Page 21

A year later

Jacob told himself he wasn’t freaking out, but he kind of was.

They were sitting on the couch, watching ESPN, Finn curled up next to him, breathing relaxed and even, and Jacob felt like a rubber band about to snap.

At least he wasn’t alone. He’d had to silence his phone because Morgan had sent too many texts in the last few hours.

Jacob wasn’t sure which of them was more enthusiastic than Finn was finally making his NHL debut tomorrow night. Finn seemed ready. Calm and prepared. Jacob was excited for him. Morgan was . . .well, Morgan was Morgan-ing all over the place.

“Hey, you need to relax,” Finn said sleepily next to him. It was early still, not quite eight, but Jacob knew in an hour or two Finn would head to bed, to get a good night’s rest, and it seemed he’d actually sleep.

Jacob didn’t know how he was going to sleep.

“I’m relaxed,” Jacob claimed.

It wasn’t like he didn’t think Finn was prepared; he’d never been more ready. He was physically and mentally in such a great spot right now, and everyone in the Sentinels’ organization was eager for him to get on the ice.

But Jacob still remembered his own debut. How he’d not slept a wink the night before. How he’d been sure he’d collapse right there on the ice from sheer nerves.

Was Finn hiding it? Would he eventually realize what was about to happen and panic the same way Jacob had? And what if Jacob wasn’t there to calm him down?

If that happens, it’ll still be okay, because Finn has Finn.

Jacob tried to even out his breathing and knew he’d failed because Finn looked over at him, amusement in his eyes.

“You’re the last thing from relaxed,” Finn teased. He ran his fingertips up Jacob’s T-shirt-clad chest. “Maybe I should do something about that.”

Jacob cleared his throat, wishing that was going to be enough. But Finn had already given him a spine-meltingly good blowjob a few hours ago. If that hadn’t taken care of his anxiety, nothing was going to do it.

“Do you . . .are you really not nervous?” Jacob wanted to smack himself the moment the words escaped him.

Finn smiled. “No, not really. Excited, yeah. But nothing bad.”

“Good. Good.” Jacob felt like a useless lump.

“I couldn’t be more ready, you know?” Finn’s eyes glowed with happiness and contentment.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And you should take some of the credit for that,” Finn said seriously.

“Some?”

“Well, not all ,” Finn said, chuckling. “But yeah, some. I told you, I wanted you to help me, and you did. And I told you I wanted you next to me, that it would be meaningful to have someone who’d gone through it, and you were there. Every step of the way.”

It hadn’t been easy, always.

Jacob hadn’t really wanted to leave the house in Portland and move to Tampa, for example. But he’d done it. After all, he’d come to realize during this last year that home wasn’t a four-walled structure, but a person .

Finn was his happy place, his touchstone, his everything.

Besides, the house in Portland would always be there, whenever Finn was finished being extraordinary at hockey and ready to tackle being extraordinary at something else.

“Of course. I love you.”

Finn sighed, all comfortable contentment as his fingers dug into the fabric of Jacob’s shirt. “Love you, too. You and my dad sitting together tomorrow?”

“Morgan says so.” He had, at length . To the point where the last text Jacob had read before he’d silenced Morgan was, you’d better be there tomorrow with me or I’m gonna lose my shit.

“You’ve done a pretty good job keeping him in line,” Finn said.

And yes, that was true, but the more accurate truth was that Morgan had done a much better job keeping himself in line.

Point in fact: Morgan had texted him that, not Finn.

“I’d do worse, for you,” Jacob said, and that was way too fucking true.

Finn’s smile was like the sun. “Yeah? Well, then I’ve got something for you.”

“What is it?”

Finn poked him in the pectoral muscle. “Calm the hell down, okay?”

Jacob let out a short breath. Tried not to laugh, because this was serious. Well, sort of serious. “Yeah. Yeah. I can do that.”

“Good.” Finn’s head dropped back down to his shoulder. “One more episode and then we’ll go to bed?”

“Sounds perfect,” Jacob said, dropping a kiss onto Finn’s head. He wasn’t going to mention that when Finn fell asleep, he was probably going to lie awake, staring at the ceiling.

There was only so much relaxation ability in him right now.

“You’re perfect,” Finn said, and Jacob felt the warmth of that declaration all the way down to his toes. Then the corner of his mouth turned up in a tiny irresistible smirk. “Even though I know you’re lying and you’ll let me go to bed and you’ll stay awake, freaking out beside me.”

“Uh,” Jacob said, and Finn laughed.

“It’s alright, you’re still perfect.”

“Did you tell him about the way he’s got to watch the loose puck around the net? The Pens are aggressive on that shit, and if Crosby—”

“You need to take a fucking breath,” Jacob told Morgan, though that didn’t stop him. Not much could.

