Page 21 of Once Vanished
She climbed out of her car and walked toward her front door, nodding at the officer who stepped briefly into view to acknowledge her.The familiar weight of her service weapon pressed against her side, a reminder that she wasn’t helpless.She would find Leo.She would bring Jilly home.
When Riley opened her front door, the aroma of garlic and herbs washed over her—familiar and jarring all at once.The normalcy of home-cooked food seemed strange against the backdrop of Jilly’s absence.
“Riley?”Bill’s voice called.
She followed the sound, finding both Bill and April setting plates on the dining table.
“You’re just in time,” Bill said, his eyes meeting hers.The anger she’d heard on the phone earlier had softened, but worry still lined his face.“Gabriela insisted on cooking.”
April looked up at Riley, her eyes red-rimmed but dry.“Any news?”she asked quietly.
Riley shook her head.“The man that Leo attacked couldn’t tell me anything we didn’t already know.”She moved to April, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.“But Hogue has every available agent working on this.We’re going to find her.”
The words felt hollow even as she said them.Not a lie—she would find Jilly or die trying—but a promise she had no guarantee of keeping.
Gabriela came in from the kitchen, bringing a serving dish to the table.“Sit,” she commanded.“All of you.We need to eat.”
It moved Riley to see Gabriela going about her usual routine.
“You didn’t have to …” Riley began.
“I need to do something,” Gabriela said, putting the dish down.“Cannot just sit and worry all night.”
It was lasagna, Riley realized.A dish that Jilly loved.The sight of it made her throat tighten painfully.
They gathered around the table, the four of them, with the fifth chair—Jilly’s chair—conspicuously empty.For a moment, no one moved to serve themselves.The steam rising from the casserole seemed to carry their collective grief.
“This smells wonderful, Gabriela,” Bill finally said, breaking the silence.He reached for the serving spoon.“Thank you.”
One by one, they filled their plates.Riley found herself going through the motions mechanically, lifting food to her mouth and chewing without tasting anything.Across from her, April pushed her lasagna around her plate, making no real attempt to eat.
“I should have protected her better,” Gabriela said suddenly, her fork clattering against her plate.“I had the gun in my hands.I could have stopped him.”
Riley put down her own fork.“Like I told you before, you did everything right,” she said firmly.“If you had fired with Jilly in the way, you might have hit her instead of Leo.”
“And I should have realized he was dangerous,” April burst out, tears welling in her eyes.“He came right up to me on campus, and I just...I talked to him like he was normal.I even thought he was kind of charming.”She covered her face with her hands.“I never even mentioned him to you.If I had, maybe you would have recognized him sooner.”
“Stop,” Bill said, his voice gentle but firm.“Both of you.We’ve been over all this before.And this is exactly what Leo wants.”
Riley nodded, reaching across the table to squeeze Gabriela’s hand.“He’s right.This is part of Leo’s plan.He thrives on creating guilt and misery.He wants people to blame themselves for whatever happens, for things that they couldn’t possibly control.”
“It’s a form of psychological torture,” Bill added.“He makes you feel responsible for his actions.But the truth is, neither of you could have prevented this.Leo has been planning this for weeks.He’s probably been doing nothing else except putting his plan into action.He’s brilliant, methodical, and completely without conscience.You can’t blame yourselves for not outthinking someone like that.”
“But I’m not just any college kid,” April protested, her voice cracking.“I’m an FBI agent’s daughter.I should have seen that something was off about him.”
“And I am supposed to keep this family safe,” Gabriela added, wiping roughly at her eyes.
Riley recognized her own feelings of guilt.How could she expect April and Gabriela not to blame themselves when she was drowning in the same self-recrimination?She should never have left the two of them alone.Gabriela had done just fine with the pistol at the shooting range, but she’d had very little practice with that gun.Riley had hoped that just having the weapon would offer protection, but Gabriela wasn’t trained for the situation she’d faced.And she knew that having their home turned into a crime scene swarming with officers and agents throughout much of the day had also taken a toll on Gabriela.
“Listen to me,” she said, looking from April to Gabriela.“Leo Dillard has spent his entire life perfecting the art of manipulation.He’s a master at appearing normal—charming, even.That’s why he’s so dangerous.And that’s why neither of you should blame yourselves for not seeing through his mask.”She took a deep breath.“The only person responsible for what happened to Jilly is Leo.Not you.Not me.Just Leo.”
They finished the meal in relative silence.April only managed a few bites before setting down her fork with finality.
“I brought my books home,” she said, her voice steadier now.“Professor Chen emailed assignments for the next week, in case I need to...to stay home for a while.”
“That’s good,” Riley said.“It’ll help to stay busy and you won’t fall behind.”
April nodded, then suddenly her face crumpled.“But Jilly’s missing school too.And she has that big social studies project due next week.She was so worried about finishing it.She doesn’t even have her textbooks with her, Mom.”