “Why do you have to be in my brain?”

The corners of his lips curled up. “I know you. I get you. Even though you live a lot of your life in solitary ways, keeping things to yourself. Not in a bad way, like they’re secrets, but you keep to yourself. It’s a protective measure.”

“But you’re not trying to get me to open up.”

“If it’s important, you’ll tell me.”

She studied him. Most guys would expect her to open up and might even get pissy when she didn’t. He seemed content to let her have autonomy in this relationship. She said, “I want to believe we have plenty of time to get to know each other a little better every day.”

Maybe falling in love with each other a little more each day. But she wouldn’t say that. It would sound overly sappy. She liked a good romance novel, because she was a quality human being, but being gregarious with her emotions hadn’t ever been her thing.

“But?”

“Maybe we won’t,” she said. “We could have three weeks or fifty years. Or less. Or more. Or something in between. We could have no kids or a whole bunch. Things could go wrong in a million ways. We could both quit our jobs to eliminate as much of the risk as we can, and then one of us could get hit by a car getting the mail from the mailbox. You can’t guarantee anything. ”

“So let’s just enjoy the heck out of what we do have. See where it goes.”

She studied him.

He held his hand out across the table, like a pact. “What do you say, Banbury?”

She chuckled and took his hand. “I agree to your terms, Oliver .”

“People have been calling me Jax.” He seemed to find it amusing if the look on his face was anything to go by. “It started with Ramon and Maizie, Bruce and Stairns. Now, it’s even creeping in at work. They call me Boss to my face, but I’ve heard them refer to me as SAC Jax.”

What could she say to that? “Sorry?”

He shook his head. “I actually like it. Laney used to call me Ollie, and I hated it.”

She chuckled, but her phone rang before she could say more. She pulled the earbuds case out of her pocket and handed one to him, then swiped the screen while putting the earbud in her left ear. Jax slid the other in his right, though it was probably too small. “Hey, Maze. What have you got for us?”

“A few things. Ready?”

Jax gave her a soft smile. They needed to visit Maizie, or have the teen come and stay here with them for a few days so they could hang out with their adopted daughter.

The more time she spent with good guys who would treat her in healthy ways, the better she’d be able to discern a good man from the kind who would mistreat her.

It hadn’t even been two years since she’d escaped the sick man who had raised her until she escaped him. Sometimes, it felt like far longer.

Jax said, “We’re ready.”

Kenna finished the potatoes that had come with her eggs while she listened to Maizie.

“Elizabeth and Craig have finished going over the medical research paper. It wasn’t written by this Doctor Buzard guy, but if those lawyers included it, then maybe it covers what he did to you.

Basically, this process replaces the marrow in your bones with bone, making them dense to the point they will become nearly solid where they’re actually supposed to bend and be flexible—to an extent.

Instead, this will make them more brittle. So they can shatter really easily.”

Kenna didn’t want to reach for her water glass and betray the shakiness of her hands.

Jax had an eye on her, probably trying to gauge how she felt about this whole thing. “Is there a way to reverse it?”

Maizie said, “They told me Kenna should go get a bone density test. To see if that is what he did to her. The process of genetic modification will make your bones denser, but there are drawbacks. They think he sped up the body’s natural processes so that she has built stronger and denser bones with no marrow in the center.

Problem is, she won’t produce red blood cells, which is bad.

She’ll need a calcium-rich diet or some kind of drug or fluid that is packed with bone-building nutrients. ”

“Maybe that’s what they did the other day.

Gave me another treatment so I feel better.

” Kenna had to clear her throat, and then she told Maizie about the scene they had just gone to.

“Can you find out if there have been any similar cases the police have investigated? Scenes where the body was there but destroyed beyond any ability to identify them or discover how they really died.”

“What about people who just went missing? What if they were never found?”

Kenna said, “Keep it to people who inexplicably went missing. Because with those who are regularly missing, there would be too much risk that they might get found. Therefore, we can probably rule them out. We have to narrow it down somehow.”