But then, probably nobody else other than Jacob knew how Morgan could be, when he got like this.

Jacob used to hate it, and he couldn’t say he liked it now, but he’d accepted it, and could even, on occasion, be amused by it.

Like now.

“Fuck you,” Morgan said. “This is important! He needs to know this.”

“Finn knows this. I think if a puck and Sidney Crosby get near the net, he’s going to be paying attention,” Jacob said dryly.

Morgan’s knee bounced up and down, which it had done nearly from the moment they’d taken their seats in the Sentinels’ arena. It was nearly full to capacity. Jacob liked to think a lot of these fans were here to see the Tampa Sentinels’ new and very promising rookie goalie make his first start, but the more accurate assumption was that they were here to see the Crosby-Malkin farewell tour.

Regardless, Finn would have a full house for his debut, and Jacob loved that for him.

“It’s not that I don’t think he’s capable, right? Or that he doesn’t know how to do this, but I just . . .” Morgan turned to him helplessly.

“You’re just going out of your mind?” Jacob asked.

Morgan’s lips were a flat line. “Don’t tell me you’re not.”

“Oh, I am.” As he’d predicted, Jacob hadn’t slept a wink last night. Finn, on the other hand, had slept like a baby.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Morgan muttered.

“That’s because you’re emoting enough for both of us right now.”

Morgan made a disgruntled noise.

“Also,” Jacob continued, “it turns out being amused by your total meltdown is a good distraction from my own anxiety.”

“I stayed up all night watching game tape,” Morgan said.

“Yeah, that’s really obvious.”

Morgan shoved an elbow into his side. Jacob had discovered over the last year, as they’d learned to tolerate each other off ice and had gradually actually become friends, Morgan had really fucking sharp elbows. Jacob yelped, shooting Morgan a dirty look.

“What? You’re being an unsupportive asshole,” Morgan said sulkily.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?”

Morgan shoved another elbow into his side and this time Jacob just accepted the pain as a matter of course.

He’d do anything for Finn, even tolerate Morgan’s pointy elbows.

“I’m supportive,” Morgan squawked. “I’m even wearing his sweater! I haven’t worn one since—” He stopped abruptly.

Jacob glanced over at him and they shared a look.

He remembered the first time he’d put on a jersey that wasn’t his own. It had been Finn’s, during the Evergreens’ playoff run last year. He’d wanted to be supportive in any way he could and doing something had felt better than doing nothing. But his fingers had still slid over the fabric uncomfortably before he’d finally pulled it over his head.

“It’s gonna mean a lot to Finn that you’re wearing it,” Jacob said, more gently than Morgan probably deserved. Finn had gifted it to him for Christmas this year, his autograph proudly scrawled over the two and the nine on the back.

Finn had told Jacob later that night, as they’d cuddled naked in bed, that he didn’t think his dad would ever wear it, but he hoped he’d carry it with him either way. Jacob had told him that he knew he would. Because he could say a lot about Morgan Reynolds, but these days, the man was dedicated to showing his son just how much he cared about him.

“And he’s going to laugh his ass off that we’re sitting here, like fucking twins in a Sears photoshoot,” Morgan grumbled.

“Yeah, probably.” Jacob smiled. Inside, he was laughing his ass off that they now looked like twins. “Don’t you dare shove that elbow into me again. I will kick your ass if you do.”

“No, you won’t,” Morgan said, sounding very confident.

Kind of the way he’d used to talk in press conferences and with reporters’ microphones shoved in front of him. “Oh yeah, I’m definitely gonna get points tonight against Braun. There’s no way he can stop me, not when I’m skating like this.” Morgan being confident in relation to him in such a different way had taken a lot of getting used to.

Jacob wasn’t sure he’d quite accomplished it yet.

But then, when Morgan Reynolds was your future father-in-law, could you ever sleep easy?

“Did I tell you that I’m cutting back on some of my ESPN commitments?” Morgan asked.

Jacob considered telling Morgan that no, he hadn’t told Jacob but he’d told Finn and that was as good as telling Jacob. But Morgan was clearly making an effort to not freak out, or not keep freaking out, and Jacob wanted to encourage that.

“No.”

“Well, I am. I want to be present for this, for Finn. It feels important, you know? I’m still doing a few segments, but they said I can do those from my rental house.”

Jacob ping-ponged, much the same way Finn did, on how he felt about Morgan abruptly decamping from New York and moving, in some kind of long-term capacity, to a rental house a mile from theirs in Tampa.

On one hand, it was a very good thing for Finn to have a better relationship with Morgan, and to everyone’s surprise, it was becoming a better relationship.

On the other hand, Morgan liked to annoyingly show up just when Jacob wanted to get Finn naked.

“Good. Do more of those,” Jacob said and then laughed at the horrible expression that crossed over Morgan’s face.

