Page 20
I can’t believe I am doing this.
The hardest thing I have ever done was to kiss her goodbye. And I was careful not to wake her, because I knew she would try to stop me, as I quietly snuck out of the apartment, knowing I would never see her again.
I didn’t sleep at all. I spent the night fighting with myself about whether or not I could do this. But I could find no other option. I cannot let her return to suffer hell for a hundred years. Love has given me the courage to do whatever I can to keep her safe.
And now, I am drained. Almost twenty hours in a car alone can make a man crazy.
I don’t regret my decision to try to take her place, but I’ve been worrying about all of the details.
I’ve left a note with clear instructions for her on how to pull money from my bank account, and I’ve prepaid the apartment rent for two years.
She will need to figure out how to create an identity and how to organize some phony documents, and I’m nervous she won’t be able to figure that out.
I don’t even know if this is going to work.
I love her with my whole heart. I love her enough to sacrifice my own life so that she can live hers.
It wouldn’t be worth it to continue my journey without her beside me.
But I am filled with dread about the possibility that the theologian was wrong.
If an act of love won't save her, then she will be hunted down by the hellhounds for not being at the portal.
I try not to picture her waking up to realize that I am gone, and what I am doing.
I know she will be furious with me. I keep glancing in my review mirror, subconsciously checking to see if she is in the car behind me, trying to catch up and stop me, even though I know the idea is ludicrous.
She is smart, but I don’t think she would know how to catch a bus or hire a driver, and even if she did figure it all out, it would take time.
Exhausted, I finally pull into a spot in front of the run-down, blue-lit bar and turn off the rental car.
It’s just after midnight, so I have a few hours before I can summon the temporary demon I am to replace.
I reach inside the glovebox with shaky hands and retrieve the small tin of summoning items. I put it together in such a rush that I want to verify I have everything in there that needs to be there. I’ve only done this once before.
I chuckle. I never thought I would summon a demon once in my life, much less twice.
I finger through the tin contents, grateful I had leftovers from my first summoning.
I don’t think I would have been able to do this otherwise.
I wouldn’t know where to find a black cat’s bone on such short notice.
I didn’t keep them for future plans either; I just hadn’t gotten around to throwing them away yet. Thank God.
There was only a pinch of graveyard dirt left in the little baggie I had.
I considered stopping along the way to get more, but I didn’t want to risk being late.
I hope it’s enough. For my photo, I found an old driver's license and chucked that in there.
I suppose I could have used my current one if I had to.
God knows I won't need it anymore. The only thing missing is the yarrow flowers, which are conveniently growing all around the intersection. I doubt that is a coincidence.
I blow out a trembling breath. “Everything is set, Max. You can do this.”
I close my eyes and picture Daphne again.
She is smiling and walking through the park.
She is happy. She won't waste this gift. Giving my life for hers is easy to justify. I’ve been floating through for years, going through the motions, making money, avoiding connections, or feeling any emotions.
Life should be so much more than being on autopilot all the time.
Daphne has such a zest for life. She deserves to experience it all.
The world is a better place with her in it, which is something I could never say for myself.
This is my chance to add value to the world by making sure that she stays in it. I really hope this works. And if it does, I hope she can move through the pain of what I have done.
My eyes are heavy, and I don’t want to risk falling asleep, so I step out into the blue glow and, tin in hand, slowly make my way over to the crossroads.
I reach down and pluck some white yarrow flowers, bringing them to my nose, inhaling the delicate, earthy-yet-sweet aroma before tucking them into the tin.
I sit down cross-legged in the grass and wait.
A few cars pull into the old bar lot, and I watch as the various patrons stumble in and out, without taking notice of me at all.
The air is crisp and cool, the large full moon illuminating everything around me.
Time passes so much faster when you want it to move slowly.
I can’t slow it down, though. It’s almost time now.
“No turning back now,” I grumble as I push to my feet. “For Daphne.”