The men they’d just met at that retirement home were the kind who would take care of an issue in a way they could be certain of no blowback.

Just like with that fire. They’d wanted to get rid of the evidence of what Kenna had done, so they’d taken and disposed of that horrible woman.

No way they’d leave their secrets to chance when someone might discover who they were.

If she went after the doctor for real, would they stop her?

“On it,” Maizie said. “I also have a lead for you on Nicola Santorini’s disappearance.”

Jax’s brows rose.

Kenna asked, “What is it?”

“First, Craig found evidence that the Santino crime family has made moves to leave Vegas and go down to Phoenix. Presumably because Nicola is gone, and they want to find out what happened to her. So keep your eyes peeled for them. He said things could get ‘sticky’ if you tangle with the mob.”

“Again.” It had happened before.

Jax’s lips twitched.

Maizie said, “Nicola has a roommate. It’s not official.

The girl isn’t listed on the lease. But her best friend from high school got into drugs and alcohol.

I found a newspaper article about a car crash when she was seventeen.

She’d been driving drunk. Thankfully, no one else was hurt, but the friend—her name is Dana Barrett—went to rehab after that.

She’s been in and out ever since and stays with Nicola when she’s doing well. ”

“You think she might know what happened to the doc?”

Maizie said, “Her cell phone use has her at Nicola’s house all afternoon and evening the day she went missing, but no one has seen Dana since. The rehab facility she checks herself into won’t tell me if she’s there or not.”

“We’ll check it out. Thanks, Maizie.”

Jax said, “Everything else okay, kiddo?”

“Yeah.”

Kenna knew that tone. “Do your homework.”

“Ugh.” Maizie groaned the word. “Your stuff is way more interesting.”

“Then it’ll be a treat after you’ve finished your homework.”

“Fine.” Maizie hung up.

Jax handed Kenna back the other earbud, and she put both in the case.

“You’re good with her,” he said.

“It’s weird having a teen, but I’m not her mother. We’re an odd mix of friends and parent and child.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what she needs. It could be the exact reason why God put you in each other’s paths.”

Kenna nodded. “I had thought the same thing. But I was actually thinking about all of us, you and me. Us and Maizie. Ramon—I mean, who else would put up with him coming and going, doing his own thing?”

“Bruce?”

“Let’s not get crazy. I don’t think he was sent by God.”

Jax chuckled. “I do think the same thing about you and me.”

“God knew what you needed?”

“It wasn’t some SUV-driving soccer mom, ferrying the kids around and meeting her girlfriends for brunch.

” He lifted his hands. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if it’s the life you want.

Everyone gets to choose, and no one should have to live a life they’re stuck with just because it’s the consequences of their poor choices. ”

“But that’s not you.”

“I know it isn’t because I tried it once, and it only lasted a few months. I was bored out of my mind.”

Kenna grinned. “I’m definitely not boring.”

If only he didn’t have to deal with all the things she’d brought into his life. She could do without the Dominatus and the genetic experimentation. But still, they’d handled it all so far.

“I get a partner who understands what I do and why. I get a woman who would go to war to protect the people she loves, who holds people tightly and is fierce. Who values family above everything and knows the value of working together, but who is also independent enough to stand on her own, and I don’t have to worry. ”

Kenna had to clear her throat. The sheen of tears in her eyes couldn’t be helped. “I love you.”

Jax leaned across the table. “That’s the best part.”

She wiped the corner of her eye. “Let’s go visit a rehab facility, see if we can get some answers.”

“Maybe Bruce will pretend we’re there to check him in.”

She chuckled, enjoying the way he’d lightened the mood. She did that a lot, defusing tension. Setting people at ease. Letting them know it didn’t have to be life and death all the time. Things could be light and enjoyable, even in the middle of a tense situation.

She slid to the edge of the bench seat. “Let’s go, partner. We’ve got a case to work.”