“For the hundredth time, I don’t want to hear about your sex life,” Morgan muttered.

“Then stop interfering,” Jacob said easily, fully expecting and accepting the elbow that got shoved into his gut.

“Do you . . .should I . . .” Morgan trailed off, suddenly looking not only anxious, but also like he might be about to vomit.

“Spit it out, Reynolds.”

“Should I have not come?”

“To this game? I don’t think Finn would’ve ever forgiven you for missing it.” Jacob knew what Morgan had actually meant, but it was fun to misunderstand him, just to watch him splutter in annoyance.

“No, no . I mean . . .should I have not come down here? Rented the house?”

“Oh, well, no the house rental thing was a good idea. You’d have really cramped our style if you’d insisted on moving in,” Jacob said seriously.

Morgan made a face. “I was never going to do that.”

“Thank God for that.” Jacob paused. “But seriously, I think it’s good you’re here. Finn respects you a lot, and you give him a good perspective, and well . . .this is a big time in his life. You’ve been there, too. You get it.”

“So do you,” Morgan said quietly. Jacob understood then that this was another way of Morgan saying, without actually admitting it out loud, in actual words, that he approved of Jacob and Finn’s relationship.

Jacob wished he could go back in time and tell his past self, look at what you’re going to have, if you’re brave and face down your fear. A man you love more than anything on earth and even his annoying, meddling father, who it turns out could actually be your best friend.

“Yeah, I’m his boyfriend. But you’re his father.” Jacob cleared his throat. “It’s okay you’re here. I promise. If it hadn’t been, you’d have known.”

Finn would’ve made it clear. He did that these days, setting boundaries in that clear-eyed, blunt way he’d adopted. Boundaries shouldn’t have turned Jacob on. But then pretty much everything about Finn turned him on.

“Good,” Morgan said, turned back to the ice. “Oh, look, it’s . . .uh . . .it’s starting.”

They’d gotten to their seats way early, because neither of them wanted to miss the special tradition of a rookie warming up on the ice for the first time, solo—of Finn doing it for the first time.

“Did you bring—” Jacob didn’t even get the words out before Morgan slapped something into his hand.

Jacob looked down and smiled.

It was a pack of tissues.

The ice spread out before him, perfect and glossy.

Untouched. It’s all for you, now.

Finn’s heart beat unsteadily and he gripped his stick harder.

“You ready?”

He glanced over and there, deep back in the tunnel, was Hayes, waiting for him to make his debut rookie lap before he let the rest of the team onto the ice to warm up.

“Yeah,” Finn said. “I feel good.”

“You are good,” Hayes said.

As he’d expected, he liked Hayes Montgomery, who wore the C for the Sentinels, a lot. He’d been as welcoming as any captain of a team would be, but there’d been an extra addition of comfort on top of that, because with Hayes out and in charge of the locker room, there’d never be a reason for Finn to worry a teammate would start shit.

“Thanks,” Finn said. He was still trying to adjust to the thinking that his NHL debut, something he’d worked so long and hard for, was actually happening , like right fucking now, and that was overwhelming enough. Not to mention that Hayes Montgomery thought he was good .

“There’s no reason to be nervous, okay? You’ve got this. The ice runs in your veins.”

It did.

Cold and solid, it ran true for Morgan and it would for Finn, too.

For so long, he’d worried that he wouldn’t be enough. That he’d let his dad down. That he’d never live up to the potential of his last name.

But in the last year he’d begun to discover that it actually was insanely fucking cool that they both had gotten this chance. Morgan had made the most of his, and Finn was going to do the same.

If he could get through his rookie lap without tripping, or falling, or otherwise humiliating himself.

“Yeah,” Finn agreed. “I got this.”

Hayes clapped him on the shoulder. “Have fun and remember to take it in, okay? Every moment. Don’t let it go to waste.”

“Thanks, Cap.” Finn gave him a last nod, and Hayes melted back into the tunnel.

“You ready?” a Sentinels staffer asked Finn.

Finn took a deep breath, pulled his mask down, and found himself grinning wildly as he nodded.

The ice felt as smooth as it looked, his blades cutting through it sharply, perfectly.

He could imagine Jacob up there in the stands, watching him—and loving him—and his heart felt so full it nearly burst with happiness.

He’d have been here with or without him, maybe, but Finn loved him enough, loved him more with each passing day, that he knew he’d never want to do it alone.

He was better, they were better, with each other.

Morgan would be there too, sitting next to Jacob.

Probably freaking out.

Probably happier than Finn could remember him being.

Finn nailed a puck right into the net and swung around, loving the feel of the ice, loving the crowd, loving the lights, loving his life, and then, just like that, they all disappeared.

It was just him and the ice.

And he was ready.

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