As I had done before, I move to the middle of the intersection and squat down. I dig at the gravelly dirt road with my fingers until I have a small but deep enough hole and drop the tin in, before sliding the pile of dirt on top of it. “Now I wait.”
Wiping my hands on my pants, my knees crack loudly as I stand. My heart is pounding and I’m dizzy. A slight breeze kicks up, and my stomach sinks. “Here we go.”
The dirt swirls on the ground in front of me, and with a swooshing pop, I am thrown back in disbelief at the figure suddenly in front of me. This cannot be.
“Noooooooo,” I wail and crumble to the ground, unable to catch my breath. My eyes fill with emotion as I look up at Lulu, black eyed and grinning down at me. I sputter, “What have you done?”
“I did what needed to be done,” she says, reaching to pull me up off the ground. “I wasn’t about to let you clean up my Garrett's mess.”
“But Lulu,” I sob, dragging my arm across my face, fighting to take control of my swirling thoughts. “This was my mess. How did you…why did you…”
“Listen,” she interrupts. “I knew you had feelings for the girl the moment I saw you. I’ve been like a mama to you since you could piss in the woods. I couldn’t let you do something stupid and let you give your life up.”
I am so confused. “But how did you know?”
“The dreams I have are pretty specific,” she says. “Two nights ago, I had a visit from an angel who told me what you were up to. I guess you could call it a divine intervention. It left me with an easy decision to make. So here I am.”
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I argue. “I thought that taking over for Daphne requires an act of pure love. You don’t love Daphne. This is all wrong.”
“There’s my always-too-literal fellow,” she teases. “It’s not Daphne that I love. It’s you .”
A sob frees itself from within me, and I tremble. “But I can’t let you do this.”
“You don’t have a choice, Maxy. It’s done.”
“That’s not good enough. You can’t expect me to allow this.”
Her smile drops away, and the black drains from her eyes. She looks like the old Lulu, which only makes me cry harder. “I want to do this, Max. My entire life, I’ve been nothing but a mess. I’ve never contributed anything good to this world. This is my chance to set things right, to do something…
“That’s not true,” I interrupt, now angry at her self-deprecation. “You were there for me when I had no one else. You treated me like a real son. You’re the reason I made it out of my youth alive.”
“And what would that be for, if I let you throw it all away now? This is my time to go, Max. My time to do the right thing.”
“But I don’t want you to be stuck here, like this,” I say, shaking my head. “This isn’t fair.”
“It’s more than fair. Besides,” she says, “the cancer was about to claim me anyway.”
Her words catch me off guard, and I wonder if she’s making this up to make her sacrifice easier to accept. “You never said anything about cancer.”
“Didn’t want to trouble you,” she says. “It happens when you spend your days living as hard as I did.”
“But still,” I say, shaking my head again. “That’s no reason to…
“It sure as hell is,” she snaps, but then smiles warmly at me. “This is done, and you won’t change my mind. Now give your old Lulu one last hug and go back to that girl of yours. You deserve to be happy, Max.”
I stare at her as she opens her arms for an embrace, but I can’t move. Twice now, I have been outsmarted at the crossroads. She is the last of my family, and I don’t want it to end like this.
“Come on now,” she says, flapping her hands. “You ain't getting any younger.”
Hesitantly, I step into her arms and melt against her frail form. “I love you, Lulu.”
“I love you too, Maxy,” she whispers. “Now go and live the best life you can dream up.”
“I will try,” I say as she vanishes into nothing, and I stumble forward into the emptiness of the intersection.
I guess this is over. I stumble back to the car, sobbing softly under my breath.
I never expected that anyone would love me enough to sacrifice themselves for me.
But as profound as my sadness is, my relief and hope are beside it.
Somehow, I'm allowed to keep my Daphne. I get to live my life beside her.
And I know one thing for sure: I’m going to make it the best life I can make. Not only for Garrett and Lulu, and Daph, but for me too.
Lulu has made one hell of a deal. Her deal has given me the gift of a life full of love. I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste it.
The End.